People who don’t rsvp to children’s parties!!

[Amyarmadillo1990]

I’m feeling so frustrated! It’s my sons party soon, we’ve hired a play area and invited his whole class so 30 children. I’ve still not heard back from so many parents about whether or not their child can attend! I asked one mum as I bumped into her and she said her son couldn’t go (and instead of letting me know she had just ignored the invite) then I saw another mum and she said they were coming (although she didn’t let me know prior to this!) my son is new-ish to the school so I don’t know many parents to ask face to face. I’m stuck on what to do, do I pay for 30 children to use the play area, order food for 30 and sweet cones for 30 and just have leftovers/wasted money if people don’t show up, or do I assume the lack of rsvp means they won’t be attending so not pay for their place at the play area and not cater for them but then I’d feel so awkward if they turn up anyway? This is the first birthday party I’ve ever hosted so advice welcome please! I put my number on the invite and a date to rsvp by so I just don’t understand why so many haven’t got back to me :( I know everyone recieved the invites as the class teacher put them in book bags herself just under 2 weeks ago :(

I have replied to a couple of invitations slowly/not immediately, although I did reply in the end. I couldn’t get too cross about this and it surprised me how many responses you’ve had saying it’s ‘extremely rude’. Life is busy and all these little jobs add up, I’d be more understanding and just send a polite reminder or go and introduce yourself and ask parents in the morning at school - if you’ve invited the whole class it should be easy enough to just go and remind people. In my case I had the invites and just needed to get round to checking if we we are available, what the content of the party was and if therefore the baby can come with me or not, and therefore if it needs to be a day when I’ve got someone else to help, so it’s not always as straightforward as a quick text. Someone mentioned you’d find time if it was for work - yes, as that is compulsory to pay the bills so has to come higher on the list of priorities. I’m not ‘defending’ not replying at all but I can understand slow replies and don’t think it’s worth getting angry about.

YANBU I am going through this at the moment. Waiting for a handful of replies to a party. I have chased and still had no response. I find it so rude. It literally takes 30 secs to send a text to say yes or no. Do these people not realise it's not so easy to prepare party bags etc.... how big the cake needs to be if you have no idea of numbers?

Alrighty in what way does your anxiety prevent you from sending a text?

It is the height of rudeness not to reply to an invitation. I assume that your child never goes to any parties because of your anxiety. What steps are you taking to deal with it?

Why do 8% of those who voted think it is OK to be so rude?

You need to put a deadline on the invitation. RSVP any Friday 17 January. If you have a class what’sapp group then post a reminder that the venue need to know the final numbers.

I have the same now, although about 20 have replied. I was saying last night that I would never just not respond to an invite!

I’m assuming those who haven’t replied can’t come.

Thanks everyone! Next year I will definitely be just having a smaller party where I invite his actual friends who I know the parents personally. On this occasion I’m just going to assume the ones who haven’t replied aren’t coming (as they’ve had 2 Weeks to reply) but will cater for extra just incase they do actually turn up! Lesson learnt I guess!

That's no excuse. Get someone else known to you to send a text for you. Jfc.
I don’t have people willing to send texts for me I can’t imagine many people do

Ginfordinner
I can’t attend a strangers child’s party. If it lands on a day DC is at their dad’s then he will take them (if he feels like it) and I leave the RSVP/invitation with him. But he wouldn’t come help on any of “my days” so yes they would miss the party.

I have severe anxiety and autism, communication with people is so difficult. On here it’s a bit easier because it almost doesn’t feel real?

I would freeze up completely trying to message a stranger and meltdown trying to word a reply correctly. My brain goes through a million different possible outcomes and I get increasingly distressed thinking about it all

This thread is the first time in 30 years anyone’s ever suggested to me that it’s rude to ignore a party invite I never went to any parties as a child so it’s stuff I’m learning as I go.

I bet there’s a lot of parents uncomfortable texting/calling a stranger, the parent of a child they don’t even know (for the whole class parties)

Sorry for railroading the thread a little bit there OP didn’t mean my explanation to witter on, I was just trying to say there could be some valid reasons for people not responding

And also I’m sure there’s just some rude or ignorant people as I’ve now learned

Hope your DC really enjoys the party

@alrightyyThen

It is rude to ignore an invite. I’m sorry you have social anxiety but you should work on being able to send a ‘thank you, Johnny will/will not be able to attend x’s party’.

Struggle to believe there are adults that don’t realise it’s rude not to reply to an invitation?

People are like this. It's annoying. About 10 days before the party I form a WhatsApp group with the parents and say please let me know by X date if your child can come. We need to know for catering and party bags. It usually works.

Henhophouse
Knowing it’s such an issue I will start trying to work on a solution The invites always say “if you do not reply by ... we will assume you aren’t coming” and I took that to mean it was acceptable

MsTSwift
Yes a lot of conditions/disorders/MH issues can mean that social cues are a total miss. I don’t realise a lot of things are rude. I think there will be a lot of adults that grew up in an environment that didn’t teach manners as well.

I've found that if there's a choice they have to make in the invitation, say ham sandwich or cheese sandwich, or burger or hot-dog, they text with a yes and a choice. The ones who aren't coming still don't reply but you get a definite idea of who is. Might help for next year Parties are a bloody nightmare though.

It takes no time to send a text. DD is having a party soon and I set up a WhatsApp group to the parents. All but 1 replied within 24 hours. The 1 is still to reply and I have asked they let me know by tomorrow as we need to confirm numbers for an activity. It is always the same with her parent!

Really rude and as said before @AlrightyyThen ask someone else to text. Your child will become extremely unpopular if you appear rude to people.

I agree with the only letting the ones in that have RSVPd but Rhodes kids are going to be so upset when they can't come in. I know it's their parents fault but what a shame for the child.

That sounds really hard and stressful, AlrightyyThen.
For next time: "Thanks for the party invite. Sadly, DC won't be able to come - AlrightyyThen" is completely fine.
Lots of people don't reply, particularly for class parties, but it does make planning really difficult, so it's polite to RSVP.

spongejack Unfortunately the likelihood is that I will always appear rude to some people. It is a bit of a downside to being neurodivergent (in my case and many others but not all obviously)

I don’t think it’s fair to say me struggling with social etiquette will effect DC’s popularity. If a parent said to their DC “don’t play with Alrighty”s DC because she doesn’t RSVP”... well that’s not great

CheerfulMuddler
Thank you so much for the script that’s really helpful!

I’m gonna leave the thread now because I feel like I’m taking over OP’s thread 😂 Thank you everyone for the information

@AlrightyyThen I'm not saying they will say don't play with them. But if a parent makes an effort and pays for a place at a party or outing and doesn't get a response, it appears rude and can be costly as others have said here. So if their child says can I invite @AlrightyyThen DD, they'll say no as they never respond so I don't know if they can come.

Do you respond if your child can attend the party?

I have severe anxiety and there’s no way I can contact (by text or call) another parent

Wtf? That is absurd. Write a note, give to your child and ask them to pass it via teacher. I assume you can hand a note to your own child

Some people are just CF to the point it's ridiculous. If an invitation says RSVP you RSVP.

Oh God this gets on my nerves!
We had the same for DC in October, we gave 2 months notice so plenty of time to reply to the RSVP, and only 2 parents did.
We recently got and invite to a party from one of the children who didn’t RSVP to us. I checked the calendar, realised we had something on and then text to decline the same day. I may have added a ‘I know how annoying it is when people don’t RSVP’ for good measure. I’m petty AF though.

I’m fairly new to mumsnet so can someone please let me know what a CF is 😂🙈

We have a class party to attend this weekend so will be really interesting to see if the ones who haven’t rsvp’d to my DS will be at this one and if they rsvp’d or just rocked up! 🙈

No excuse and height of rudeness.

I’m fairly new to mumsnet so can someone please let me know what a CF is 😂🙈

Cheeky Fucker