AIBU to not want everyone sleeping in ourt bed

[Butterflyflower1234]

DP has three lovely children. He has them EOW and for a few hours during the week. I know each moment with them is precious and I suspect I'm being unreasonable but lately (past 4/5 months) every time we have the DC, they all want to sleep in our bedroom/bed.

DC are 12 (nearly 13), 9 and 6. They 9 and 6 have a bedroom to share and 12 has own room. For the past year or so they'd been sleeping in their rooms with no issues.

Nothing major has happened to create this wanting to sleep with us. DC has had some upset in her life (nothing major I believe) and I know 9 had been sleeping in her bed so this may have sparked the co-sleeping.

I don't think it's appropriate for us all to be sleeping together. Often 6 and 9 sleep in the bed with is and 12 will sleep on a mattress on the floor.

I have to tip toe into my own bedroom, I don't sleep well as there's no space and I don't want to get up during the night to pee in case I wake the kids up.

DP says having these moments together and cuddles is precious which I completely understand but it's not practical.

We'll be TTC in a few months time and I think it'll be even harder to all sleep together if I'm pregnant or with a baby in the room.

How can I sensitively handle this situation? I just think the longer it goes on, the harder it'll be to get them back into their bedrooms.

As far as I'm aware there's no issues with feeling unsafe or anything. They all sleep with the lights on and the rooms are all on the same level. Plus there was no issue initially sleeping in their on rooms.

@silencebeforethebleeps It's definitely hard being a SP. I'm lucky they are wonderful children. Both parents are doing a fantastic job raising them but it is indeed incredibly hard.

I can see his point of view but its not really fair on you is it? I think the issues with the Mum/Partner need addressing really .Children of this age should be able to sleep alone .It also seems funny that all 3 of them do it if it was say the youngest would make more sense.Maybe hold off TTC for the moment and explain kindly to DP you need space !!in bed .How can he sleep that well ?

OP planning on having unprotected sex TTC? So baby/toddler won't be allowed in bed ever? Or the existing children will be told that their new half sibling has more right than they have with their own dad?

You’ve just made all of that up to suit your own agenda. 🙄

The sleep over with fairy lights ,fire going sounds lush !(Any room for a little one Me) do you think? LOL

My 2 kids are like this. 11 and 6. They share a room, but always want to be in with us. I allow them to sleep with me when their dad does 1 night shift a week, or when he goes away to work. Atm my mum has been living with us. She now shares the bedroom with the eldest and the youngest is in our room all the time. It's going to be a nightmare to try and change that when she moves out into her new house. We have been living like this for 6 months. I feel your pain OP.

Could they be worried that you might be trying to have a baby? I know they're young but they may still be aware how these things happen and think sleeping in bed with you will prevent it.

I remember worrying about this at a young age and going to disturb my mum and her partner in the hope that they wouldn't have another child.

My 6yo gets into bed with me which is ok space wise as I’m a single parent. It was the kids Dad that allowed it first and now ds understandably want to do the same with me. I think kids do always want to translate things from one house to another.

I did hear from the kids in passing that their dads girlfriend sleeps in the spare room often at his and wondered if this is why (although exh does snore). I wouldn’t like the nightly visitors as a step mum (if I was one!) but I think the solution is for your to sleep elsewhere on their nights until this passes.

And I wouldn’t ttc until this is all sorted and dc are happy in their own rooms.

The sleep over with fairy lights ,fire going sounds lush !

Please don’t leave your kids asleep (or awake) in a room with the fire on!

Please don’t leave your kids asleep (or awake) in a room with the fire on!

It may be a stove, not an open fire.

I can completely understand your discomfort and feelings that this may be inappropriate but I do also see your partners point that he wants to have cuddles with them.

I have a 10yr old DS and he began to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night a few years back. I had tried to get him to stay in his bed but soon realized that there will be soooo many times in the future that I will want him to cuddle into bed with me and he won't want to or won't be there... So I now take every night I can get with him sleeping in my bed and I am so grateful he still wants his cuddles with mom. I'll continue this as long as he is comfortable with it.

I don't intend to sound mean but if your partner only has his children for a very limited time can you sleep in another room while they all cuddle together?

Come on I'm not stupid! It's a closed wood burner and we (adults) wouldn't fall asleep with it going.

The DC know we would like (another) DC. We've always tried to be open with them so it won't be a nasty surprise. DP speaks to the DC without me present too just so they can speak up if there were any concerns so I don't think that's an issue. Of course it will cause things to be a little different so that's why I want them to be settled now.

Why can’t a closed wood burner be left to run while everyone sleeps? Ours is running constantly at the moment.

The bedroom on the other hand is so cold that I’m grateful for the kids piling into my bed

I would just climb into one of their beds, it really won’t last forever.

It does seem a bit odd though and does sound like they have been disrupted a bit

YANBU. I don’t like bed sharing with my ten month old. I can’t sleep properly. DH used to do this with my DSS and I didn’t sleep well then either. It’s a PITA as DH still sleeps with DSS who is 10 and means I do all the night shifts with baby during his contact time. It’s exhausting.

Also to add-my solution was that DH went into DSS’ room to sleep with him.