Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

I'm a 41 year old with a toddler. I also love my lie ins. Got up at 10.30 today. 👍

Thats not true because many women become pregnant while having peri menopausal symptoms

And you are what 40 or 41

I think the vast majority of women start feeling physical changes around 44/45 some later some earlier

And when they hit you it knocks you sideways even when mild it’s the sudden realization you are getting old and your body isn’t quite what it was

I have a 12 year old of course he is still demanding (single parent always have been) and it’s still tiring but I’m not having sleepless nights he is not totally dependent on my for everything i don’t have to constantly watch him and see to his every need it’s vey different no where near as physically tiring

Oh you say you're happy now @Justgorgeous, but imagine when you hit the menopause. You'll be incapable of looking after your child and parenting in a responsible manner

Eh? Is this for real?

I think this thread, more than most I've read lately, is a real eye-opener about people's lives and the different attitudes that people have.

I'm surrounded by older parents - as I said upthread, I have three friends who had babies in their mid 40's. It just isn't a big deal in my world - I'm finding the negative comments completely at odds with what's normal for my social/friend group.

I had mine at 37 and 39

Not everyone meets someone to have kids with so early that they can decide their cut off is mid 30s to be fair to OP

Why so angry? People have been asked for their opinions and experiences. Very odd

Yeah, it's very defensive. It seems people think their choices are being attacked, but that's not the intention. I genuinely hope everything works out for the people who had children at an older age, and their children. Their decision is made and the kids are here. That's no reason why those of us who had a bad experience should just shut up when someone asks for opinions.

Well according to you I'll be screwed then. 🙄I'll be unable to parent my two young children. Just as many parents before me (apparently).

NeckPainChairSearch the comment you've bolded was clearly sarcastic if you read it in the context of the exchange between those two posters - they're agreeing with one another.

@NeckPainChairSearch I think the poster was being sarcastic. I hope so, as surely people don’t write things like that and mean it! 😂

@NeckPainChairSearch no it was sarcasm actually. See previous posts about menopausal women not being able to cope with every day life or the challenges of parenting.

Ah, phew then

I'm a menopausal single parent to a toddler and a young teen with ASD. I conceived by accident naturally at 44. The menopause hasnt made a difference to my ability to parent.

Oh please

You are 41 your child will be close rob to heading off to school by the time you are 45

Many women have said they feel very different between those ages for me it was a a few years later

Having a 4/5 year old isn’t the same as having a new born at 45/46

Nobody said you'll be incapable, Ruby, just that it might be a lot tougher looking after young children in the early 50s than it is in the early 40s. Some women are very lucky and have no problems with the menopause. Some get troublesome symptoms, manage to get HRT and find it transfoms things. Not all, though. That's all.

Had mine at 30 and 34 .... if I had my time again I'd do it much younger !!!

No ones judging you negatively chill out. Frankly most people are bound up in their own affairs and not the slightest bit interested in yours. But the question was asked. And my answer as a 45 year old would be - I’m too old. My body is winding down reproductively. My mind is on other things. I would hate to have a child now.

Interesting thread. I live in the most educated constituency outside London. Most of the parents are older. I had ds at 30 and dd at 42. All my mum friends from dd were approximately same age as me, give or take a couple of years. None of them look like ‘older parents’ whatever that is supposed to mean. l’ve just unpacked a lovely parcel of stuff from &OtherStories. Do ‘older parents’ wear these l wonder or do we have a special uniform?🤔
Celebrated plenty of 50th parties for these parents when their dc were young

But theres just so many factors isn't there as people have already mentioned. Women experience the menopause differently and at different stages, some women choose to have children early ( and I don't disparage people who do so ) but they may be less financially secure, perhaps not as mentally strong or patient etc. Some women may have loads of support from partners and family, some not. All these factors impact and a lot if these posts come across as very judgemental by concentrating on age alone. There's just so many variables and what is true for one may not be true for another. But these sweeping generalisations about women's age get on my tits. There's not much difference between 41 and 45. And I stand by my point if youre able to get pregnant at 45 chances are you'll have a later menopause. Some women start menopause in their late 30s, some in their mid 50s.

Personally no. Too much risk of various conditions afflicting the baby.

What’s the point you’re making about clothes from &otherstories, TheEmoji? I’ve had a look and it seems to be... knitwear?
I’m confused.

You only live once. Go for it

Personally no - I’m mid 40’s and pre-menopausal currently with very low energy.
also have kids with disabilities/medical probs. There’s no way I would have any energy now to deal with healthy baby/toddler, let alone another one with the similar issues (and the risk would be higher now). I just don’t have the energy had in my 30s - my health changed very quickly. Good luck whatever you decide.

I can’t understand how so many people were happy to become parents so early. I loved my job, my life pre kids and could never had done what I did burdened by childcare. Glad I waited so long actually!

Rubyroost the comments concentrate on age because the question is solely about age!

If the question was about job security or savings or relationship duration the posts would focus on that. It's not odd that people are focused on answering the question asked.

I found a massive difference between 41 and 45. At 41 I was having really regular periods, by 45 I was flooding and having periods 3 weeks out of 4. At 46 I was peri menapausal and needed a gynaecology operation to sort out my periods.

It’s core group is thirty somethings. It’s not where the people who are deemed to be ‘elderly’ parents would be expected to shop.

These derisive comments about ‘elderly’ parents would be expecting them to shop in ‘elderly’ shops. Not the lines of Asos or Topshop. I pointed it out to indicate that not all ‘elderly’ parents have cauliflower perms😊