Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

In your situation yes I would

Yes I would! I'm 40 and just had my first. If you can afford both the children and your retirement plans together - then go for it :)

I had DS11 at 27 so I'll be 45 when he's 18. To me this seems ridiculously young to have an empty nest! I do live in a very middle class area though, so empty nest at 45 is unusual.

I'm now 38 and TTC (although I'm not convinced it will happen and I won't be trying IVF etc). For me I think the cut off is 40, but more because I haven't got the emotional energy to try for years and years. I've not noticed any decrease in physical health yet and I'm so much wiser now than at 27 (which can only be to any future DCS advantage). My DH is older and would be at least 45 by the time a baby would be born. I have to confess I haven't given any thought to his age at all.

As with most things in life people will have a wide range of opinions. I'd make the best decision for you and your family and not give a hoot about what others though!

I'm 33 and pregnant with my first. I'd love to have three kids but will see how we manage with one for starters. I'd have no qualms at parenting a teenager in my 60s - yes it would be challenging, but if you keep yourself healthy there's no reason you can't. People seem to think 60 is decrepit. I had tonnes of energy at 33 and do eat well and keep myself fit. 60 is almost twice your age and there is no denying that age and the menopause will take effect, no matter how well you look after yourself.

You can’t sit there a perky 33 year old and say you will feel like having a baby at 45! You have no idea! If I had a baby now I’d leave it in the bus

No way jose!

I'm 44 with a 5 year old btw !

@MyDcAreMarvel

Those numbers come from here www.webmd.com/baby/over-35-pregnant

*Birth defects. Older women are more likely to have a baby with a chromosome disorder such as Down syndrome. If you are age 25, the chance of Down syndrome is about 1 in 1,250. If you are age 35, the risk increases to 1 in 400. By age 45, it is 1 in 30.

Miscarriage. Most miscarriages happen in the first 13 weeks of pregnancy. With age, your risk of early miscarriage goes up. At age 35, the chance is about 20%. By age 45, your chance is 80%.*

Of course every woman’s individual risk is different.

I know 2 women who had babies at 44 and one at 45. All fine and happy.
One of them is 60 now with 15 yr old.
They’re very close and my 60 year old friend does not look her age and keeps herself fit and active. She’s always up for going out and is so much fun.
She does wish she had her dd when she was younger but accepts that this is how it is and is happy.

No, I just don't think I'd have enough energy
Small children are exhausting

Bf has 1st at 39 and 2nd at 42 and had much more straight forward pregnancies/births than many and also is fully energetically involved....
However all her family are long lived... rarely less than 90!
Her mum had her at 40 .... so I think it would depend on my family genetics really... I wouldn't had last at 36 and find it tiring! But mid-late 30's not an issue...

I'm 33 and pregnant with my first. I'd love to have three kids but will see how we manage with one for starters.

I think that would be a very good plan, before you start talking about how easy parenting will be when you’re twice as old as you are now...

I had my DD 2 weeks before my 44th birthday, and would def have had another. As for tiredness- that's pot luck! Most of my friends in their twenties and thirties who had babies at the same time as me were much more tired than I was - their babies were crap sleepers, mine weren't

However, I had 4 miscarriages before DD, which is why we didn't go for another - physically, no problems, but mentally I couldn't have coped with another pregnancy. I know a number of women who had children in their mid-forties, it's fine - but you need to be aware that the risk of miscarriage is much higher.
Go for it, OP!

I would. I'm 45 this year. I had my one and only DC at 40, and would love another, wouldn't affect us financially etc but DH is a hard NO 😂. So we are one and done.

Family genetics are actually very relevant. Even if everyone is a healthy weight, active, eats well, doesn't smoke etc the fact remains that in some families age related health issues start during fifth or sixth decade of life and in other families it's common to be medication free and physically and mentally fit into the end of the eighth or start of the nineth decade. The same as with menopause onset age and how severe the side effects are - both of which usually run approximately in families and can vary very widely indeed.

It's not just about "keeping yourself fit". Genetics sadly override lifestyle sometimes.

You would likely be entering peri menopause when your youngest child is still primary school aged

I'm there right now. It's fine, it really is.

I agree, I know two people who died of heart attacks in their early 50s last year. Both were very fit and not overweight. Both died suddenly while running or cycling. If you’re much younger than 50 you might not realise how age can suddenly attack.

Arguably it might be better to be through the menopause before your children hit puberty, or not to hit it until they've finished puberty - so those of us who had children in our 30s got that one wrong!

I am 53 post menopause with DS15 & DD11, I didn’t notice any symptoms bar the odd night sweat. My premenstrual moods have disappeared so no clashing hormones, so it isn’t all bad news to have DC late. We wanted DC sooner but life didn’t turn out that way, I keep myself fit and healthy, fairly young looking and young outlook, don’t think DC see us as old parents as many have friends with parents of similar age. As for DC having really old parents when they grow up, I most definitely don’t want to be a burden and will be moving to warden assisted living when the time comes or they can put me in a home, they have my blessing.

Peri menopause/menopause varies so much. Some women have an easy time, just like some women sail through pregnancy. But some women have a very tough time. Ask your mother how hers was as usually women seem to follow their mothers experiences.
It is a waste of time some women saying they had an easy time, that does not mean you will have an easy or hard time. But if you have a tough time it can be shit.

Also few people provide physical care of parents. But if your parents need help or have dementia the chances are that you will still spend a lot of time doing things care homes rarely do.

It is a waste of time some women saying they had an easy time

Well, no more of a waste of time than any other opinion, surely?

The OP - I assume - welcomes a range of opinions and experiences.

Had my 3rd at 44, nearly 49 and she’s nearly 5. Amazingly happy and blessed.

This thread makes me so fucking mad. Who gives a shit about the menopause. Women have been dealing with the menopause for years andbhave been parenting during the menopause for years. It's a normal part of life and has fuck all to do with anything. 😡😡

And no I'm not menopausal. I'm an angry pregnant 41 year old who btw has no problems parenting a toddler with her elderly boyfriend of 50 years.