Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

I'm 49 and grandmother to 4. There is no way on earth I'd have kids in my 40s. It was exhausting enough in my 20s. I love having my independence now my DC are all adults, and love the relationships I have with them. My grandchildren are the stars in my sky, but my god, I'm knackered looking after them.

I personally think kids deserve younger parents and ones who are going to be around for more than 20/30 years of their lives. But that's me, we all think differently. It's what is right for you, OP.

I would. 45 is not that old.

@eminencegrise The fact is that more and more conditions increase with parental age; there is increasing evidence that autism, which cannot be screened for prenatally, does.

Do you have a study for this? I can't seem to find one but might not be searching the right keywords.

Had my first at 31 and it has been utterly physically exhausting (and I am very fit!). I’ve had lots of miscarriages (before and after my son) and it is horrendous. The risks are so high in your 40s and even with a live birth the chances of a child with disabilities, who may have to be raised/cared for by your existing child, are also high.

My mum has me at 33 and now in her mid-60s her health isn’t great. When I was at school all the other mums were 10 years younger and I did notice it. I have worried about her dying most of my life! And I still really really need her despite the fact I’m an adult now. If she was 12 years older I would have hated it.

I know what it is to desperately want a child, but you have one.

Hell no.

Fuck, no!

You would likely be entering peri menopause when your youngest child is still primary school aged.

If, like me, peri starts at 40 then you will be peri and dealing with a newborn...

I had my dc at 30 and 35 and the pg was much harder and the recovery from birth longer.

My bil will be 51 when my nephew starts school. I wouldn't want that personally.

If you want to! There is an over 40s baby Facebook group.

I had all 6 of mine by 28 so definitely wouldn't start again at 45.

I might stop using contraception but I wouldn't use any ivf or anything. Let nature decide.

Pregnancy Over 40 group on Facebook

Ideally no, I wouldn't. But I met my DH when I was young and we were lucky enough to manage to have our children when we wanted to, with the youngest born when I was 36.

If things hadn't panned out so well and I had my last chance at parenthood at 45 then I would go for it.

I would I had a 2nd baby at 43, it wasn't planned but I would have happily had one at 44 or 45 as didn't want DC1 to be an only child

no!

All very personal OP, depends on your circumstances.

I'm a young mum in my area 30 with 3 DCs first one at 24. My friends in their mid-30s are still child-free professionals. Most mums here have their first at 35-40. My personal cut-off is 35 but I deliberately had my children early and am thankfully financially secure and able to offer my children the "benefits of an older mum" in that regard.

Like some have said your child may be embarrassed or not. My personal experience probably shaped my desire to have children early as I watched cousins struggle with having an older DPs, not knowing GPs and now being responsible for parents in the teens/early 20s. But it's up to you and how you feel.

I had my last DC at 38 and didn’t feel old at all when I had her but 12 years later, my elderly DM is in very poor health and need a lot of care, my DD is nearly 12 and in full pre-teen mode and I also have a 15 year old DS. I am peri-menopausal. I cannot imagine having to deal with a pre school child as well. You may feel Ok at the moment, but teenagers, menopause and elderly parents is not a good mix imo. I could not imagine having teenagers when I was in my 60s however fit you feel at the moment!

Id not. Just the thought of my son being in his 20s -30s or so and losing his mum cuz of the age would put me off
My mum was in her late 30s when my gp died and I think she was too young for that experience

i pity the child who has a mother in her 50's when they are 10, it's selfish at the very least. a 30 something with their own family then caring for a parent in their 80's.

I wouldn't personally...however that being said I'm pregnant with my second and my husband is 45 (I'm 32 if it matters).
I think each to their own, however for me if this isn't that last one, the next one ( if there is a next one) will be...35 is probably my cut off point.

I pity the child who has a mother in the 50s when they are 10
Wow, I'll be 49 and 51 when my children are. They'll be nothing to pity really. I pity the children with parents who can't afford them, who shout at them, who don't give them quality time, who give them Crisps and chocolate in the supermarket to shut them up, who feed them junk, who sit tjem in front of the TV all day.
Some ridiculous comments on here

If you can conceive naturally and are capable of giving a baby a good life then I'd say go for it. My mum had me at 26 and my brother at 38. Now I know 38 is quite a bit different from 45 and lots of women have kids at 38 but I honestly feel she was able to give my brother a better life for having him older. She even said herself that at 26, all she wanted to do was go out with friends, go travelling and have fun. I think she resented me coming along and taking all that away from her to be honest.

But yeah, if you and DH can give the baby a good life and you feel prepared to take on the challenge of a baby, then go for it. Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

I wouldn’t for the risks to mum and child - there are so many disabilities they can’t test for in utero.

I don't think it matters very much how old or young you are when you become the family's senior members. We have a 20yo and another who's 90. while we're not the oldest, we are definitely currently the most senior. We make decisions based on what we think our older relatives would have wanted to happen and try to make the choices they would have made themselves.

The ignorance on this thread is high! Some people can't pick and choose when they want to have children. There are many factors to take into consideration - a partner for one. (I started late because I hadn't met the right person - pretty common these days).

It's 2020 and some people are choosing to look after themselves pretty well, we're living longer and healthier.

OP - you'll know yourself - do you keep well? Does your partner keep well? What's the genetics like? Parents kept well? Still going? It's really a matter of health and whether or not you think you can be here for them.

I think a sibling for your child is a good thing. They'll always have each other.

Stuff what anyone else thinks, you know yourself and your situation better than anyone.

Got to page 6 of this thread then had to speak up.

Surely the only replies that are relevant here are from people ttc in their 40s, those who were pregnant in their 40s and those whose parents had them in their 40s?

To the "No, because I had my family in my 20 / 30s". Good for you. That would be most people's choice but circumstances can throw you a curly one sometimes.

OP - it's whether or not you feel physically up to it, bearing in mind the risks which sadly do increase at that age

Definitely not