Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

Go for it

Yes I would go for it. I had my second a month before my 44th birthday. I would have another but DP says no.

I think it’s so incredibly personal. What works for some will be others idea of a nightmare.

From a practical point of view conceiving is likely to be tough so do you think you could cope with potential failure. I think you and your husband also need discussions about how you will feel about a child with additional needs. Neither of these should be a barrier it’s just a smart plan to have a really honest conversation about. Good luck

Yes. Life is unpredictable but go for it.

No.
Value freedom.

@JinglingHellsBells yes but you only need to see the threads on here with people horrified when they’re accidentally called ‘Nana’ when they’re the Mum of the child to see that you can’t have it both ways. Round here, if you look 50-60 people just aren’t going to assume you’re Mum, they just aren’t.

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t fancy doing menopause at the same time as raising a little kid. I would also be concerned about the increased risk of problems.

If I hadn’t been able to have a kid until that age I might though.

Yes

No- I believe it is too old. Man or woman.

I had my first/only child at 43, and it went well. A later accidental pregnancy failed at 46. Now nearly 64, and DS is 20. Clever-ish healthy and entirely delightful... and still financially dependent. I would not ever wish not to have had him and I was INCREDIBLY fortunate that it happened at all, and that everything went right for me. If you want it, get your skates on; the window is closing fast.

I don't know why everyone keeps saying they wouldn't want teenagers in their fifties and sixties. The op already has a five year old. Her fifties will be spent child rearing any way.

Im 46. Id love another baby. However, I wouldn't love being a 60 year old with a teenager!

I had my last baby at 42.5. I'm so glad I did. Hanging around with mums 10 years younger than me at the school gates kept me feeling young. I'm now nearly 60 still with a child at school and I do not feel as if there is anything wrong with it. I'm starting to get back my old life again, doing almost all the things I did before I had my three DCs. Friends younger than me have grandchildren now. I really do not feel ready for those!

Sorry didnt rtft and said the same thing

I'm about to turn 43

DS is 24, DD is 18

I personally think 45 is too old, not so much the next 5 years but as you get older (60 with a 15 year old) it's not great for either of you.

I had DS when I was 18 and lots of people wouldn't agree with that either! Very happy with how it has all turned out though

I loved being an old mum at school by the way. I could dodge anything I didn't want to do, and could silence teachers right up to deputy principals with a glance. Age is a powerful tool, carefully deployed.

Hmmm

Not sure. I do think a sibling is a lovely thing to have. I wouldn’t be without my sister. And I think with older parents it would be good to have someone to share the burden with.

But it depends. You are more likely to suffer ill health during the child’s childhood. And as others have said your OH’s age is also a factor.

Though decision😊💐

It's a no from me too however 40 would have been my cut off for a last baby.

I know this is a very unpopular opinion these days but I don’t think it’s fair on the children to have them when you are already middle aged. 40 is when you should be finishing having your children, not starting.

What a goady post! If only things were that simple in life for everyone. What if when you are in your 20s or 30s, you don't have a secure job or housing? What if you don't actually meet anyone special enough to have a baby with until you're older? There are no rules. Life experiences are different for everyone. Surely people shouldn't be encouraged to have children if they can't provide for them!

I had mine at 42 and 45. DH is 6 years older than me.
Natural conceptions, uneventful pregnancies, normal deliveries - very lucky I know.

We are fit and active - I ride, swim and walk with DS1 and 2 and DH climbs and kayaks with them.

Routinely I see the 20 and 30 year old parents sitting on the sidelines, overweight, disinterested and fixated on their phones. It’s about attitude not age.
Our decrepitude means we’re comfortably off. Each child is being well catered for in the long term financially so there will be no pressure on them to provide or care for us in our dotage.

Thankfully I spent my 20’s and 30’s working hard but having a good time not raising kids.
We’ve both been very content to work part time now and spend a lot of time with our young family rather than missing everything as there’s a big mortgage to cater for.

When’s too old to have a baby? Menopause surely since that’s the point of it.
Each to their own.

No!!!!! I'm 44 and my eldest is 26. No way would I start again now!

No!
Arthritis!!!! Agh! It'll kill you and the menopause ..

This thread seems to have already inspired a thread about it in some ways

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3799083-To-think-that-grandparents-are-a-lovely-bonus-but-not-essential

I had one at 42 and its been great. I am very healthy and having her keeps me motivated to work out and stay healthy. She's three and so far she doesn't get less of me than my kids I had 15 years ago.

She's a great joy and I thank the universe for her. I am looking forward to her childhood and I am not too tired. So far, her life seems pretty grand and having an older mum isn't doing her any harm.

I don't want one at age 45, but I have three. If I still wanted one I'd go for it.

Also although mine are in thier 20s they still need a mum sometime could you be thier for emotional and financial support for them when you nearly 80

This is very important and something that people just don't think of. There's a lot of growing up to do after 18.

I pretty much lost all parental support by my mid twenties as the tables turned and they needed support. It's hard to go through that so young. Friends just cannot relate to it, they still have parents who are fit and active (and in possession of most of their marbles). That's the norm these days, and it's hard when you don't get to experience that while everyone else around you does.