WiFi off at 9.30 pm. Worst parent ever?

[Notsureabouthis]

Because my children think I am! 🤨

They are 17,14 and 13. Glued to their phones.

Trying to get a bit of balance/a better nighttime regime. They have books/audio books... also fairly generous data so the eldest can still Snapchat etc...just not stream YouTube.

He looked at me like he really hated me tonight.😞

AIBU? Apparently no one else’s parents limit WiFi?!

Access to wifi is not a basic human right. No-one has died from lack of internet access.

If you provide it, and pay for it, you choose when it is available.

If your 17 year old isn't happy, they had better work out how to earn some money and pay for their own data.

I have an 18 yr old and an almost 12yr old. Up until the eldest turned 16, any devices he had got turned over to me at 8pm until the following day. The same now applies for the youngest.
Once the eldest turned 16 he could have his phone in his room at night, and tbh its never been an issue. He's had to learn how to moderate himself because momma isnt always going to be there to do it for him

Nope not joking and not going to be persuaded that I'm being cruel/stupid/whatever. My 18yo is still at school, working really hard to get good A levels to do a very competitive degree at uni. He needs his sleep and he needs guidance on self-regulating. He has a 'black box' in his car so his insurance can track his driving - is that also too "apron-string"? He works part-time at a job that requires a qualification and regular training updates, travels independently, manages his own finances, is articulate, hard-working, polite and kind. I've obviously done something right and no he isn't bothered about the Wi-fi restrictions.

And just for context, neither child had a Wii, DS or console, only got phones at age 11, and DS2 bought his own PS4 at age 14. No TVs in bedrooms either. Call Social Services!!

YABU I think. I was living away at college at 17, and our curfew was 11pm (same for 16yos too) so we had access to everything until 11pm
If parents signed a form, no curfew... so it seems a bit ridiculous really to limit WiFi

I don't know why you're so smug about treating an adult like a child, that's far from healthy, but as you both somehow seem content to have you still wiping his arse for him. Have fun.

Some of these answers are a bit ridiculous. He has free use of a phone with data on it. He just isn't able to stream YouTube videos using wifi. He is doing his A levels, for goodness sake.

I would keep this up until he finishes his exams, at which point I would set it up so that he has access but his younger siblings do not.

You could set up google family link for the younger ones. It’s a free app. You can set phone/tablet to go off between given times (but phone still works for making/receiving calls) or set hourly limits, or set controls just for particular apps. You can also locate DC with the app.

I quite like the order of Wi-fi off at 930, then it’s down to 17 yr old to monitor own data usage (and pay for it,)

I think it’s a fantastic idea. My son is nearly 18 and doing his A’levels and it’s bed at 10pm and phone is left downstairs, he’s shattered anyway and is ready for bed then. The same goes for the 15 year old. Keep doing what you are doing.

I'm turning WiFi off tomorrow at 9.30, great idea.

I'm another worst parent ever. DD1 (15) brings her phone and laptop downstairs by 9pm. If there's still homework to be completed and she needs to be online for it, she can use the ancient iPad that was purchased very recently for a few pounds and has been set up to only enable access to the websites and apps essential for homework.

We have the children's devices on a separate router so can switch it off at the plug if need be but continue to access wifi ourselves.

Although DD1 isn't overjoyed by the early wifi curfew, she admits it makes it easier to concentrate on other things because she knows she won't receive notifications etc on her phone (small data allowance) after 9pm. She's recently set up a 'do not disturb' period on her phone which is 9pm to 6am I think and seems to have told friends it's so she can concentrate on revision

If it's not something you've ever done, then fair enough and I'm sure you've got rules about other stuff that I might not think important (but I'd respect you nonetheless) But my kids know what our boundaries are and they respect them.

Levels of independence, trust and responsibility increase gradually as they get older and when exams are done and school is over (for the 18yo) he will have more freedom under our roof. He still won't be able to do "anything" here because he'll be restricted to what's permissible in our house (eg no drugs, no one night stands, no fighting, no wild parties etc) Those things are for when they are responsible for their own accommodation.
As a PP said, when they're paying for the broadband, etc, then they can choose when it's on!

Yabu about the 17 year old. Is he planning on going to uni in 9 months / 18 months time. How is he going to be able to self regulate then if mum has been doing it for him up until the night before he leaves for uni

I’ve never jabbed YANBU so hard in all the time they’ve had the function available. Go further and have a bonfire of all your electricals op, I would. (Bad day with screens and my otherwise lovely son)

Not unreasonable at all. It's your house so it's your wifi, do what you think is best - that's what you're supposed to do for your dc isn't it?!

There’s erm...stuff he might want to be streaming in the privacy of his own room when the younger two are asleep...ever considered that? He’s 17.

I don’t think you should limit his WiFi no. The other two, take away devices.

I’d like to do that but my kids would just use phone data.

OP you are the parent here so parent as you see fit. I remember when my DB was doing his A-levels. He was glued to his x-box in the previous summer. Once school started (September) it disappeared. My parents removed it so he could focus on study. He had a complete tantrum for about two weeks (a 17 year old!!) then he just gave up. He did great in his exams and has completed a degree and professional exams in his field at the age of 27. It didn’t do him any harm and he has a great relationship with my parents. Parents should do what is right over what is popular.

Thanks everyone again. I appreciate your responses.

@Breastfeedingworries - do you have teenagers? I think your comment is hilarious and I actually laughed out loud at the thought that I should keep the Wifi on so he can stream porn. You’re off your head!

DS 17 does his own thing. He sometimes goes to bed at 7pm if he is tired or has had a full day at college. I haven't regulated his sleep for years. He is also doing his A levels.

It's my job to teach him to self regulate and be self sufficient.

@SaintGarbo - that’s brilliant. You are lucky! I have tried to teach self regulate he won’t do it!

There’s erm...stuff he might want to be streaming in the privacy of his own room when the younger two are asleep

That is the most bizarre reason for providing wifi to a teenager I have ever heard.

As a good parent you should be enabling your child to access pornography, instead of discussing the ethics of the porn industry, the unrealistic images it produces, and the distorted and unhealthy approach to relationships and sexuality it promotes?

Weird.

I think it’s fair with the youngest.
But -
DD’s boyfriend’s parents used to do this when he was 15/16. She didn’t have restrictions because I knew she had to learn to self regulate for uni. His wifi got turned off at 9pm.

1. He was constantly trying to find ways round it, including hacking into neighbours wifi. You have to remember that a 17 year old is more tech savvy than you will ever be.

1. He hated them for it, really hated them. He spent all his time round here and used to tell me his problems, not his mum. I actually felt sorry for his mum and used to suggest he talk to her but they were so inflexible and he hated them for the way they tried to exert so much control over his life.

1. They’re at uni now. The relationship ended after 4 years, partly because DD could self-regulate and he just went wild in many areas.

Think carefully.

@musicposy - we’re pretty relaxed in other areas/going out/drinking etc...but yes that is food for thought.

It’s of at 8.30 here
But only for my 10 year old
We limited it on his devices to cut out at 8.30
So no one else is effected
I expect your older ones do need the net to do homework,very unfair at your children’s ages

Wow 9.30pm seems early to me. I am thinking of turning ours off at 11pm which is when my 13 yo has to settle down if he hasn’t already. His friends seem to have 11pm as their ‘off’ time too (or have none at all).

Also if I turned it off earlier, I wouldn’t be able to watch TV - everything I Watch is streamed.

I think 10 or 10.30 would be more reasonable OP but that restricting it for a 17 yo is ridiculous.