Ok, so some background: I have a partner and a baby (under one). I have a friend who is getting married this year (no children). We've known each other for a few years and have never been super close but have seen each other on and off.
So first, she invited me to her hen. It's three nights, abroad - a long flight, not just a Eurostar to Paris kind of situation where those who couldn't make all three nights could just do one or even go for a day at a push. Honestly I just didn't feel able to spend that long away from DC (would still be under one then, and I haven't left for anything like that long before). I explained, apologised, and said I'd like to take her out for a nice afternoon tea to make it up. She replied that she understood and no worries and that would be nice.
Then the wedding invitation arrived. Turns out it is taking place quite a distance away from where we both live - 5hr+ drive. It's also a child-free wedding which friend called me to reiterate and said she knows this means some people won't be able to come but so be it. Due to reasons I won't go into (but nothing ominous!) neither my parents nor PIL can have DC that weekend. Neither me or DH have siblings or other options of people to look after DC. Other thing I should add is that DH is away on business a lot and so we can't be sure that he would be around to look after the baby even if I said I'd go on my own (friend knows this).
So I ended up writing a card and declined, really apologising profusely and politely explaining the difficult situation re childcare and offering to chat more on the phone or in person etc. Friend then called me selfish, said that it's her time and that I should be more respectful of that. She said I was making it all about me (honestly didn't think I was, surely you have to say, politely, why you can't attend something?). Then she told me the friendship was over.
Now I completely understand that she is disappointed - I honestly do - but I also think if you plan a wedding hours away from where you all live and make it child free (when a lot of friends have kids) then not everyone will be able to go. She also said herself that she knew this might happen!
I'd also add that since I had DC she's only been in touch once, despite me inviting her over, out etc several times. The only other contact has been about the hen and wedding.
So: have I been really unreasonable in declining the hen and wedding and the way I behaved in doing so etc?