Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

You’re more likely to have twins and you’re more to have a child that’s not fully able-bodied or neurotypical.

If you’re prepared to accept those odds then give it a try I guess. Although you’re also much more likely to have a miscarriage.

Why do you leave it so long after your first DC?

@Singlenotsingle I find it astonishing that an averagely healthy 44-year-old would find it too tiring to hang out with small children. The average life expectancy of a U.K. woman is currently nearly 81; that’s an awfully long time to be prematurely old.

It’s not “astonishing” or being prematurely old it’s reality that aging seems to intensify in your mid 40s and full on care of babies and young children is relentless and exhausting. Sure there are some outliers but this is true for the majority whether you like it or not

I'm 45 and no way would I have another now. I was 35 when DD was born. Number 2 never happened. I would have liked 2 but we don't have space or money for a second.

I'm with @isabellerossignol and @JuniLoolaPalooza - I had my first DC last year in my early to mid 30s. I wish I had done this in my mid to late 20s but I had to have IVF. My cut off if I have any other children would be 40. It is a personal choice though the risk factors for successful outcomes puts me off too.

My ex boss has just had her second at 47. She's very happy and baby is lovely.

In your case, yes I would.

In my case, no.

I'm 45 and 38weeks pregnant. Natural conception, pregnancy no different to the ones in my 20's and 30's.

Really surprised at the negativity in this post.

Life is a gift and no-one knows how long we have it for.

Follow your heart OP x

@HarrietM87 your post really had me worried as my DC came last year and I am 34 this year. I dont look my age so I dont think she would feel any more embarrassed by me than anyone else would be of their parents plus in our area (in the south) there are a lot of older mums it seems. I do worry though that I will be considered old especially as I have an adult step child who could potentially be as old as my DC's friends' parents (my step child is definitely not adulting enough to parent). I'm hoping that my DC will have a positive experience:/

@Newmumatlast 34 is not remotely old, it's pretty average.

45andfine congrats 💐💐. I wouldn’t read too much into the comments on this thread.

The risks don’t just come from you being an older mother but also from your DH being an older father particularly for conditions like autism and schizophrenia

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5299396/

@Singlenotsingle I find it astonishing that an averagely healthy 44-year-old would find it too tiring to hang out with small children. The average life expectancy of a U.K. woman is currently nearly 81; that’s an awfully long time to be prematurely old

Fertility begins at 13
We may live longer but that doesn’t change our peak years it just prolongs old age

@45andfine
It’s not negativity. People are simply stating how they feel. I’m glad your pregnancy has been fine so far. People are just commenting how at 45 most people have teenage children. How your child will be younger when you die. How it will be harder to keep up. How you will be older than your childs friends. That’s all.

OP, I would listen to people who actually are in your and your partner's age bracket and have had a baby in it. I got pregnant at 40 and am really fed up with this "oh no I'm done at 33 and I'm knackered so obviously 45 is too old" stuff you see here. There are plenty of parents of babies and toddlers in their 40s and plenty of 40+ people providing full on care to adult dependants. It's offensive to act as if everyone wilts at midnight on the last day of their 39th year.

As for not wanting to saddle your kids with elderly parents in their 40s or die early, maybe someone could pass the memo to my dad, who was 30 when I was born and died when he was 52 and I was 21, or my mum, who became profoundly disabled a couple of years and required personal care from me for the rest of my 20s, none of which exactly gave me a headstart on finding the right bloke in time to hit that pre-35 window.

I'm rolling my eyes at some of you lot going on about how "knackered" you are and how you couldn't cope with a toddler in your 40s or a primary school child or teen in your 50s. Do you think you might have vitamin deficiency?

I'm 56, postmenopausal and work 10 hour days in a nursery. I have no plans or desire to retire. I have a teenage DD and have loved every stage of her life. She doesn't appear embarrassed by me and is happy to have friends over or let me chauffeur her and them around. She won't be spending her 20s/30s caring for me - she'll be leading the independent life I'm raising her to enjoy.

@Sakura7 that's what I concluded before I had my DC - I did think very carefully about it. I am old compared to most people I went to school with, many of whom have teenagers, but about average compared to people I went to university with. I do remember at my graduation my parents were the youngest by a stretch and they had me early 20s. Its just when I've read some of the posts in this thread it made me worry again. I do think there are a lot of people my age down south and actually when I was being treated when pregnant a common theme was doctors telling me I was young.

Op

I think taking a poll on this is pointless

I’m 45 and definitely wouldn’t have another child but I’m not you. I started younger so I’m done, I’ve experienced parenting and am happy for that chapter to close.
My dh is 50 and would

Posted too soon

My dh is 50 and is too old now imo

I think you could be right when you say your dh doesn’t know what he is letting himself in for!!

@MirrorintheSky I too find it odd how many people are absolutely exhausted. I guess people have different levels of health at different ages but it wouldnt be right to suggest to OP that everyone at 45 with a newborn would be knackered. If I listened to all of the people telling me it would be really hard in my 30s I wouldnt have done it - but its absolutely fine. My parents are around 60 and they look after other grandchildren an awful lot. My mother does on her own a lot too. No issues. And they have them overnight weekly

I had my 3rd at 42 but it was a case of now or never. I wouldn’t have had one any later. Fortunately my 3rd was my easiest, least complicated pregnancy, and thankfully he was the easiest baby of the 3 because if he’d been like ds1 it might have finished me off

I think the exhaustion is also due to having more than one child.

The older Mums I know all have three so they've been running around after all of them, plus working. Doesn't mean they physically can't do it, but they're all quite stretched.

One of them only has the youngest at home now (older two at university) so it's easier now.

It's v. different when you only have one (IMO) and grandparents presumably do have plenty of breaks from childcare and normally get a decent night's sleep - I would hope so anyway!

No

I had my 2nd child at 44 after a 10 year gap. It's been grand. He's amazing and DS1 is the most in-love, doting big brother. They adore eachother.