Getting fatter and buying new clothes is wasteful

[TreesRUs]

Need some help working out if I’m being gaslighted here.

I’m overweight, had to buy new trousers as old ones didn’t fit. DH gave me a disgusted look, told me that was awful and wasteful, that he’d never had to buy new clothes because he’d got fatter and that I should just stop.

I’ve been trying to lose weight for years. I’d love to. Mental barriers more than anything.

It felt cruel and nasty. We all have flaws and tbh I don’t expect disgust over something I am trying my best to control.

AIBU?

Ridiculous.

Does he want you to be uncomfortable all day? Or walk around with the top button of your jeans undone?

Sell some of the clothes that don't fit on FB or ebay etc, and tell DH that is covering the cost of new ones (even if it isn't).

Sometimes it's only the people closest to us, that want the best for us, that can say something that direct to actually make us think and even act. Not necessarily to do with weight, it could be anything we'd prefer stay in denial about like drinking or spending too much.

It's a metaphorical kick up the arse if you like.

Maybe he could've worded it better but imo he wasn't being U.

Personally I think he was BU. He knows you struggle with weight for whatever reasons they are, him making horrible comments like that are not going to help you loose weight they are going to make you reach for the nearest junk food.
How much does he weigh because I know how you can get rid of that much weight in a couple of minutes.

Shaming people has bags of evidence for being ineffective at making people change their behaviour.

Telling someone who's fat that they are wasteful and selfish is not going to make them lose weight particularly when they've already made clear this is strongly emotionally linked.

YANBU; of course, you should buy new clothes that fit - it is a valid and reasonable expense. Looking good helps you feel good. If you feel good, maybe you'll lose the weight - if you want to and not because he's being mean. Why does he think you would feel more motivated to lose weight if he makes you feel bad? It's just mean.

I doubt he said it as some form of master plan to make her loose weight. Lol. He simply said he didn't know why she didn't stop eating so much and gaining weight and was choosing to buy bigger clothes and that he thought it was wasteful.

Other than the way he said it and the look of disgust it's a valid question, even the op doesn't understand it.

Pretending he was saying she should not have clothes, or was trying to make her loose weight by saying it is a bit batshit.

It was an unpleasant comment that hit a sore spot. Not some master class in skullduggery.

He sounds horrible! If you really want to change your relationship with food, I highly recommend Rebelfit. I’ve struggled with dieting for 30 years and I’ve finally found something that has helped and made me feel better about myself. In terms of your OH, I think you need to have a serious think about why he’s acting in this way.

Gaslighting. It's a very specific and horrible thing where someone makes you doubt your own memory and mind. It's not just being mean to someone and I think it's quite important that it has a specific term to describe it, to acknowledge that it is a real thing.

He sounds a right dickhead. You need clothes that fit you, OP, end of. To all the posters having a go at you: I’ve lost weight over the last year, and also have had to buy new clothes. Is that fucking wasteful too? Why not hang out on the Style & Beauty threads and harangue every single poster who dares to go shopping when they - gasp! - already have clothes in their wardrobes?

I second FaithInfinity’s suggestion to try Rebelfit, if you would like support in tackkng your food issues. It was so helpful for me and I can’t recommend it enough. Take care of yourself and don’t let anyone bring you down.

Eagle.

I'm not sure I said I was perfect. In fact I'm technically overweight and doing something about it cos I ain't buying bigger clothes. It is wasteful and it will affect my fucking health.

So, get off your high horse pet.

Why can't people just say what they see on these forums instead of fannying about?!