To find this situation unfathomably & frighteningly weird?

[AcrobaticSunflower]

I have an 18 month old little girl. Her father was someone I cared about deeply but who turned out to be a quiet sociopathic con-artist.

Long story short, he was super charming, pretended to be this hard-working, sincerely, thoughtful, sensitive & slightly shy guy and pretended to be really into me.

Contraception failure resulted in me getting pregnant. At this point he did a 180 (although cracks in his mask had already just begun to show just before I discovered I was pregnant) and became violent, mentally abusive and openly racist against me. In fact his immediate response to the news of my pregnancy was to put me in a chokehold and rape me.

From there he began ranting about how, yes, he’d pretended we were boyfriend & girlfriend & that he really liked me but that as a Muslim there was no way he’d ever want a child with a non-Muslim or with someone black. Things just got worse and worse and worse & in fact when I posted my first ultrasound scan on my Facebook he called the police & said that revealing my pregnancy amounted to “harassment” and that his family might find out he’s having a baby with “some woman who means absolutely nothing to him.”

First few months we dated we weren’t having sex yet. I have quite old-fashioned views and don’t have sex with many guys. Before him I’d been dating but not had sex with anyone for a long time out of choice. He claimed he himself only ever had sex with people he really cared about and that sex was really sacred to him. We’d also talked about our views on abortion and I’d explained that abortion is not something I’d do. He claimed to feel the same.

Fast forward to me being pregnant and him repeatedly sending me messages saying “I never even cared about you in the first place, lol” and “You were just an alternative to a prostitute”. And “Why would I care about a woman who’s stupid enough to let me fuck her when I’ve not even proposed marriage to her?”

He wrote to me threatening to sue me for refusing an abortion.

Eventually I had to get a restraining order. He then backed off, travelled overseas to an impoverished country & targeted a teenage girl there. He went back a few months later and married her. He’d met her 4 times prior to marrying her & he was “grooming” her while I was giving birth to my child. Six months after marrying this girl (who he’s left in her overseas country and doesn’t live with — he himself lives here in England with his mum) — the girl gave birth to a child that’s supposedly his.

From what I’ve heard he has announced this new child as the arrival of Jesus Christ (I’m actually not joking — he is in psychosis much of the time). Meanwhile he pretends me and his 1st child simply never existed.

However, his bride (who is less than half his age) started emailing me recently. Bragging abut how deeply in love her & my ex are & demanding that my child must “pass” a DNA test so that she and my ex can take her. Presumably she imagines I’d let them “take” my child overseas for visits (there is no way in hell).

This girl also stated that she’s aware he has “abused and harmed loads of women” and that this “makes me feel a bit sad. But what I see today is an amazing man who just want love and happiness and happy family.”
She also added that she’s never met or even spoken to any of his family or friends, that none of his friends/family attended or acknowledged her wedding to him.

I had to block her because her messages were just so weird & she was becoming quite hysterical & seemed emotionally dysregulated.

Am I right in thinking this entire situation is absolutely insane and barely even adds up?

I’m so confused!!!!!

@Isleepinahedgefund a perfectly ordinary situation? Stop being nasty for the sake of it. OP I'm glad you're out of that! Take care of yourself and your little one

@aroundtheworldyet. I really hope he does not ever find me. I've even had to stay off the Electoral Roll at my new home and kept all my bank, credit card details etc at my old address (and set up Mail Redirection) so that there's no way of my credit file linking to my new address, because maybe loons like him can find a way to trace people via credit history files?

I really don't want to have to EVER see him again. I think I'd have a panic attack.

@Ponoka7

I've blocked her. Obviously I'm not connected with her on social media or anything like that and if she did find a way to message me again I'd just ignore. I'm not really sure what else I can do to sever ties.

Well you can’t do that forever. So you’re going to have to work out a way to disappear properly.

@Amber763. Thanks very much.

I'm in therapy and healing from this insane situation. I come from a background of extreme abuse during childhood and this relationship experience ended up seriously triggering old wounds and unfortunately undoing the many years of hard work I'd done in trying to heal from the childhood stuff.

I don't think it's any coincidence at all to have grown up in an abusive home and then end up with this nut who's insanely abusive.

@Sarahandco
Staying away from these two is what I'm already doing. My goodness, I had a non molestation order against my ex at one point.

But making them think my baby is not his is not really going to work. My ex knows she's his. But on the plus side I think he's callous enough that even though he knows she is his, he won't give a shit anyway and will continue to have no interest in her whatsoever. I doubt people like him have any form of paternal feelings or whatever

@whensa what point are you trying to make? Do you disbelieve the OP?

I'd delete all social media personally. The fact she wasn't blocked in the first place is risky.

Where does his new wife live? It's not so improbable that she believes your DD should live with her father and expects that to happen. If you are not a muslim, under sharia law, the father should have custody of the child. Even if you were a muslim, the mother would usually have custody of any children until the age of 7, after that the father may get custody. This article gives a summary of the laws in different countries: www.ijhssnet.com/journals/Vol_4_No_5_March_2014/29.pdf

The email from the new wife could be your ex pretending to be her or it could be genuine. Either way, it is possible that it is his or both their belief that your DD should live with them. I would be concerned about parental abduction based on your ex's past behaviour. This charity can give advice: www.reunite.org

OP was your daughter living with you when you were threatened with eviction last September? You didn't mention her living with you at all in that thread

What’s your point?

Around, why does OP need to move abroad or 'at least 6 hours away'? Doesn't look like ex wants to do anything with her or the child.
I am actually with one poster, who wrote that this is an ordinary situation. Apart, of course, from the rape allegations. Men of that religion ofter play the field with western girls, but go and marry their own country girls when time comes. Nothing new here.

@crustycrab. How on earth could I block the email address of someone whose email address I didn't even know until she emailed me????

I was advised by a forensic psychiatrist who is an expert in stalking that it is better not to block communication, just don't respond, so you know what the stalkers intentions are and their state of mind. If you feel you can cope with that, it might be a good idea to unblock them? Obviously, if you have been advised otherwise, don't.

I'm glad he doesn't know where you are. I would go to every length and could you both maybe change your names?
Might also be worth getting this deleted along with all social media stuff. You can always set new stuff up in the future.

@SmileEachDay

Quite!
I've noticed this sort of thing on people's posts before. Sort of like heckling or "concern trolling"

Op you may find counselling/help at the Life Centre organisation for people that have been sexually abused. They opperate a 'secret' office location in sussex, but the have a national phone line and may be able to point you in the direction of a good sexual abuse counselling org in your area. The safety for their clients is paramount. He would not be able to access therapist 'notes' as he will not know that you are seeking their help. It is not a 'state run' charity and will not be on your nhs medical notes etc.

There’s another thread running atm about how you now the answer to a thread just by reading the title.
I’m guessing @Isleepinahedgefund bizarre post was meant for that thread not this one surely?

@runoutofnamechanges

That's VERY smart advice.
I did take advice from a solicitor specialising in family law and she advised not blocking and instead keeping all of the crazy emails etc as evidence. In her experience she said these types of individuals can suddenly re-appear and try to get custody or visitation and the more evidence I've got to show he's unfit, the better.....

I just got tired of their crazy emails and blocked. But I might unblock and set things up so their emails go into a spam folder or something

Also maybe report your thread and ask for it to be moved to the relationships board, AIBU is like a fight club sometimes

@Isleepinahedgefund has posted on the wrong thread. There’s another thread going about knowing the content of a thread just by reading the title.

@runoutofnamechanges

His bride lives in Morocco. He is British and lives here. Thankfully we're not under Sharia Law here in England.

To be honest I don't fully understand what either of them are playing at.

I mean SURELY she does not imagine I'd let my child have visitation with them given the circumstances.

@KundaliniRising. I had never heard of the Life Centre. Thank you very much!

When she says ‘take’ your child does she definitely mean for visitation or is there a chance she means they will gain custody?

Is there a police record of previous abuse? Restraining order? Does he know your childcare setup (if any) or where your family are? Any way he can find out where you are now?

If it were me I'd change my name and move far away, obviously I'd be honest to my child about their parentage but I'd not sugar coat it either

@HolyMilkBoobiesBatman

It's impossible to know what on earth she was on about with this "take" my child business. She was in a sort of hysterical/overly emotional state it seemed.

Yes, the police know about my ex's behaviour because I reported him for rape and I previously had a non molestation order against him. I didn't renew the non mol when it expired because he'd gotten married to this girl and I presumed I would now be safe.

As for my daughter he has ignored her very existence ever since my 3rd trimester. But I don't know how much "stalking" he might be doing from afar.

I learnt a whole lot about his history via the police (Claire's Law) and via my own research and it turns out he has a long track record of seriously abusing women and the one before me he has reportedly been stalking for about 5 years now