Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

My mum had my sisters at 42 and 44 and a half. She had no problems with the birth. We lived in a flat with the laundry downstairs. It was terry nappies and a copper. You had to boil the copper water then wash after rinsing, rinse twice by using tongs to lift the nappies out and wring. All the washing was done in a similar manner for family of six. We moved when youngest was three and my mum went to look after three more children that lost their mother and mum did get a modern washing machine. From 46 - 50 my mum looked after seven children. The two fathers worked away for months at a time. My mum didn’t drive.
So to those saying it is to much at that age life today is much easier than my mum had it. If you are fit and healthy why not.

I’m 63 and I’m still working with children.

Absolutely go for it. Your are in a whole better situation than most people bringing babies into this world, it will be the most amazing gift to give to your only child, even to try you will have no regrets.

My friend did. She ended up looking after a spirited toddler and an elderly mother with dementia at the same time. I couldn’t have children and had really wanted them, but I wouldn’t change places with her.

DickDewy She had had her first baby in her mid twenties, wanted more and tried for several years, gave up and lived her life. New baby was a shock, she thought periods stopping was menopause, but born perfectly healthy and a easy pregnancy and labour

I wouldn’t hit purely because I’m only 30. In 15 years my kids will be 21, 18 and 15. I wouldn’t then go back to newborn.

If you’re happy and able to - go for it!

My sister and brother in law had there ds at 45, he is now 13 and has sen They are permanently knackered and tbh, they look it too. I had my two at 32 and 35 and have always felt that was too late, I would have preferred having my kids in my late 20’s.

The uni/retirement thing is massive. We’re really well off but have found the uni years very expensive. I can’t see how it’s doable on a pension.

I wouldn't try - however if I found out I was pregnant I'd continue the pregnancy

However I'm 41 now think it would be hard to go back to baby days (mine range from 9 to 19) - if I had just had my first baby in the past year I'd probably be wanting another

I had my last baby 45, she’s an absolute joy and I have no regrets, especially when I see her with her siblings. I do worry about the future though, I’m in good health and have plenty of energy currently but I worry that our decisions will cause her problems in the future (we didn’t plan to have her so late, it just happened that way with pregnancy loss then thinking we could no longer get pregnant).
I think I would feel more worried if she was an only though. There’s a very real risk that if anything unexpected happens to our health then we could leave her saddled with a lot of responsibilities at an early age. It needs careful financial planning to try to avoid being a burden to her as we get older.
I’m not sure there’s a right or wrong answer to this!

No, but because both of mine would be over 15 so I'd deffo not want to go back.

I also think it depends where you live. I think round here you’d find it hard to connect with other mums who are all sort of late 20s/early 30s teachers/nurses type things, and who have two or three very close together, with Grandparents in their 50s/60s who are very involved. That’s the usual demographic. If you’re in certain enclaves in London or wherever though, you’d be slightly looked down on for having a baby at 28 and everyone at baby groups etc are 40+.

Also be aware that fifties/sixties is a key time when lots of people end up looking after parents with health issues. I have seen women almost broken from the combination of young children/elderly parents. If that is a realistic possibility, be aware of it.

No I wouldn’t.
Too much could go wrong , though you might be perfectly ok.
I’d hade to look like granny at the school gates.
I’m 55. I know I couldn’t run after a toddler and spend hours on the floor playing with him/her at 47, certainly as I’d had my children in my early 30s.
However it’s your choice. Some women choose to have a child in their 50s.
If you’re fit and healthy , go for it.

No way. I'm 58 now and the idea of having a 13yo fills me with abject terror. I'm reasonably active but I'm finding more and more that my body is slowing me down. I don't bounce back from things as quickly as I did.

Also, you'd likely be going through the menopause when your second child is still very young. Some women sail through it, many don't.

I'm afraid I agree with those saying the time to have #2 was very shortly after having #1. 45 for you, 45+ for the father, is too old. Not fair on the potential child, not very fair on your older child either given the high risk of disability/miscarriage/pregnancy complications.

Until not that long ago, women were having kids right up to the menopause around 50. No one bleated on about 'being 60 when they were 15' because a lot of them would be dead anyway!

Funny how no one bats an eyelid at a man becoming a father at 45 ( or 75 if you are Mick Jagger) but all hell breaks loose if a woman wants a child at 45.

Personally, I would not as the risk of Down's Syndrome is very high (something like 1:4 or 1:8?) but it's a very personal decision.

I had DS2 at 44. I guess I was lucky to be pretty fit and he had no health problems. DD1 was my first at 40.
I didn't feel old then and I don't now. I enjoy ferrying them around etc. A number of DC friends have parents who are older (not quite as old as me!) and even those who are younger, look and act older than they are.
We will have paid off the mortgage by the time DS is uni age, so funds will be available. Since we're self-employed, we probably won't retire!
I say go for it, OP.

Yes , immediately! I've had 16 years of trying and 45 this year. If it's what you want go for it.

I had my first at 29 and then my last at 39 - he was due on my 40th - and no I would not do it again. Even though I adore both my boys; it's so much harder now at 49 with a 9 year old ... just IME ...

I don't know why people ask these things on mumsnet as there always seems to be quite negative replies re having babies in later life. I wouldn't, mainly because I'm having a second at 41, got pregnant when I was 40. I've had 3 losses so far and would not go through that again. I'm done.

Only skimmed the thread

I had my first at 34 and second at 38 both are in private school. Bear in mind that if you want both to stay in private until 18 that makes it more difficult to scale down from a stressful job as you get older.

If you have a child at 45 you will still be paying for school and uni well into your mid 60’s.

I’d hade to look like granny at the school gates

what an incredibly shallow and crass reason not to have another child.

A woman of 45-55 does not have to 'look like a granny' whatever the fuck that means. Bonnet and shawl anyone?

You really plan your family based on how other people might look on you?

No. I had a tfmr for Downs at 33, it was horrible but at least I was young enough to go on and have a healthy child afterwards. The risk at 45 would be too high.
I think I would only risk it if the other alternative was to remain childless. If you have a child already be grateful and done with one IMO.

I had my two in my late 20s. Jobs now in 52 my kids all set up in thier own lives l couldn't imagine having a primary school aged child.
Also although mine are in thier 20s they still need a mum sometime could you be thier for emotional and financial support for them when you nearly 80

Both not jobs

No, it’s too old, too many risks.