To think that I can have a full time job and still be an attachment parent?

[GingaNinja84]

All kicked off on my baby what’s app group. Basically I returned to work this week....couple days a week for a couple months, eventually going full time in the spring.

Mentioned this on my baby group what’s app, and another mum made a snarky comment about ‘how does it feel to be leaving all your work with attachment parenting behind?’

Am I wrong to be royally pissed by this, or is she right?

I get it. The main principles of AP imply that you’re barely supposed to be separated from your baby for those first few years. But I can’t afford that. I need to go back to work to pay bills and afford to raise my little one...and now this woman is making me feel like all of a sudden I can’t be attached to my baby any more?!

For the record....I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, babywearing, co-sleeping and everything else AP entails. I just won’t be with my little girl between 9am - 5pm Monday to Friday.

AIBU to believe I can be an attachment parent and still work full time? Or am I physiologically damaging my child by going back to work? She’s 11 months old.

I’ve already commented about AP being a pile of shit but it’s really annoyed me.

It basically feels like an attempt to feel superior. Like, oh, I’m an attachment parent. As if the rest of us plebs just chuck our babies on the floor and leave them to their own devices.
Such patronising, elitist, shaming wankery.

"Attachment parenting" 😂😂 fucking hell, I've heard it all now

For me some of the attachment parenting stuff worked well in the early days but not all - trying to do everything even if it's not working for you is unhealthy. Over time I found it less and less useful. I'd recommend Ahaparenting.com for some great advice on how to continue to nurture a great connection with your child as they get older and more independent.

1. Parenting doesn’t need a label

1. As soon as you try to ‘do’ a certain type of parenting you are setting yourself up for anxiety and giving yourself a stick to beat yourself with in case you’re not doing it ‘right’.

1. WhatsApp groups that “kick off” and where people aren’t supportive are not good places to be

1. People who put down others’ choices and/or crow about their own are usually doing it because they feel insecure about their choices and are looking for validation that they are doing it right.

Ugh stop labelling parenting people! Attachment what?? Hate these kind of terms

Around 35% of babies and young children have a secure attachment to their parents. Many of those parents work and very few are attachment parents.
You won't be an attachment parent, but neither will you damage your attachment to your baby. It's fine, op.

Think attachment parenting has been around for at least 15 years, I certainly heard of it 15 years ago. It was meant to be that you wear them in a sling virtually all day long. I didnt think it was very healthy for the child, the Mother or the Father. Motherhood very often brings out a really idiotic side to people. They want to be seen as the best Mother ever, and in doing so, make everyone else look awful, or try to. I know a perfectly sensible woman at work that I thought was brilliant, and after having a baby she has turned into the most idiotic woman I know. When a colleague brought in her baby, she took over the conversation in front if everyone about how she does baby led weaning and how she files her babys nails like shes the first woman who has ever thought of it...honestly, in an office full of women, there was a lot of eye rolling. Women like this really dont know how silly they look. It's like some women on here who advocate breastfeeding toddlers and in doing so make out women who dont are the most evil idiotic women on earth. Its just ridiculous. If they want to do it fine, but dont make out others are awful, by not doing it. This is what this woman on the what's app group has done. She is so far up her own idiotic bum that she cant see how silly she looks.

Around 35% of babies and young children have a secure attachment to their parents.

Pray tell where the pseudo stats are coming from?

Around 35% of babies and young children have a secure attachment to their parents.

So you’re saying the majority of babies and young children aren’t securely attached. Where did you come across this data?

I also did Baby led weaning (before it was widely known about because I know the author)

Did anyone else laugh at this statement?

Parenta have been BLW forever without the wanky label. It's just giving your kid food!

It's just giving your kid food!

Revolutionary

Yes, in my understanding, attachment parenting choice would be to dedicate at least the first year to your baby and then slowly gain your own life back while the toddler explores the world more and more. But sadly many contries don't have adequate parental leave to make that possible, so you are not a "bad mum" for having to work.

Term "exclusive breastfeeding" means breastfeeding your baby for the first 6 months of life without pumping, bottles, dummies, formula or solids. So, yes, I don't think you can do that while working 9 - 5.

Ridiculing attachment parenting ("you are not suppose to leave kids for few years") is just as bad as the cruel remark in the baby group. People already have a weak understanding of this approach as it is.

Sad to read childminders comment - that is exactly where the clash of values lies. Adults often want children to be convenient even if that means to ignore their needs of closiness, their understanding of safety and love. Yes, one paid person with several babies can't practice attachment parenting, in that sense the cruel remark is right. However, if the baby still have close bond with mother, propably there won't be great harm done.

Doesn't it depend who the baby is with while you're at work? If they're with another parent or family member then they are still "attached". Attachment parenting doesn't have to be just about the mother. Especially at a year old when they're less reliant on breastmilk.

Yes, one paid person with several babies can't practice attachment parenting

But one unpaid person with several children could?

Hmm. Sounds like someone's drunk the cool aid.

So, yes, I don't think you can do that while working 9 - 5.

The child is 11 months old. Your point is?

Honestly with so little understanding of what’s meant by attachment in infants I’d not worry about “attachment parenting”, the chances are most of them have absolutely no clue what they’re talking about.

Meet your child’s needs, be physically, emotionally and psychologically available to them. Play with them, help them play independently. They’ll be fine.

But sadly many contries don't have adequate parental leave to make that possible, so you are not a "bad mum" for having to work.

Slow clap.

It won't be technically attachment parenting but you can still be a GREAT mum and be very close to your child. I have returned to work (flexible) full time with both my DC at 10/11 months old. Both of them have continued to breastfeed until at least 2 years of age (DS still going at 2.5), I very rarely miss a bedtime and let them be with me as much as they like when I'm around, in terms of being carried, sleeping with me etc. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for providing for your family or persuing your own interests.

I think the real issue here is that you need to evaluate who your friends are and step back from people who make snarky comments.

Just ditch the group.
Never apologise, never explain

”But sadly many contries don't have adequate parental leave to make that possible, so you are not a "bad mum" for having to work.”

So anyone whose employer does give plenty of paid maternity leave and/or can afford to stay home but chooses to return to work, rather than having to, they are all “bad mums”?

However, if the baby still have close bond with mother, propably there won't be great harm done.

Only probably?? Not 'great harm'? Oh please do me a favour!

Glad you've left the group OP, leave them to their judgy ways!

I agree you need to leave the group. I don't think the comment was that bad though knowing the context of the friendship group. You're in a group of friends based on AP, have a WhatsApp group discussing AP, and you meet up and discuss AP. Then go back to work and she asks how you'll feel no longer doing AP? I assume it's hit a nerve with you more than anything. I thought it was just the norm to go back to work but maybe I'm just surrounded by a million rubbish mums and will be a terrible mother myself.

I hate labels. When I had my DCs I got disapproving murmers from the north London natural birth / parenting types for going back to work ( long hours job )at 4-6 weeks and from parents in my industry for using independent midwives, having home births, BF until DCs were at least 2, co-sleeping and never going out (except to work) without my DCs. All decisions were based on what suited me / my family setup. Not on any particular philosophy of child rearing.

I was a breastfeeding, co sleeping, baby wearing mum who went back to college when my baby was 6 weeks old.
You do what works for you, your baby and your family and that might be a different thing for every baby as your circumstances will be different everytime.
Attachment parenting should not be a tick list of things you do it should be about meeting your baby's needs in a way that suits your baby, ypur family, and your situation.

Term "exclusive breastfeeding" means breastfeeding your baby for the first 6 months of life without pumping, bottles

I’ve never heard of exclusive bfing to exclude pumped breastmilk either.

That post of yours is scaling new heights of ridiculousness.

I think it's clear that there is an agenda behind attachment parenting. What a coincidence that the main leader of the movement is a conservative Christian who thinks women shouldn't work...

I have my ebf 6 month old on my lap sleeping right now and his pram has gathered dust because he massively prefers the sling but I am going back to work in 3 months and my DH will take shared parental leave.

I just do what works for us and I think my needs are important too. We could afford for either of us to give up work but we don't want to - 4 days each suits us just fine