People who don’t rsvp to children’s parties!!

[Amyarmadillo1990]

I’m feeling so frustrated! It’s my sons party soon, we’ve hired a play area and invited his whole class so 30 children. I’ve still not heard back from so many parents about whether or not their child can attend! I asked one mum as I bumped into her and she said her son couldn’t go (and instead of letting me know she had just ignored the invite) then I saw another mum and she said they were coming (although she didn’t let me know prior to this!) my son is new-ish to the school so I don’t know many parents to ask face to face. I’m stuck on what to do, do I pay for 30 children to use the play area, order food for 30 and sweet cones for 30 and just have leftovers/wasted money if people don’t show up, or do I assume the lack of rsvp means they won’t be attending so not pay for their place at the play area and not cater for them but then I’d feel so awkward if they turn up anyway? This is the first birthday party I’ve ever hosted so advice welcome please! I put my number on the invite and a date to rsvp by so I just don’t understand why so many haven’t got back to me :( I know everyone recieved the invites as the class teacher put them in book bags herself just under 2 weeks ago :(

people are pointing out the consequences of not replying.
The reality is few will get stung more than once by
Parents declining but no rsvp
Turning up without rsvp
Cancelling last minute.

Whether that means they dont invite next time or have smaller parties.

These things are booked in advance at a cost of 10-20£ per child.
Often paying full balance in advance.
It is logical to assume the birthday child's parents will be unhappy with other parents costing them money when they never intended to go. (Obv some parents may think hosts wont be charged/will take a non rsvp as a no).

I almost think the phrase 'if he feels like it' is worse as it implies the Dad may just not take if he doesnt want to.

I found this odd when DD1 had her first parties. Then I managed to miss two party invitations for DD2 as I don't go through her nursery bag regularly, only if she's used her spare clothes. I wouldn't assume that all parents have seen pieces of paper in bags.

When you say it's soon, is that next week or a few weeks? Numbers won't need finalising with the play centre till the week before, many people don't rsvp until a week or 2 before the event. Or they genuinely forget.
Put a date on the invitation of when you would prefer the rsvp.
Don't follow up with notes in bags. Just sort a party for those who do reply.

Statistically, there is someone reading this thread that doesn't RSVP then does turn up with their child on the day expecting to be welcomed.

Please, please PLEASE explain your thought process on this one. Go ahead and name change, but I NEED to know what makes someone think this is ok. Bonus points if you also turn up with an excited sibling in tow!

Can I raise people who don't RVSP to a wedding?

Yanbu, rude!

I've they haven't RSVP'ed I'd just assume they weren't coming.l I wouldn't cater/book space for them. If the invitation isn't important enough to warrant a reply...

I agree. If they show up anyway, I’d easily tell them they didn’t rsvp and we’re completely booked. If they make a fuss, meh. Saying that, I doubt I’d throw a class party and opt for small gatherings of a handful of close friends. I’ve seen how class parties happen here in my area and I was not impressed by the lack of parents who couldn’t/wouldn’t control their children when it was obvious their kids were being disruptive. School run is bad enough, but another child’s birthday party, not worth the stress.

To anyone who's not done whole class parties - is this endemic to smaller gatherings too?

Whole class parties weren't a thing when I was growing up (in fact, the choice was party for 6 at home, or a day out plus the one extra friend we could fit in the car). They seem to cause no end of grief.

Like being on the internet, it's easier to be rude to someone who's just a piece of paper in a bookbag...

(plus I can't comprehend attending up to 20-30 class parties a year, which is what the reality would be if everyone were having them!)

For 10 years I've had this ds bday is the 8th of January so most people forget or do not
Look on book bags.

So send out reminders and get numbers to text.
It's your job to get on it. Otherwise some won't come and others will just turn up.
Also give a date to get in touch by.

thecatsthecats
My kids all had class parties and smaller parties over the years. To be fair, I seem very lucky nearly all parents have replied.
In many cases, parents don't know if it's a class party or not anyway.

plus I can't comprehend attending up to 20-30 class parties a year
Kids love it, nothing wrong with that. Mine have been invited to so many activities they wouldn't necessarily have done otherwise from reception, I think it's nice.

That's one reason we tend to have 2 or 3 class parties in Primary School, it's a great way to invite back everyone who invited you. It helps that the classes stay the same from reception.

We've done just about every variety of party over the years. DS had a couple of class parties and I can't remember whether everyone replied or not, but they were the type where you book a hall and the kids run round so a few extra or a few less made no difference. We've done smaller parties too - anything from 20 down to about 4 or 5. But in those cases you know the kids you're inviting and can follow up with any parents who haven't replied after a week or two if you need to know numbers. No big stress.

Thankfully, they are both teens now so kiddie birthday parties are a thing of the past. It's all days out for the oldest and shopping/lunch/sleepovers for the youngest.

Assume they aren't coming, but if you have a class whatsapp or Facebook page I would do a post saying "this is who I have coming to the party if there's anyone else do let me know ASAP as I have to confirm numbers".

Is bloody rude. Most of my son's friends I know the parents however one of his besties' mum won't speak to me. She has completely ignored the invite three years in a row, the first year i approached her and asked if her daughter was coming, she said she'd get back to me but she never did. Son is adamant that the child should be invited and can't understand why she never comes.

When I don't invite all the class I then get texts from people demanding to know why their kid is not invited.
Is a bloody nightmare!

We have someone who every year rvsps thst they are coming, yet never comes. People are weird.

Yanbu but somehow need to follow up with parents. Get a friend to text for you.

@readingismycardio I had a couple of people who never rsvp’d to my wedding and then showed up.. They weren’t catered for in the table plan etc. Although the worst bit was this girl from my husbands work just showed up uninvited!! And then didn’t say a word to either of us at all 🤦‍♀️🙄

Thank you everyone for your replies and advice! I’ve chased up as many as I can, there’s now only 3 that I haven’t heard back from which isn’t too bad so will assume they aren’t coming! I’ve spoken to a couple of other parents who have hosted parties and they let me know that one parent has never replied to any invites so for whatever reason she just chooses to ignore the invites and not show up 🤷‍♀️ If an extra 2-3 people do show up I’ve catered for extra just incase so it’s not the end of the world!

YANBU - this is age old and it blows my mind. All parents are in the same situation with young kids, at some point in time, most are going to throw a party of some sorts, so everyone in same boat. People KNOW how annoying it is when you don't know for sure how many you're catering for.....so WHY OH WHY do SO MANY parents not reply? Or say yes and not show? Or not reply and then turn up??
You'd think parents would all empathise & understand and back fellow parents on this one, make sure they reply and stick to their reply.....but no, they don't. It's crazy & it never changes.

Extremely rude, honestly it's so easy to send a text . I always try to reply on the day so I don't forget .
Check the play areas policy , can you tag a few more on the day? I would do a few spare party bags just in case, but I think as you've sent a reminder it's probably safe to assume those that havent replied aren't coming.
For my DC parties I've had no shows from people who said yes and also people turn up who hadnt replied , it's a minefield! Had people say they can't come because it's the dad's weekend to have them and he won't/ can't take them or we are not sure what we are doing yet both of which really annoy me !

Had people say they can't come because it's the dad's weekend to have them and he won't/ can't take them ... which really annoy me !

Why the fuck would you be annoyed with some poor mother who's already having to deal with the daily/weekly fuckwittery of a crap and flaky ex who probably pulls this sort of shit especially to upset her? Perhaps compassion would be a better emotion to learn to develop.

There’s no excuse. I don’t want to hear ‘we are sooo busy’ as an excuse for not responding. No one is that busy get a grip.

Basically people can’t be arsed to check the calendar and see that no, little Jimmy has jujutsu at that time on a Saturday so he can’t make it. They just ignore it. Or those who just are ‘sooo busy’ with their mummy friends that they wait and see whether in fact Alpha Mum invites Jimmy over for organic sugar free cake and a play date and then the party is dropped for the better offer.

@SheChoseDown the party is in a weeks time, the play area wanted final numbers ten days before though! I’ve just assumed the 4 that I haven’t heard from won’t be coming 🤷‍♀️ X

Omg I remember as a kid maybe year 3 a girl moved in down my street, she was super sweet and we played together all holidays. Turns out her mum and the mum of a girl from my class were friends. So I invited her to my whole class party, at my house with an entertainer and all that jazz. The girl from my class was going to be dropped at neighbour girls house and neighbour girls mum would bring them over. Except they never showed up. I was gutted and spent an hour of the party back and forth to the window to see if they were coming. Turns out neighbour girls mum had taken them out on a long walk and they’d been having ‘such fun’ she hadn’t bothered to bring them back. She assumed ‘no one would mind’. The girl from my class’s mum was livid ! My mum still says that neighbour girls mum had a weird thing about her daughter making any new friends.

I'm still waiting for 9 answers for a party tomorrow. Thankfully we've just booked a hall and kids are playing games but its so annoying. I've had to plan party bags for all just in case and we've planned around all twenty eight kids but honestly how long does it take to let me know? And don't get me started on the extra bodies I've been informed are attending 🙄