To find this situation unfathomably & frighteningly weird?

[AcrobaticSunflower]

I have an 18 month old little girl. Her father was someone I cared about deeply but who turned out to be a quiet sociopathic con-artist.

Long story short, he was super charming, pretended to be this hard-working, sincerely, thoughtful, sensitive & slightly shy guy and pretended to be really into me.

Contraception failure resulted in me getting pregnant. At this point he did a 180 (although cracks in his mask had already just begun to show just before I discovered I was pregnant) and became violent, mentally abusive and openly racist against me. In fact his immediate response to the news of my pregnancy was to put me in a chokehold and rape me.

From there he began ranting about how, yes, he’d pretended we were boyfriend & girlfriend & that he really liked me but that as a Muslim there was no way he’d ever want a child with a non-Muslim or with someone black. Things just got worse and worse and worse & in fact when I posted my first ultrasound scan on my Facebook he called the police & said that revealing my pregnancy amounted to “harassment” and that his family might find out he’s having a baby with “some woman who means absolutely nothing to him.”

First few months we dated we weren’t having sex yet. I have quite old-fashioned views and don’t have sex with many guys. Before him I’d been dating but not had sex with anyone for a long time out of choice. He claimed he himself only ever had sex with people he really cared about and that sex was really sacred to him. We’d also talked about our views on abortion and I’d explained that abortion is not something I’d do. He claimed to feel the same.

Fast forward to me being pregnant and him repeatedly sending me messages saying “I never even cared about you in the first place, lol” and “You were just an alternative to a prostitute”. And “Why would I care about a woman who’s stupid enough to let me fuck her when I’ve not even proposed marriage to her?”

He wrote to me threatening to sue me for refusing an abortion.

Eventually I had to get a restraining order. He then backed off, travelled overseas to an impoverished country & targeted a teenage girl there. He went back a few months later and married her. He’d met her 4 times prior to marrying her & he was “grooming” her while I was giving birth to my child. Six months after marrying this girl (who he’s left in her overseas country and doesn’t live with — he himself lives here in England with his mum) — the girl gave birth to a child that’s supposedly his.

From what I’ve heard he has announced this new child as the arrival of Jesus Christ (I’m actually not joking — he is in psychosis much of the time). Meanwhile he pretends me and his 1st child simply never existed.

However, his bride (who is less than half his age) started emailing me recently. Bragging abut how deeply in love her & my ex are & demanding that my child must “pass” a DNA test so that she and my ex can take her. Presumably she imagines I’d let them “take” my child overseas for visits (there is no way in hell).

This girl also stated that she’s aware he has “abused and harmed loads of women” and that this “makes me feel a bit sad. But what I see today is an amazing man who just want love and happiness and happy family.”
She also added that she’s never met or even spoken to any of his family or friends, that none of his friends/family attended or acknowledged her wedding to him.

I had to block her because her messages were just so weird & she was becoming quite hysterical & seemed emotionally dysregulated.

Am I right in thinking this entire situation is absolutely insane and barely even adds up?

I’m so confused!!!!!

@Sisiwawa

Wanting to know WTF is wrong with this pair does not prevent me from protecting my child. I'm a good mother, thanks. The two things are not mutually exclusive.

And I find it astonishing that you imagine there is any possibility whatsoever of me allowing my child ANYWHERE NEAR this individual.

63% of Moroccans speak French apparently:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Morocco

So it doesn't follow what a PP said about prestige language, high class etc.

This is all very troubling. Agree with PP, focus on practical solutions and move your mind away from "why".

I’m curious how the other exes contacted the Moroccan wife. Did they also contact you to warn you? Who did you hear this from?

I agree with everyone else who says it would be relatively easy to fake the Moroccan wife, use a good translation service and a VPN IP address. I think the emails are from him and she doesn’t exist.

You say you speak fluent French OP are you from a Moroccan background? If you haven’t actually spoken to her or seen FB and photo evidence of her existence and anything more concrete to prove she’s in Morocco that merely and IP address, and everything you ‘know’ about her has come directly from him or via email only then I would put money on it that she doesn’t exist.

Besides which, what are the chances of there being two people as unhinged as him?

I think your best course of action now is to make sure your ex cannot find you or your child, assume the wife is fake and ignore all email contact, but keep it for future evidence against him if it’s ever needed.

Get yourself a new email address for regular use and transfer anything important to it. Leave the other address alone And let his contact just sit there untouched.

@StegosaurusRex. I'd imagine they simply messaged her via social media -- it's not at all hard to do this.

They didn't contact me because I doubt they knew about me --- I wasn't posting about him or friends with him on any social media.

Towards the end, by which time he was making threats and assaulting me, I managed to speak to his ex before me to find out from her whether he has a history of violence. He most certainly does! She filled me in on the details and he'd (mis)treated her very similarly. She's in touch with several of his previous partners (they all seem to have ended up with lasting trauma from his abuse) so it doesn't surprise me at all that they reached out to this young girl to try to warn her

@AllideasAndNoAction
The issue here is not about this girl's existence. She absolutely exists. I don't want to go into too much detail about this and I don't think it's necessary to have to keep explaining that yes she exists over and over again -- but yes she is 100% a real person and is married to him.

These constant comments telling me she's not real or that it was him emailing me are a bit condescending actually. Obviously I have all the facts and I'm not able to share every detail in my posts -- so I'm in a position to know what's going on here as far as her identity, whether it was her emailing me or not, etc.

I believe that she exists, it is very easy to tell if you're talking to a French speaker and not a scramble of google translations. It's the small things which give it away, as you know.
This woman isn't a threat. She's far away in a different country, not even living with your ex. Whatever their strange set up is, you don't need to give it headspace. Your ex doesn't have parental responsibility for your child and has shown no inclination of ever having any. Whatever their threats or ideas, it's all fantasy. Not based on reality or within U.K. jurisdiction.
Continue as you are, you're doing brilliantly.

You poor thing .

I was in an abusive relationship years ago and lots of what you say mirrors that. When I left him he started stalking me, I had to change my number and move house to try escaping him plus involve the police who were pretty useless. I’m lucky he stopped after the police eventually cautioned him for assaulting me in the street... I know some women aren’t so lucky and even end up dead.

First advice would be to either remove yourself from social media entirely (if you use it) or at least change your name on there and completely lock your profiles down. Make sure any connections on there aren’t connected to him in any way too. Change your email address, delete the one she emailed you on entirely if possible. You have done the correct thing moving home. I would be tempted to slightly change my name by deed poll if I were you. It’s no way to live, constantly checking over your shoulder so I do hope they both stay away now and leave you and your DD in peace.

I don't know that this girl he has married is necessarily overtly abusive like he is but she comes across as being a major enabler of his behaviour.

She sounds to me like a young girl who's been lovebombed and completely taken in by a much older man whom she's trying to please. Blame him all you like but remember that you, OP, were taken in by him for quite a while.

Run away. Very very fast.

Okay fair enough. It the advice you are being given is exactly the same either way. Disengage, ignore, keep hold of emails/messages. It don’t respond to them and most importantly of all, stop focusing on the motives and dramas of of unstable, dysfunctional people.

Protect yourself and your daughter by putting all the preventative measures in place that have been suggested. Refuse to see him or enter into any discussions with him or his wife, or any of his exes. Way too much drama going on all round.

If he bothers you in person then involve the police and get another non mol. If he threatens you with the family courts them let him. See how far he gets with a history of domestic abuse and ranting about his unborn child being the second coming of Christ.