Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

I wouldn’t - I’m 44 now, and would be 45 by the time a hypothetical child was born. I simply can’t contemplate going back to the baby/toddler stage. But then my DC are teenagers - which is my absolute favourite parenting stage so far

Absolutely, it's your body and you know what you're capable of.Think of the joy another child would bring to your daughter.

No but not because of any worry about being an older mother. I would be more worried about repeated miscarriage or far higher risk of health issues with the foetus.

No, never. I found the baby/primary years piss easy but the teen years were pretty traumatic. I wouldn’t want to go through that in my late 50s/60s. I will be 45 this year and my kids are grown. I am really working on my career now and loving it.

My SIL has her first child at 46 after fertility treatment. While her DD is gorgeous, she is bloody knackered with all the running around. She has started with the menopause and has aged so much in the last couple of years as she is constantly on the go. She now realises that when her DD is at university, she will be in her 60’s with no probable hope of retirement.
Personally, I entered to menopause at 42 and the thought of having another child after 40 would be a definite no go.
That said, if you go ahead, good luck to you!

You will be 62 when the leave school ! I am in my 50s and dealing with the menopause and dealing with a child at this time would be way too much

Also, setting your own cut-off (assuming that nature hasn't already done that for you) is also a very personal and arbitrary choice. It's easy to do that when you've already had all the children you want.

It's a bit like asking "Who would want to live to 100?" Plenty of people aged 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 - seeing the many struggles and low quality of life that many very old people have and it still being a long way away for them, would say no, absolutely not. However, if you ask people who have already made it to 96, 97, 98, 99 and for whom it's not that far away (and who are thinking of the only possible alternative), you'd likely receive a very different overall response.

Yes the risk of chromosomal disorders increases and if your DP is older, there is research suggesting older sperm increases the risk of autism.

Could you manage if your child had an SN?

My mum had me when she was 42. It was never a problem when I was growing up. My parents watched Top of the Pops with us and were always up to date with what we were interested in growing up. She died at 81 when my daughter was 9 so my daughter has great memories of her and she was a wonderful inspiration to my daughter. Yes I wish we could have had more time with her but you never know when your time is going to be up. If you’re fit and healthy with a young at heart outlook on life then go for it.

I had my daughter at 40, she is now 16 and embarrased by my age, although she has friends whose mothers are only a couple of years younger than me!
It is such an individual choice, i know of two people who had a baby later, one was 45 and the other 52.

Realistically, if you had wanted this enough you would have done it before your DC got to age 5, wouldn’t you?

I think this may be just the thought of your diminishing fertility and a bit of sadness about that. I’ve had it too, when i first noticed some perimenopause symptoms last year. (I’m 46, as I said). I’ve read that it’s Mother Nature giving you a prod to make one more human. But our world doesn’t need one more human. And you have your DC, who would be 6 by the time the baby came and not in their childhood peer group as the age gap is too large.

I would.

52? That's biblical levels of ancientness!

Chances are you will continue working to help with Uni fees at a time when if you have money you could be cutting back your hours and taking it easy.

Not a chance. I’d have aborted if I’d got pregnant at that age. Mine were 12 and 10 when I was 45, no way would I have gone back to baby days

I think if you feel it's the right thing for your family , go ahead. I would if I was in your position. Good luck.

In your situation I would try.

I am 44, so would be 45 when I delivered if I got pregnant now. Personally, it wouldn't be for me as my DCs are 22, 18 & 10 and - at 44 - I am just starting my career properly (newly qualified nurse).

But it isn't really my age that would put me off, more my life circumstances at the moment. In many ways I am fitter & healthier at 44 than I was at 22.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll whilst I agree with parts of your post, I don’t agree with the part about having a well-off grandma who is able to help out when this hypothetical child has kids of their own.

Child is born Mum is 46yrs, child wants their own child at say, 31, mum is 77 when the baby is born!! I wouldn’t call that an age I’d leave a newborn at. Yes grandma might have money but so what?! I don’t get the mumsnet thing about money/house being the only deciding factors in how ‘responsibly’ you’re bringing a child into the work. In this situation the Grandma would be in their 80s when the child is starting school. Would you expect at 82+ year old to be doing the school run?

My own grandparents are late 60s / early 70s and I wouldn’t leave a newborn alone with them for more than an hour, it’s not fair. One has fairly serious mobility issues and another has been in perfect health until 70 and then suddenly gone a bit downhill.

Not in a million years.

Be aware that nearly every woman gets broody when approaching menopause. It seems to be hormonal. Even woman I know who never wanted a child before and afterwards, felt broody just before peri menopause. So don't base it on that.

No. I am 44, nearly 45 and the idea of another baby now would be a huge no, for me. However, it’s an incredibly personal choice and if you feel strongly about if, why not? I have three children, two in their teens, so a very different proposition for us. Good luck with your decision.

I had DS at 41. He's our only and although we sort of tried for another, it never happened. We were never in a secure enough position either. I think once i hit 45 i just knew that was it for me. It was hard to come to terms with but it's still hard knowing DS will never have a sibling.
I would say that those who judge on age are being unfair. As long as a child is loved and wanted, there's no guarantee of what will happen in the future. Things can happen at all ages. So i don't think YABU for wanting this. I wanted the same but it never happened for us. Just i would say it's much much harder ttc. I wish you all the best x

Yes, why ever not?

I had a baby at 43 and still felt very fit and active by 45...and 60. I go to the gym, have active hobbies, am very healthy, DCs have had fantastic holiday experiences, we are adventurous.... there has been no disadvantage at all to being older parents.

Oh, OK: the Uni maintenance just as we are at peak panic for retirement saving!

No but maybe I would if it was my only one but not if I already had one.

Not personally, but a lot of my friends had a child at 40, 41, or 42. I'd think 45 is fairly unlikely to actually happen naturally and am broadly against using donor eggs personally.