Getting fatter and buying new clothes is wasteful

[TreesRUs]

Need some help working out if I’m being gaslighted here.

I’m overweight, had to buy new trousers as old ones didn’t fit. DH gave me a disgusted look, told me that was awful and wasteful, that he’d never had to buy new clothes because he’d got fatter and that I should just stop.

I’ve been trying to lose weight for years. I’d love to. Mental barriers more than anything.

It felt cruel and nasty. We all have flaws and tbh I don’t expect disgust over something I am trying my best to control.

AIBU?

What are you supposed to do then? Walk around naked? He’s being very unkind.

That's a bastard thing to say.

I’m supposed to just magically solve my issues with food and lose weight.

I don’t know why he can’t understand that not everyone finds it easy to maintain a healthy weight, just because he doesn’t find it hard

Fuck him. Actually, don't. Bastard.

It’s not gaslighting. Why would you think that? It’s mean and critical, unsupportive has counter productive. You feel even worse now and that’s going to make you lose weight any quicker.

Having comfortable clothes isn’t a luxury.

Asos has a mega sale on atm!

Tell him that it's wasteful for him to even buy new clothes because with his ugly face he shouldn't even leave the house.

What a nasty fucking thing to say, sorry OP. Go out and spoil yourself with some clothes. An even lower self esteem and dressing like you don't give a shit will just make things worse. Don't waste your life worrying too much about a few extra kilos. When you're old and grey, you will appreciate the moments you've been good to yourself, not the ones you've hid away in shame or listened to others who have been disgusting in their behaviour toward you.

Off you go, nice new trousers, lovely knitwear, a trip to the hair salon and perhaps even a manicure.

You deserve being treated well like any other woman.

Thank you all, I really appreciate your responses.

I just had started to doubt myself. I would prefer to be thinner, but him behaving like that about it doesn’t help, and I really appreciate the reassurance.

What a cruel thing to say.

It's not gaslighting it's just being a prick

Less wasteful than throwing food away. I'd tell him to fuck right off, everyone deserves proper clothes that fit.

I can think of an easy way for you to lose 12 stone...

Buy two pairs...

The “awful and wasteful” thing is the time spent with someone who is so unkind.

In 6 months time you could be 2 stones lighter. He'll still be a knobhead.

How old is he? Because unless he's one of those rare individuals that never puts on weight, then when he hits middle aged, he might be in for a wee shock, when his tummy expands. . . along with everything else.

Did he also call you oversensitive for being upset by his nastiness?

He's a nasty, cruel twat. I had to buy quite a few new clothes recently because of weight gain. I really can't see how it's wasteful to be dressed, no matter what your weight is!

That wasn't gaslighting. It was very direct and very unkind.

If you were buying a designer dress whilst planning to diet, he might have a point. Saying you can’t even have a pair of trousers that fit is ridiculous.

Is he part of the issue why you’ve out on weight? In which case he’s being a bit ignorant. E.g. carrying his children for nine months, running around doing wife work as he won’t when you could have been at swimming, stressing about making sure things are done the way he likes them as he’s a controlling pig and then you’re too tired and hungry to cook so phone a takeaway...

Or is it from things prior to him that counselling can help with? I had it for other things and it was helpful. Could that be an option?

Breaking the link between comfort eating and it making me happy is hard. I struggle too. But I have to say when I feel my clothes getting tighter I try and do something about it. I know personally if I just bought a bigger size I would be massive. And then I would have even more problems. If I was a size 10 (I wish) putting on weight I’d not be too worried though!

So yeah he’s brutal telling you but if it were me I’d try and take it on the chin as, much though I don’t want to admit it, he has a point.

You could buy a few things you like in charity shops, inexpensive, good for the environment and helps others, and over the next few weeks try and see if there is anything you haven’t tried yet that may help. I’d love to try hypnosis! Good luck in whatever you decide to do OP x

Thank you all again - I was very upset and the perspective is helping me.

Elieza no he’s not related to the weight gain, I’ve always had a problem with comfort eating and to be fair he’s not said anything like this before.

I’m frustrated because I don’t want to get fatter and have to buy new clothes because of it. But him saying that to me in a cruel way doesn’t help me. I know it already.

I’m

Random I’m at the end there. Really appreciate you all taking the time to reply to me.

Is he becoming conscious of climate change? If so, his disgust might have been at the waste of clothing rather than your weight.

The fashion industry is a massive issue in climate change and pollution in general and has become really throwaway. The flippant comment above about the ASOS sale just shows you how this mentality is everywhere. Lot of people are feeling real anxiety around this stuff.

To some extent he’s kind of right..buying bigger clothes as you get bigger is neither good for you or the planet.

But he doesn’t get to dictate your size. Why not talk to him about it? Tell him your size isn’t his business. But family finances are, and throwing money away and clothes, clothes and more clothes is. Talk about what is a happy, comfortable and achievable weight for you. Your current weight could be it? Tell him you are going to buy a few good quality key pieces to last? What is a comfortable and maintainable weight for you is your own choice, and we all vary in this...but how you spend money as a family, even the family attitude to waste, probably does need to be up for discussion.

Palavah

I can think of an easy way for you to lose 12 stone...

However he does have a bit of a point about the clothes. I’ve put weight on and my clothes are feeling tight but I’ve resolved to do something about it rather than buy new ones. It is a bit wasteful.

It's not gaslighting.

He kind of has a point.. At what size would enough by enough and you stop buying new clothes?