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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 yo DD Dr appt - what to do?

138 replies

tactum · 17/01/2020 23:56

Had a text earlier this evening from surgery saying DD has arranged a Dr appt tom am, not booked with my knowledge - am assuming DD didn't realise I would get message. She has started seeing her first serious boyfriend about 3 months ago who I really like and I've been giving them 'space' together whilst also including him in suppers round the table etc.
She's already on the pill due to period issues n we've had various convos about contraception.
Am assuming appt is something to do with the relationship, just not sure how to bring it up? Any advice please..

OP posts:
madmother1 · 19/01/2020 14:55

It could just be for a pill check. My DD 19 is very open with me. She sort all her own pills etc now. I think I'd mention the the text just so she can update the telephone number.

Menora · 19/01/2020 14:57

A generic SMS about an appointment doesn’t contain any identifiable information which is why it is used.

If you got a text that said ‘confirmation of appointment’ this means nothing to the person if the number is wrong. Whereas a phone call to say something specific and identifiable is different. You also have the option to opt out of giving consent for SMS messages

cologne4711 · 19/01/2020 14:58

Our surgery doesn’t have our staff members as patients

Totally off topic now, but how does that work - if you live in the catchment of that surgery? Do you have reciprocal arrangements with other surgeries to take each other's staff?

ProfessorSlocombe · 19/01/2020 14:58

A generic SMS about an appointment doesn’t contain any identifiable information which is why it is used.

Neither does not withholding your number ...

cologne4711 · 19/01/2020 15:03

All these people saying "your poor DD" and she's an adult. Of course she's old enough to want confidentiality - but then she should tell the surgery to update their details (really I think surgeries should be doing this but I suppose in the past everyone was on a landline, and given it's the NHS, their systems haven't updated).

I've taken my son for a sports massage and I've had to stay in the room even though he was 16 at that point - their choice, not his or mine.

And he needed to go to the doctors for about the first time in a decade and I made the appointment, took him and went in with him. I did ask him what he wanted to do and he said he wanted me to go in with him.

Aged 16 plus they have to fill in a form giving permission for parents to have any knowledge of their appointment clearly not the case as I made my son's appointment for him and they didn't tell me I couldn't.

cologne4711 · 19/01/2020 15:04

I've never understood the withholding your number thing with medical things, though they don't all do it. Abortion clinics, maybe, but you hardly need to keep the fact that you've a dentist appointment next week a secret from family!

eeyore228 · 19/01/2020 15:04

I would let her know that you are still her contact at the surgery and that she needs to update her contact details. That way you are letting her know you value her privacy and it gives her the chance to talk if she wants.

ivykaty44 · 19/01/2020 15:06

A generic SMS about an appointment doesn’t contain any identifiable information which is why it is used.

That a person has an appointment
Which that person might not want anyone to know about, but that choice has been taken away by altering someone else

Text does have the name of the patient included

ivykaty44 · 19/01/2020 15:07

cologne4711

How does anyone else decide what we keep secret from family and why should they?

iolaus · 19/01/2020 15:10

I would tell her I received a text reminder of her appointment at the GP - both tot remind her and also to tell her she needs to change her number on there from mine (I'm assuming my 17 year old did when she went on the pill as I don't get any reminders for her - despite her telling me she's got an appointment, I did get a reminder for my 16 year old sons appointment)

1forsorrow · 19/01/2020 15:17

I was married and pregnant at 17, working fulltime, cooking, cleaning, shopping. If my mother had wanted a "chat" about a doctors appointment I'd have thought she'd lost it. If I'd needed help/advice/support I'd have asked for it.

ilovemyrednosedaymug · 19/01/2020 15:21

Several friends work for our local surgery and they are all registered there themselves too.

However, she must have given them your mobile number if she has only recently registered, how would they have got it otherwise?

The surgery can't be blamed if it uses information provided by DD. (not that that was your question).

I would tell DD that you have had a reminder and suggest that she gives them her own number now that she is 17.

VenusTiger · 19/01/2020 15:23

@cologne4711 you can make an appointment for anyone of any age at their doctors surgery. I've made many for my DH. Dentist included. It's if the patient doesn't want that to be the case, they have to let the surgery know.

JohnVirgo · 19/01/2020 15:25

OP did she tell you why she gave your phone number to her employer rather then her own?

flouncyfanny · 19/01/2020 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Menora · 19/01/2020 15:32

My surgery (work and personal) just send out the appointment date and time

There is also a reliance on adults to provide up to date numbers, hence you will be asked and reminded a lot. If you give out the wrong number that is on you Hmm

Yes staff are expected to register at another surgery and it is a reciprocal agreement but it’s not forced it’s just not ideal

Nomorepies · 19/01/2020 15:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Redonion123 · 19/01/2020 15:39

Cologne - the local CCg can provide you a place a t a nearby surgery.

Ops daughters appointment could be a yearly pill check.

viques · 19/01/2020 15:40

I think you need to let her know that her Drs appointments are notified to you, she then has the option of asking the surgery to amend her contact details if she wants to.

BrokenWing · 19/01/2020 15:51

No drama about me prying or anything.

Ah, but did you tell her you had a whole MN thread about it and everyone knows she has an appointment now? Only teasing...glad you got it sorted.

Thefaceofboe · 19/01/2020 15:55

I wouldn’t mention it. She’s basically an adult now

daisypond · 19/01/2020 16:01

I wouldn’t mention it. I was taken aback when seeing the doctor once that the doctor mentioned in passing that she had seen my daughter -then 16- the previous day. I had no knowledge of it, and I don’t think the GP should have mentioned it.

ScrambledEggsOnToast1 · 19/01/2020 16:02

The only thing you need to do is tell her to get your contact number removed from her records and updated with her own. At 17 her appointment is none of your business, just unfortunate your surgery has breached her confidentiality.

Cynthie · 19/01/2020 16:05

@tactum

But it's impossible to be registered at two surgeries at the same time. How can she get an appointment at this surgery she's working at if she's still registered at yours?

Rubyroost · 19/01/2020 16:13

She's 17 and she's made a Dr's appt without telling you.. For a reason! Must you know. Can't you let her have some privacy!!

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