To want to Eat dinner as a family

[kmini]

Would like us to sit down and eat dinner together. Probably not every night (the kids are not going to appreciate the expensive meals or the spicey ones!) - but most nights.

Main reason that prompted me was DS (5) and DD (2) are both picky eaters in their own ways, so I'm hopeful it would encourage better eating habits seeing us eat dinner . As a side benefit, it really something that I always intended to be part of family life but I suppose I've just continued our baby/toddler routine and never really committed to it before.

Anyway - after a week of dinners between 6.15 and 6.45 with the kids rather than our usual 8 PM - DH says tonight that he's really not hungry at this time and would prefer not to eat till later.

He says he's happy to sit at the table and agrees about what I'm trying to achieve with family meal time and improving their pickiness - he just wants to actually eat his meal later.

I feel like this really defeats the purpose. AIBU?

His reasons are:

• he's not hungry
• he's too busy with work at the moment to ensure that he eats at a time that means he's hungry at 6.15
• it makes him snack around 9 pm
• he doesn't think he needs to eat with the kids to create a family meal or change their eating behaviours

Can i get your opinions?

We had this problem when my DC were little and needed to have eaten before DH got in from work. Our solution was to all sit together for breakfast (DC had breakfast before getting dressed) and then all eating together at the weekend. It did mean having to get up slightly earlier but it worked for us.

I have kids the same age, and tbh find the whole thing massively overrated. I get in from work at 6, and I have a constant feeling of failure over my inability to magically put a dinner everyone will like on the table by 6.30.

The kids are ready for it earlier than I can cook it, one of them will hate it and DH will think it's bland.

I look fondly back on a childhood where kids could eat crispy pancakes off their knees in front of the telly.

We finish work at 4.30
Short commute
That way we both have time with the DC ,eat at 6 and then do some more work when they are in bed

My feeling on this is that there's no right or wrong. You've got to find a way that works for everyone in the family.

In our family we're simply not home from work in time to eat together in the week and the children are bathed and in bed by 7.30. It's just not practical. DP and I eat together after the children are in bed. Friday night we usually cook something special, light the candles and catch up on the week and focus on each other.

We usually eat lunch all together at the weekend and sometimes DP and I will eat an early dinner with them too if we have a roast or do pizza making or something like that.

We're a very close happy family. Our children have good table manners. One is a super good eater, one not so much.

Make of all that what you will!

If he’s happy to sit at the table with the rest of the family I really can’t see a problem. He’s not refusing to sit there and chat, he’s just not ready for his main meal at 6pm.
We never eat that early either.

When we are at work, DS has to be at childcare by 8am so up by 7am. (He is
early riser as is typical of young kids so this is no issue). He needs to be in bed by 7pm and is shattered by 6.30pm, so would never last until then for dinner! He eats at 5pm like every other young child I know. I eat with him prob 3-4 nights a week, we have a roast on Sunday & all eat together. DH isn't even home til 7.30pm (he does morning drop off so i can go to work early and finish early).

On MN there are always loads of people saying they are both home in time to have dinner as a family at 6pm, this is unusual where I live in the south east where most people commute an hour minimum into London and work at least 9-5.30pm daily.

countfosco
"The English are obsessed with early bedtimes for children"

No, the English prioritise children getting enough sleep, and the English generally work out of the home.

Young DC typically need 11-12 hours sleep. In many families DC are at childcare from 7.30am or 8am to get to school or facilitate parents commuting to work. So they are up early. Our climate means afternoon naps beyond toddlerhood waste important time children could use to be outside (important for vitamin D) so most young children need to be in bed by 7 or 8pm.

This differs from southern Europe where the climate makes it sensible to preserve day time napping for longer and have a later bedtime as it is too hot to be out in the afternoon.

Your lucky you’re all back to be together in the evening. I think your husband suggested a good compromise.

I agree with this 100%. I can only dream of a time when all my family could be together at 6pm on a week night! I think it's happened all of twice since we had children. Although as my kids get older and stay up later (and the 'adult only' time is reduced in my house', at least we might be able to eat together more!

Although in the 80/90s i have very clear memories of my mum, sister and I eating our evening meal at around 6ish and leaving a plate out for dad to microwave when he came in at 7.7.30 or later!

"The English are obsessed with early bedtimes for children"

so true

then they moan that the children get up too early.
it's especially sad in the summer months when the kids miss out on the best part of the day.

As the kids don't spend the entire day outside, it would make no difference to have naps and be out around them.

How many threads from posters who are at their wits end because the kids are climbing up the walls from 5am?

*"The English are obsessed with early bedtimes for children"

so true

then they moan that the children get up too early.*

I feel I need to rise to this! i know friends whose kids get up at 5.30am without fail. Every day. Totally regardless of what time they go to bed. So they go to bed early so they aren't over tired, monstrous children.

Trust me, parents of early risers will have done/bought every fucking thing they can to keep their kids in bed for a bit longer!!

i know friends whose kids get up at 5.30am without fail. Every day. Totally regardless of what time they go to bed.

got some of those too.
The kids are sent to bed ridiculously early. Then once in a blue moon they are staying later, but get up as early... Parents complain that later to bed makes no difference. Because they went to bed late ONCE.

Kids need to sleep, if they had a different routine, they wouldn't wake up at 5am...

We rarely eat together except on weekends. My youngest eats at 5:30 3 times a week because of activities and no one else is hungry at that time. I try to sit with her and have a drink or snack.
Luckily both my children are good eaters and not fussy so that helps. I could eat at 6 but I'd be starving again by 9. When we eat together it's usually around 7/7:30 but my children are older.
I think as long as you're sitting down together it's still family time. I'd do lunch all together on the weekend as others have said and as your children get older and stay up later you can all eat together then.