To want to Eat dinner as a family

[kmini]

Would like us to sit down and eat dinner together. Probably not every night (the kids are not going to appreciate the expensive meals or the spicey ones!) - but most nights.

Main reason that prompted me was DS (5) and DD (2) are both picky eaters in their own ways, so I'm hopeful it would encourage better eating habits seeing us eat dinner . As a side benefit, it really something that I always intended to be part of family life but I suppose I've just continued our baby/toddler routine and never really committed to it before.

Anyway - after a week of dinners between 6.15 and 6.45 with the kids rather than our usual 8 PM - DH says tonight that he's really not hungry at this time and would prefer not to eat till later.

He says he's happy to sit at the table and agrees about what I'm trying to achieve with family meal time and improving their pickiness - he just wants to actually eat his meal later.

I feel like this really defeats the purpose. AIBU?

His reasons are:

• he's not hungry
• he's too busy with work at the moment to ensure that he eats at a time that means he's hungry at 6.15
• it makes him snack around 9 pm
• he doesn't think he needs to eat with the kids to create a family meal or change their eating behaviours

Can i get your opinions?

It's difficult and I understand why you'd like to do this. I'd love to sit down with DH and DS every evening for tea, but working hours make that impossible as we wouldn't be eating until 7.30 and DS would be a nightmare by then as he gets hungry at around 5. DH and I haven't even left work at 5pm.

If your DH isn't hungry, he isn't hungry and that's that really.

I think he needs to give it a longer trial before saying he's refusing to do it. If his lunch jumps about all over the place and the latest he sometime just grabs a sandwich is at 2pm then that shouldn't really stop him eating a proper dinner at 6pm which is a pretty standard time to eat tea. It can move later as the DC get older so it's just temporary. But if you don't start eating as a family every day then it won't ever happen because the DC will see that their parents don't prioritise that time so they won't either as they become independent.

We have always eaten as a family. TBH the DC have just had to get used to eating later, DH didn't get home till 6.30 so that is when we ate. I couldn't be arsed with cooking again after doing the whole bedtime routine and I grew up always eating together (lived on a farm so tea was at 5pm on the dot, but work continued into the evening). We have been known to bath the youngest child before tea while the older siblings are at their sport so that we can enjoy tea together but not affect bedtime too much.

The English are very obsessed with very early bedtimes for DC and I use to feel guilty that we didn't get them in bed for the statutory 7pm. But they grow up very quickly and before you know it you need bed before they do.

Oh, but I'd say to your DH 'sure, you can sit and not eat but you'll have to sort out your own tea'. Watching you all eat at 6pm before he has his own lonely meal at 8pm might make him change his mind.

We've always eaten together on a later time. DCs are now 9&6 and there's only one evening a week when we are actually in the house at 6pm, so 8pm when DH is in and we're back from activities works well anyway. The DCs have a light tea around 4-5pm to keep them going.
When they were younger, it was closer to 7pm as we weren't even in from nursery/ work until shortly after 6pm.

Eating together or at least sitting around the table is a good chance to talk, catch up and have some time with more formal manners (not in a major way, but little things like helping, sharing, getting things for others, asking to go to the toilet). DS has dyspraxia, and while his table manners are not the best, it is regular promting on basics like sit on your chair, use cutlery.

Oh, but I'd say to your DH 'sure, you can sit and not eat but you'll have to sort out your own tea'. Watching you all eat at 6pm before he has his own lonely meal at 8pm might make him change his mind.

What a bizarre and nasty attitude. To punish your DH because he doesn’t feel hungry when you want him to. How very controlling.

what a bizarre and nasty attitude absolutely agree @AlexaAmbridextra! Can you imagine if someone came on saying their male DP did this!!

We have always eaten together as a family
Not saying it has always been easy
But overall I am glad we did

How is expecting a man to prepare his own food punishing him? He's not a toddler.

I’m with your dh.

DC eat early here 6pm then bath, bed

Me & DH sat 8/9pm.

If I had dinner early, if he be fat from snacking later

People eat at 8pm at night or later???? I would be stabby as fuck by then

People eat at 8pm at night or later????

Yes they do because many people like my DH aren’t even home from work much before then due to a big commute. How do people on here get home so early??

People eat at 8pm at night or later???? I would be stabby as fuck by then

I was shocked that most adults don't. Who are these people who finish work in the middle of the afternoon, have time to cook, look after the kids and be ready for diner at 6pm.

It's an MN thing, I don't know anyone who can do that. My 5 year old is not ready for diner that early!

Dinner is 7.30pm to 8pm for all surely? Not understanding this obsession with early meals or bedtime. Give kids a small healthy snack and eat together as a family later.

We all eat at 5! I don't eat again. DH tends to snack again. Children have supper right before they go to bed, but it's our chance to chat about stuff and I'm only cooking once!

People eat at 8pm at night or later???? I would be stabby as fuck by then

I don't get home from work until gone seven!

I prefer to eat 730/8 - as does df so we eat then once dd is in bed

Dd almost 3 eats 5ish

She wouldn’t last till 6 Or 7 like some posters suggest

So would be a snack 4/5 which is pointless is eating hr later

Plus she’s in bed 7 ish - 615 tonight as no afternoon nap

Have friends who eat with their kids at 530

I am not hungry then

But I do sit with dd and chat to her - unless she wants peppa and then eats watching tv - OMG. Sure some will say that’s terrible

We try and have a roast at weekends all together

Plus on holiday she eats later but everything shifts and nap is more 2-4/5 then 1/3 and then a snack and eats with us

If I ate at 5/6 I would be hungry again at 9/10

I don’t see the problems if hubby sits with you but doesn’t eat

Can he not just have a smaller lunch?

I with you OP, I think it's important for the family to eat together. The kids can't eat at 7pm as it's past their bedtime, whereas he can work out a way to be hungry at 5pm.

I guarantee if he had one slice of beans on toast at lunch he'd be ready!

It's unreasonable to expect anybody to eat when they're not hungry. Sitting together whilst you eat is a good compromise and modelling the sensible behaviour of not eating when not hungry.

You want meal times to be calm and relaxed and an adult who isn't eating themselves (and who isn't hungry) is an asset when dealing with fussy children.

You'll probably manage to find a compromise time when the children are a little older and can wait until later to eat.

I’m finding it really hard to all eat together during the week. Mine are younger than yours but family meals together just don’t fit in with our lives. My 3 year old used to be able to hold on until about 7 which meant sometimes my husband would be back from work but my baby goes nuts if she’s not started eating by 6. When I’m back at work, the children will get their meals at nursery on my working days and then the 3 of us will sometimes eat together and sometimes I’ll eat with my husband. Weekends are different . This is the thing that I’ve found most surprising about children. I always had my meals with my parents. It’s just a bit of a different world in terms of working hours, commutes etc.

Your lucky you’re all back to be together in the evening. I think your husband suggested a good compromise.

howwillthispanout

Dinner is 7.30pm to 8pm for all surely?

No, no, no! A tiny minority of crazy people!!!

AfterschoolWorry - I’m in a crazy minority then! Also DC grew up in Europe so views may be skewered.

I think he needs to give it a bit longer if he agrees it's important to eat together. Before DS I considered eating dinner before 8 ridiculous (and I was a bit snobby about it, if I'm honest) but it matters a lot to me that we all eat together, especially since DH and I both work full time, so we now eat with 18 month old DS at 6. It did take me a while to adjust but I did - now I'm starving if I'm going out for dinner and have to wait until 7.30 for my food! I also used to need a snack in the evening but I tried to keep it small and then eventually stopped needing it - I do now have to eat breakfast, though, which I didn't when I ate at 8.30 or 9.

If it makes your DH feel better, we are 2 mid 30s people with no children and we tend at eat at 6.30 ish most nights as we get up early and like eating.

We eat dinner as a family every day at around 5pm when I get in from work and before DH goes to work (night shift)
It's just how our routine worked out as I was just like you OP, i wanted a family meal every day (or there abouts).

I haven't read all the thread but we try to eat Friday and Saturday evening together 6.30-7ish kids have a snack, adults light lunch. We definitely eat Sunday lunch together and try to have a big family breakfast on Saturday or Sunday. We also try to eat out on a Monday or Tuesday 6pmish if we can (husband goes back to work after if he needs to). Saying that my husbands been in another country for the last two weeks and Ive been eating with the kids and going to bed at the same time to catch up on some rest! The other days I sometimes eat with my teen 5.30ish and sometimes my husband 9pm-ish - the baby joins in with both if he can! 😆