17 yo DD Dr appt - what to do?

[tactum]

Had a text earlier this evening from surgery saying DD has arranged a Dr appt tom am, not booked with my knowledge - am assuming DD didn't realise I would get message. She has started seeing her first serious boyfriend about 3 months ago who I really like and I've been giving them 'space' together whilst also including him in suppers round the table etc.
She's already on the pill due to period issues n we've had various convos about contraception.
Am assuming appt is something to do with the relationship, just not sure how to bring it up? Any advice please..

^ Someone once told me that a sign of being a good parent was raising an independent and confident young adult who were able to get things sorted for themselves while knowing you were always there in the background if needed... Let her get on with it - it could be anything from acne to wanting a different type of contraception to a secret infected belly button piercing!
Do let her know to change her number at the doctors though and that you're there if she ever wants to talk*
This! It’s to be commended that she’s taking responsibility for her own healthcare and you should respect her privacy. Where I think youngsters can benefit is on experience in navigating the healthcare system with prompt referrals etc. So you could ask if she’s getting the service and support she needs from the GP practise....that might be helpful. But don’t probe.

Why does she need to book appointments with your knowledge - she’s 17?

If she doesn’t want to tell you what it’s regarding, there’s nothing you can do so stop being overbearing. She’s entitled to privacy. If she wants to keep her appointment confidential, that’s her prerogative.

Guessing op doesn't want to hear she should keep her nose out

People who are saying it's none if your business really confuse me.
Of course there's no need to interrogate her, but at the same time, surely it opens the doors to communication to just ask if everything is ok. ...?

OMG, please don't do the carefully framed "is everything ok", because then she is forced to talking to you about it... even if it's a very strained "yes".

Forward her the text, say "they're still sending me your reminders, you'll want to update your details xx", and leave it at that.

If you haven't got the sort of relationship where she wants to tell you, then you haven't. It may be that she hadn't got around to telling you. It may be that she'd rather stick pins in her eyes.

This way, she knows you know, she knows she needs to update her details, and she might have a think about whether she wants to include you.

Honestly, don't you think she will tell you if it turns out to be important?

People who are saying it's none if your business really confuse me.

You’re confused that someone wants to keep their GP appointments private? If the daughter actually wanted to discuss this with OP, she would have already surely? OP only knows about the appointment because she accidentally received the text, it’s not like her daughter intended for her to know.

The daughter hasn’t done anything wrong, she’s just booked an appointment - she doesn’t owe OP an explanation. What if her daughter doesn’t want to elaborate beyond “yes, I’m okay” - your “doors to communication” are pointless if she doesn’t feel comfortable speaking about it with you.

If the 17 year old wanted to discuss it with her mother she would have already done that presumably. It doesn't sound like they have a difficult or secretive relationship but its natural as people grow up that they want some privacy - whether about their medical issues or anything else.
Whether its something supersecret like an unplanned pregnancy or just something a bit embarrassing to a teen that she would rather not discuss like thrust is irrelevant.

@TVdinners I think it's to do with the fact that you have bodily autonomy at a fairly young age and can consent to medical treatment on your own from about 12+ in some cases.
Education is different in that generally with schools parents are considered at least partially responsible (financially, housing etc etc). That said, before 16 you can be taken to court or fined if your child doesn't attend, after that you will not be taken to court but they can be asked to leave.

But even in schools at age 16+ they can give their own consent to go on excursions (though parental consent is requested, its not essential). Which is fine for a day trip, but if it costs money generally the parent will have to pay so the child will need their agreement (and money!)
Again the education stuff is Scotland so England might be different - but up here its perfectly possible to have a Christmas birthday and leave school at 16 to go to university having completed your Highers in S5 while you are still 15. My child has a Christmas birthday, though she chose to do 6th year, but will still only be 17 when she goes to university after summer.

*thrush, not thrust!

what pp said on page 1 i think is prfect response.
bause even though it is rightly her own business if she wants it to be.the is nothing wrong with being thre for her.and this is the perfect opt for that to happen.
because she could eqaully be sat all on her own with something not knownig who to turn to or how to bring it to you.
i cant count the amount of times ive wished mum coould read my mind or someone would say something to me so that it opens up that conversation ive needed to have or they could read my mind and know what i need to say to them.and often my mum does haha so she says it first so i dont have to have the fear/strength to do so!
because yes she could eqaully say "no its fine" and then you back off.
or even "yeh iv got really bad verruca"

you should not mention it at all to your daughter.
respect her privacy.
you could contact the surgery and say the text was sent to you as out of date contact and could they check contact details with her when she attends, but please not to mention text was sent to you.

I think you should respect her privacy (and call the GP to ask them to take your number off her record). If she wants to discuss it she can but she certainly doesn't have to.

At that age I was making my own GP appointments and did not discuss with my parents, it wasn't sex related but I was just really private and didn't want them to know as it felt they always made a fuss about everything.

Why would OP’s DD be mortified if she found out it was about contraception.
I don’t understand all this secret sex malarkey we put into teenagers heads. I was lucky enough that my mum spoke openly to me about sex and contraception and it gave me the confidence to speak to her when I needed to, I went to my mum when I had my first ‘serious’ relationship at 15 and asked her to help me arrange an appointment to talk about BC. I am still very open with my mum and we have a fantastic and close relationship.

I don’t think anyone should be made to feel ashamed of what they do with their bodies, especially if it’s your own children you should be on hand to help them when they might need it, not make them feel like they need to run in the opposite direction from fear of a slap on the wrist.

Sex is perfectly natural, she’s of age and if she’s made an appointment to talk about contraception then she’s also sensible, thanks to OP having an earlier conversation.

Other than to tell her to get her own number put on her record when she goes till her appointment, there’s nothing for you to bring up is there? It’s her medical appointment and, presumably, she’s competent to take her own decisions.

Mortified maybe was to strong- but wherever he reason is for going, if she had wanted to share it, she would have. She hasn't, so asking seems daft to me. Hence, just tell her to change the contact number, as opposed to trying to find out why she's going

I would mention it to DD, but go at it from an angle of making her aware that you are receiving messages about her appointments, so for her own privacy , she should sort out with the GP receptionist a way to update the system so that from now on messages go to her number.. your daughter will appreciate that you are respecting her need of privacy.

I also like others suggestions to ask her if everything is okay.

You say nothing

For god’s sake, GP’s surgeries aren’t psychic. Texts are sent automatically to the number the computer holds for the patient. If the OP’s daughter hasn’t updated her details at the surgery and changed the mobile number on file to her own, then texts will go to her mother’s number. It’s not a breach of confidentiality. After a similar thing happened when my daughter’s GP phoned me and assumed I was my daughter, I do think though that surgeries should send the reminder to the parent to update the number, rather than the teenager who probably didn’t even read it.

I would bring it up, if only to let her know I get the texts so she could amend her doctors records.

At that point I would also check she was okay and reassure her I was there if she needed me for any reason.

Whilst 17y are growing up most are not independent adults with fully matured brains etc. Often they still need help and support and as parents it's own job to provide that and ensure they're aware we are there for them.

And I'd suspect it was just a review for the pill. 17y takes it - has done for a while due to period issues - and has to return every so often for a review and blood pressure checks, etc.

Our surgery won't allow us to use the online systems for children on the grounds of the transition when they hit 16 - presumably to avoid exactly this. (Fortunately they seem happy for me to book myself an appointment online, then ring up later and tell them it's actually for my child.)

Agree with the approach of "I had a text reminder, hope everything's okay, do get the surgery to change the number to yours". You shouldn't have had the message, so put no pressure on her to tell you what it's about. Or even just contact the surgery yourself to tell them they have the wrong number, and don't mention it at all to DD.

The problem if you go the route of telling her that you had a text is that she might not feel her privacy is respected at the Dr and not go. You don't know what the appointment is about but it could be something she needs to go to.

Maybe ask her after the appointment as she will have already been and you can still show concern.

Similar happened with my DD when I was on holiday - nobody had thought to make sure surgery changed the contact number. I messaged her saying assumed it was her appt and she should change the contact while she was there. Her business not mine but she was quite upfront about it bc it was funny. Suggest you do as others said and say you've had the text, she may want to change the contact number. It's not your business.

You need to let her know you received the text so she can ensure her details are correct on the system. You don't need to ask is she's OK or enquire about the nature of the appointment, she'll tell you if she wants to.

We've had similar issues with receiving letters, phone calls and texts regarding out 20 year old son who doesn't live with us anymore, and where medical staff obviously can't give out information to us to pass on by phone. Turned out we are caught between two different health authorities so while he had changed his information with the GP the hospital falls under a different authority so still had the old details. Anytime the specialist he has been seeing tried to contact him it was our details coming up.

Aged 16 plus they have to fill in a form giving permission for parents to have any knowledge of their appointment... After 16 they shouldn't be contacting you

They should not be contacting you - your poor DD!