Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

Yes if it suits your family dynamic and you are physically up for the challenges, and mentally prepared for the possibility of increased health problems.

I had my smallest at 42, a post cancer piece if magic. Wouldn't be without her. And yes you do feel tired, but being older has it's perks, lots of things that would drive you ragged in your 20s don't seem anywhere near as dire in your 40s. Life experience gives you a different perspective.

Yes I'll be 60 when she turns 18, and we will party hard! I have no plans of being a doddery old bird at 60.

Sid
It's not ignorance at all stop being so defensive.

Its personal opinion.

I don't think it matters very much how old or young you are when you become the family's senior members.

Easy to say, much harder to live with if you've had it happen to you in your 20s/30s.

At 28 I was begging my mother to get a power of attorney put in place for my dad who at this point had mild to moderate dementia. He was fine with it but she blocked it at every turn, because "they're only for old senile people". Guess who's had to pick up the pieces, including financially, now that his dementia has progressed and her health has gone rapidly downhill?

Quite honestly, a big part of the reason why I haven't had kids myself yet is that I have so much on my plate managing my parents and working. Time is pushing on now, and I don't want to put a child through this in their youth, so it probably won't happen for me. I think I'm ok with that, but do wonder if things might have been different if I hadn't had so much on my plate at a fairly young age.

However toned and super fit you are you can’t cheat time or aging and your reproductive system is 45 even if you might pass as 38. 45 myself and have really noticed massive aging from 42-45 in friends too. We all well past the baby stage. Also won’t you be the odd man out? We all moving onto the next stage as kids get more independent why the hell would you want to go back?

Well I'm 44 and a baby certainly isn't in my plan. If I get caught however that would be a different story.

Nope. My cut off was 40. From my own experience as a child I think late 20's - late 30's is the optimum time to have children.

Honestly ? Only with donor eggs and you can afford a lot of help.

You are still looking after a young child so adding another one in makes little difference. So many people saying No but they don’t understand that you are in the early flush of love for your child and that brings with it energy and excitement. Yes you will be an older mum but many young mums and 30 year old mums struggle and question how they are doing, it’s all part of the richness of motherhood. Go for it.

I wouldnt personally..going on the ages my grandparents died the child might barely make it to adulthood before I go. The risks for the child having serious health problems is high and also complications for older mothers

No. My children will be 20 and 17 when i'm 45. I wouldn't want anymore after 37 tbh

Nope, am 43 and already menopausal so no chance anyway. Plus my dc are 16 an 10.

6 year gap worked well for us, tbh it was only when ds1 was almost 5 that I felt I could consider another. I guess if I'd had him at 40 then yep I'd have considered/had another at 45.

No you are too old.

Had my first at 40 and my second at 50. Both adopted so no biology involved. The second baby was a happy accident for the entire family. She’s three now and I’m tired! But mainly because I’m a single parent to both and a non-stop taxi driver to two thriving, blossoming girls who love their extra-curricular activities.

We may not be everyone’s idea of the perfect family but we’re the right family for us

Moomin. Sounds like a lovely family😊

Intrigued how second adoption was an accident - or to be h9nest I’m nosey😊.

Not with my own eggs, no. And would be concerned about partner's sperm if he was same age.

Personally, no fucking way but my DC are 29 and 18 (I'm 46). If I hadn't been a parent until my 40's then, yes I would continue to have children into my 40's if it was possible.

If I'd had my first at 40 I'd consider another one at 45 but that would absolutely be my cut off. If I wasn't pregnant before my 46th birthday I'd stop trying. I'd worry about not being there for them in adulthood but in my heart I'd still want to try and that would be a hell of an emotional battle. I really feel for you.

That being said, if I was still desperate to fill my nest I would try for adoption but I wouldn't risk my health to have another, because of my first DC. I'd adopt an older child (still younger than my DC).

It is your decision, its obviously a lot to weigh up. I truly hope for the best possible outcome for you.

OP - I DID! :)

I had a very unexpected pregnancy at 45: had my baby just before my 46th birthday.

He’s a fantastic addition to our little family and adored by his brother and sister.

I had a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby

I think you're just incredibly naive/ poorly researched to have such a jovial and carefree outlook on it.

At 45 your chances of miscarriage have risen significantly since your previous "straight forward" pregnancy.

Now I've had all of my miscarriages much younger than you, and I'm currently 34 weeks with my second, but those miscarriages were the darkest days of my life and they introduced emotions I will probably carry forever with me. On paper a miscarriage is quite an easy "if" to weigh up, if you've never had to live through it. But in reality it is just utterly heartbreaking.

Knowing the statistics of that alone at your age would stop me from even trying.

I had my DS at 44. The best thing that ever happened to me. IVF own egg/sperm from now exH. DS is now 5. If you're physically fit and young at heart, go for it! X

If I'd had my children in my 20's then no, but you only started your family 5 years ago, so why not if you can.

Personally not now - I’m almost 45.
I’d want more than one child, but I wouldn’t have left it so long.

@XingMing.. thank you and i'm sorry for saying your post was goady. I was just feeling downhearted at the negative responses of those who had their DCs at a younger age. Like some have said, this thread makes for hard reading if you had children in your 40s. As DH just pointed out, we can't all meet the loves of our lives in our 20s, be helped on to the property ladder and have secure jobs. I would do anything to turn back the clock and inherit enough, or be helped out, to be able to provide a comfortable life for a baby or two in our mid 20s to 30s, but we had to fight to have our DS when we did. We are all dealt very different hands in life.

I wouldn't intentionally get pregnant, the risks are so high

Absolutely if it was right for me and my family at that time. I'm pregnant with my first at 39 and I'm definitely open to considering a 2nd child further down the line.

I have a solid career behind me, have had so many fabulous experiences and I'm healthy. So why not.