How to deal with the CF who has been eating my granola

[JoyceTempleSavage]

Have recently moved into a larger office with about 50 new colleagues.

I have a tub of granola which I filled up last week and it’s now nearly empty. I’ve had it on my yoghurt maybe four times and it’s kept in the cereal cupboard inbetween times in its own special tub.

WIBU to top it up with 90% granola 10% used cat litter and keep my own granola in my locker instead?

I bet the stomach-pumped PA just thought the note saying the lunch was medicated was a bluff to put off thieves 🤣

Scotch bonnet crushed against the Diet Coke rim is evil genius.

Oko Cats Best litter looks quite food like and is non-toxic, I think, so you wouldn't actually kill them.

Fast acting Laxatives. Then you'll know who the culprit is!

Cats Best litter looks quite food like and is non-toxic, I think, so you wouldn't actually kill them

GBH rather than manslaughter then. If it goes down well with the cat’s arse it could be a goer.

Those saying could it be a genuine mistake, I respect your optimism but I should clarify that the cupboard is communal but the foodstuffs therein all belong to individuals. There’s no mistaking my tub.

Years ago my friend had a problem with someone stealing food in her office so she made some chocolate brownies laced with Ex-Lax and left them in the staff kitchen. The suspect set off later that day for an important meeting (20 minute drive on the motorway) but had to abandon the journey after ten minutes as he sharted in the car 😅 He blamed a dodgy takeaway the night before apparently

It really needs to look like Granola, so cat kibble wouldn't work. Agree about Cats best litter, or Greenwoods which is similar but more crunchy, but too much would be a giveaway. Birdseed, the not mess type, dried chilli, garlic powder and a LOT of sweetener, the stuff that causes gut wrenching runs with the Cats Best and a few raisins to make it look authentic.

Cats best is also really good cat litter, by the way.

With Scotch Bonnet crushed on the can, you can still drink it with a straw.....

With Scotch Bonnet crushed on the can, you can still drink it with a straw.....

If you know it's there and you have brought straws with you. In which case, the thief didn't.

Like all these suggestions but as its granola would they know the difference anyway, it usually looks and tastes like floor sweepings anyway.

Cats best is also really good cat litter, by the way.

Not as good as it used to be though but I was still buying it as it is better than everything else I tried, except Greenwoods (also from Zooplus).

Back to the granola...

Chilli powder and flakes..... lots of the stuff!!!

@balonzz that’s the bit I don’t get. You confront the thief stealing YOUR food/drink and you are made out to be the bad guy? Fucking bonkers!

Oh god please do. For added authenticity add in a handful of raisins to the granola to make it look more like swiss muesli

Add a few teaspoons of salt to a portion of granola. It will look and smell fine but taste grim.

I think you might be better off choosing a food product, they may lace cat litter with other chemicals. chillies, sugar puffs, even porridge oats in cold milk will taste like cardboard. Be a bit more imaginative. I once cut a slot low down on a milk carton disguised by the pattern and cutting, so that the thief would make a horrible mess. You could cut lots of paper saying petty thief that emerged from the packet.

One more thing to add to the mix, some powdered colour stirred in, and look at everyone's lips after they have been near the 'granola' mix.

Agree with pp. Quarter of a box of gronala and then add a good helping of hot chilli powder or some such that would not be easily recognised or smelled when stealing pouring out the granola.

I'm not sure if you could be arrested for murder or GBH when the 'victim' has stolen what was meant to be your lunch.

Standard granola, but run a bucketload of chilli flakes through it.

You'll soon find out who it is.

Cut up lots of pieces of paper with the word thief and stick it in some cheap muesli.

Someone in work used to nick my spread so after I'd used it I would carve "fuck off" in it. When I found out who the culprit was I carved "fuck off Sandra" in it. It soon stopped. (Name changed to avoid the culprit being embarrassed 20 years later).

*There was a lunch thief at my old office but they got a lesson from me (not on purpose).

I have a neurological disease and you have to try out lots of meds before you find one that’s the best for you.
I was on a med that was fat soluble and had to be taken at lunch time.

So I made myself a homemade guacamole and bacon sandwich laced with my meds, clearly marked Tupperware box with “Heidi’s medicated lunch, don’t eat!” also wrote “meds” in sharpie on the box.

Lunchtime came, box is empty. I go through bin, boss sees me do this and asks why. He refuses to believe food stealing happens and thinks I’m overreacting.
Until his PA is taken violently ill by vomiting guacamole and bacon over his desk...
I call her an ambulance because of the meds and her stomach is pumped.

She never returned, maybe she was sacked, maybe embarrassed or maybe dead (well, hopefully not dead but she did steal my sandwich)*

This. This story right here makes me do such a big happy sigh and might just be the best thing I read all day (it's 11am here...) 😁

Cat litter might be a bit drastic; as PP's warn there might be added chemicals, but I can assure you that dried guinea pig food will do no harm.
When I was still living at home, I bought some food for the piggies, and the paper bag split, so I decanted it into a glass canister, and left it in the kitchen.
Muesli was a relatively new thing in those days; I got home from work to find my DF, having got the munchies, had opted for a bowl of cereal to bridge the gap until the evening meal. He remarked, as I came in, "You know Twosheds, I really don't know what you see in this muesli stuff!"
He was duly apologetic, both to me and the guinea pigs, and it was a waste of milk, but he suffered no harm!
If you were to spice up the mix with hot foods which are nevertheless foodstuffs, like chili seeds, however.....

Ooh, that is inspired Shitley