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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t rsvp to children’s parties!!

96 replies

Amyarmadillo1990 · 16/01/2020 01:09

I’m feeling so frustrated! It’s my sons party soon, we’ve hired a play area and invited his whole class so 30 children. I’ve still not heard back from so many parents about whether or not their child can attend! I asked one mum as I bumped into her and she said her son couldn’t go (and instead of letting me know she had just ignored the invite) then I saw another mum and she said they were coming (although she didn’t let me know prior to this!) my son is new-ish to the school so I don’t know many parents to ask face to face. I’m stuck on what to do, do I pay for 30 children to use the play area, order food for 30 and sweet cones for 30 and just have leftovers/wasted money if people don’t show up, or do I assume the lack of rsvp means they won’t be attending so not pay for their place at the play area and not cater for them but then I’d feel so awkward if they turn up anyway? This is the first birthday party I’ve ever hosted so advice welcome please! I put my number on the invite and a date to rsvp by so I just don’t understand why so many haven’t got back to me :( I know everyone recieved the invites as the class teacher put them in book bags herself just under 2 weeks ago :(

OP posts:
katy1213 · 16/01/2020 01:24

So rude. I wouldn't do these whole-class parties for exactly this reason.
I'm guessing you don't have contact nos for all the parents, so how about another note in the schoolbags - reminding people of the party date, but RSVP by whenever or we assume you won't be attending and won't be admitted to the venue. Then have a guest list on the door. And next year a party for his real friends. (If you have a great day, and the CFs' kids miss out - they might even learn some manners!)

sleepingdragon · 16/01/2020 01:28

I agree with the PP, put notes in book bags for people who haven't replied. Friendly and polite but with a other date and 'if you dont reply by this date I will assume you aren't coming'. I had to do this at my DS party last year, and got lots of quick apologies and excuses as to why they hadn't responded. I hope your son has a lovely birthday.

NewtonPulsifer · 16/01/2020 01:39

This winds me up. There has never been so many easy ways to RSVP and yet it gets worse. I have had to send a second note to say Confirm your attendance by x date otherwise we shall assume you’re not coming and no place will be booked.
It happens to so many people, whether they are new to the class or not. I make a habit now of always replying the same day we get the invitation, if I don’t genuinely know if we can make it I still reply to say we hope to come but need to check with work and won’t know just yet but if I forget (likely as I’m not the most organised) please chase me up.
I feel for the children who are waiting to hear that their friends can make it or not, so make it a priority.

Original poster
Amyarmadillo1990 · 16/01/2020 02:52

Thank you everyone for the replies! Glad to know I’m not over reacting! I did get the teacher to put second invitations in the book bags 3 days ago saying a date to rsvp by etc and have STILL heard nothing so I guess I will just have to assume they aren’t coming! I don’t think I’ll be doing a whole class party from now on. I think it’s just plain RUDE to not let me know! Takes 2 seconds to type out a text to say really sorry but ‘fred’ won’t be coming as we have xyz happening that day!

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/01/2020 03:01

Yes, you get some parents defending this type of behaviour with excuses of being oh so busy, but it's is just plain rudeness in my book. If it was for work they would find the time.

Flopdoodle · 16/01/2020 03:01

Is there a school/year facebook? Its so common that people dont repky (i agree rude). You often see things on our facebook like 'im ordering food for x' s oarty tomorrow so please could anyone that is coming let me k iw so no-one is left out' etc. X

woooooo · 16/01/2020 04:22

My advice is to plan food, party bags etc for each child you've invited and received a reply from.

Then plan for some more - for the charming ones who don't reply and then turn up on the day.

And then plan for a few more - for the ones who don't reply, then turn up and also have extra brass neck to bring invited child's siblings along, all also dressed up in party clothes with the expectation that they can join in fully with the party.

I've had the pleasure of experiencing this at my youngest 2 DC's parties 😡

Ironically, it never happened at my eldest DC's parties (well over 20 years ago), when no-one had mobiles, email, social media (that take 1 minute to reply on) and people actually took the time to fill in and return the RSVP on invitations.

Waterchestnut · 16/01/2020 04:27

I would follow up as much as I could. Chase up phone numbers from other parents and contact them personally.

Then I would just confirm the numbers of the children who have sent an rsvp.

In future write in the invitations: Please let me know if A is coming or not coming by the 1/1. I need to pay and confirm the numbers by that date.

TreeTopTim · 16/01/2020 05:08

I would only cater for those who confirmed their attendance. No way would I pay for 30 kids when only say 10 have replied. If they turned up on the day I would just say sorry but you assumed that they weren't coming.

calmama · 16/01/2020 05:14

It’s the height of rudeness and this has happened three years in a row for us, though it’s not a massive deal as we just had the party at home. No idea why people don’t reply. It’s one of those weirdnesses I will never understand.

AlrightyyThen · 16/01/2020 05:28

YANBU for parents who are attending, they should definitely let you know.

YABU(ish) for those who don’t want to attend. I would expect someone to assume my lack of reply by the noted deadline means my child isn’t coming.

I have severe anxiety and there’s no way I can contact (by text or call) another parent.

WhatILoved · 16/01/2020 05:33

Agree it's rude. I'm quite to the point on the invites now and put a deadline for rsvping and say something like I need to confirm numbers for that day.

Don't get me started on the folk that arrive 1 he late to a 1 he 45 min party once the food order has already gone in Confused

Ishotmrburns · 16/01/2020 05:42

Extremely rude. I would assume anyone who hasn't RSVPed isn't coming and cater accordingly. Maybe ask for a handful of extras just in case.

Justanothernameonthepage · 16/01/2020 05:52

Our local play area allows for a certain number to be paid for on the day so I normally pay for those who have confirmed and then pay for any who turn up without RSVP. I also make a couple of extra goodie bags. Might be worth talking with the play place to see if they allow a little leeway.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 16/01/2020 06:17

Just cater for those who have replied.

We didn’t bother issuing invites again to those that didn’t reply. Saves so much trouble in future.

PumpkinPie2016 · 16/01/2020 06:28

YANBU- it's plain rude!

I have done two whole class parties and about a third of the class never bothered to reply. I just didn't book places for them - if they had arrived it would have been their own fault!

Next time, I'm just inviting his closest friends to do something.

People who don't reply will eventually find their children are not invited.

YouJustDoYou · 16/01/2020 06:32

This is why unless I know the parents I won't ever plan a party where price is dependant on numbers.

OlaEliza · 16/01/2020 06:34

I would have a spreadsheet with names of all invited and whether they rsvp'd and what the response was.

Anyone that didn't reply or originally said they weren't coming would be turned away at the door.

I've got no time for rude fuckers that hang out for a better offer or are just too rude to reply.

Spermysextowel · 16/01/2020 06:35

I just catered for those who had replied, and then 6 more who hadn’t bothered turned up. Not too bad as the venue could easily cook more nuggets, but we never invited the non-repliers again.

HelloDulling · 16/01/2020 06:38

Is there a class WhatsApp group or round robin email?

MsTSwift · 16/01/2020 06:39

Problem alleviated when you only invite your child’s actual friends and you have built up a relationship with the parents yourselves.

Mass class parties for randoms most of whose kids don’t know yours from Adam leads to this. Not excusing it it’s crap behaviour but that’s why.

npowerarebastards · 16/01/2020 06:40

This is outing but I had a great one where I'm they rsvp'd an hour before the party started to say they were coming. Soft play so when I got there I asked if I could add another child, paid £12 for their meal and sweet bag. Then child didn't turn up and an hour after the party started I had a text saying they weren't coming as they'd behaved badly. Wtf!!!

OlaEliza · 16/01/2020 06:44

@AlrightyyThen

YANBU for parents who are attending, they should definitely let you know.

YABU(ish) for those who don’t want to attend. I would expect someone to assume my lack of reply by the noted deadline means my child isn’t coming.

What do you think rsvp means?

I have severe anxiety and there’s no way I can contact (by text or call) another parent

That's no excuse. Get someone else known to you to send a text for you. Jfc.

BatleyTownswomensGuild · 16/01/2020 06:44

Doing DS's party this weekend (soft play hell) and have 2 who have not responded. Really pisses me off. Lots of venues charge per head and not rsvp-Ing is the absolute height of rudeness... YANBU OP

LMW1990 · 16/01/2020 06:50

Currently having the same issue for DSD. She's only invited 4 friends and so far only 1 has replied. I don't do school run usually to ask the parents. A quick text either way would be nice.

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