Friend being too full on with baby

[Ohlookitsbackfatbetty]

So I'm a first time mum so please don't be too harsh if I'm being precious!

I have a good friend I see probably once or twice a fortnight. She currently works as a healthcare in maternity recovery (I think basically helping mums who have had c sections etc when they come out of theatre). Because of this she comes across as being very knowing of babies etc but I find her a bit too over confident with my daughter and I'm not sure how to deal with that? Maybe I'm being a worrier!

When I first had dd she would come over and give me a lot of advice (some which completely contradicted what my midwife said), she was a bit over bearing but I bit my tongue as I know she means well. She also used to pick dd up when she was sleeping etc so I had to ask her not to. Now dd is 8 months old and is happy sitting on the floor playing with her toys or whatever, but my friend will always come straight in and pick her up. I find that annoying but I could ignore it however I find my friend to be a bit over confident when she is holding dd too. She's been over for tea tonight and these are my examples so please tell me if I'm being an ott mother !

• dd was sat playing in her highchair with her food (we do baby led weaning basically dd throws food around and maybe some of it makes it to her mouth!). Friend was sat at the table next to dd and I got up to make us both a drink, when I turned round friend had got dd out of her highchair saying she had finished her tea and was making a mess so no more tea for her ? She definitely hadn't and I wanted her to try and have a bit more, mess is part of the course for babies eating! I didn't say anything at that point because it was already done so what was the point!

• later we were sitting and dd was on friends knee (dd had been crawling round the floor but friend picked her up) she then started tipping her upside down to make her laugh. I said oo don't do that she's just had tea so she will be sick. Friend said 'don't worry she won't' and kept doing it ? I feel like if I ask her not to do something with my child she shouldn't? I was so worried she'd drop her on her head because she really didn't seem to be holding her very well and dd is like a wriggly worm! I took her back at that point pretending she needed a bum change.

• dd was then sat right on the edge of friends knee holding friends fingers for support. I said please be careful as dd has a habit of launching herself off of people, friend laughed and said 'ohhh mummy is being silly I've got you!'. Two minutes later dd launched herself off friend and luckily my friend managed to sort of twist so she landed on the sofa. She could have easily have landed flat on her face on the floor though. At this point I picked up dd and held onto her for the rest of the visit.

I feel like I'm letting things annoy me more than they should as she has made a few comments about dd birth and how she wouldn't do things we chose (epidural, forceps etc). I feel a lot of guilt about dd birth (wrongly I know!) and her comments don't help. I know I'm going to have to have an awkward conversation with my friend. She just thinks she knows best because of her job but I'm with dd all the time and I'm her mum! Am I being completely precious? Dd is teething atm so I'm getting very little sleep and I just feel out of my mind 🤦🏻‍♀️

You need to stop her coming over or man up.

When she does something you don’t like, if she stops her eating - it’s just “no we aren’t doing that”, you take your baby back and put her back in the high chair. She’s bouncing the baby after eating, “stop it”, take your baby back and put her on the floor. She’s about to drop her “you’re about to drop her” take baby back.

It’s about ownership. She is an old friend, she probably wants some ownership of the baby as an almost aunt or as baby’s favourite. You’re a first time mum trying not to come over as panicky ot worrying, but I promise you that a firm no instead of blustering around fretting that she’ll drop her will make you look less panicky and shit her shit right down at the same time.

She basically said she wouldn't have a forcep birth because she saw one once and it was brutal

haha - I love it when people with zero experience pontificate to women about their children/childbirth.

Spend less time with her, practice ignoring her, she is an idiot.

Well, this woman sounds like a nightmare.

Tbh, I personally think with a baby, you should be wait to be offered a hold by the mother, you shouldn't just go and pick them up out of their high chair / crib / wherever.

And then when the baby / child is old enough to be mobile, you wait for them to come to you if you're a guest, rather than getting them on your knee and making them stay there.

If someone told me to do something or not do something with their child, I would obey.

Even if it's OTT (which I don't think you are, by the way) to worry about what's happening, you just respect the wishes of the mother, because why give her more stress than she needs?

"And then when the baby / child is old enough to be mobile, you wait for them to come to you if you're a guest, rather than getting them on your knee and making them stay there."

Kids normally hate people who fuss over them and insist they come and sit on their knee and stuff anyway. The more you ignore them, the more desperate they are for your attention. Like cats.

Are you sure she isn't an IL? Seriously she sounds like the IL for Hell!

Take everything she says with a bucket of salt. I'd go down the road of only meeting for coffee without DD.

Which gives you some adult time, and keeps her away from DD.

No way would she hold my DC again of she held one upside down.
My aunt dropped my cousin (her sisters child) in similar circumstances and the baby suffered a spinal injury.

not precious at all, she's just showing off how 'knowledgable' she is. If it stresses you no more meet ups with her when the baby is there unless she can rein herself in.

Sorry guys I've had a KIT day today so I've just sat and read all these :) thank you all so much for reassuring me that I'm not being OTT!

And @imastickman I certainly won't be bumming anyone 😂😂😂

I spoke to a friend at work today (who knows my overbearing friend) and she said she thinks she has always been like this with me but that I've always been quite laid back and she thought I was just ignoring her 😂🤦🏻‍♀️ Clearly I've been a bit of a doormat for years! No more though! I'm going to start saying stuff back to her when I do see her and I won't let her comment on my birth etc any more.