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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This isn’t normal is it?

90 replies

LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 09:12

I have a very good friend. Our husband’s work together and we just hit it off. We have been friends for about 3 years. We text all the time and see each other about 3 times a week. We text good morning and good night every day. We send around 20-30 messages every day, even if we see each other.
At the weekend I was talking to my sister in law and mentioned some of the above. She said that it’s not normal and my brother would be worried that she was having an affair if she had a friend like that! Having thought about it, she’s right, isn’t she? I can’t explain why it started or who started it but I know we both rely on each other being there. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
ItsNovemberNotChristmas · 13/01/2020 09:13

It's a bit full on for friends imo but no one's harming anyone

DesLynamsMoustache · 13/01/2020 09:14

Doesn't seem that unusual to me Confused I think it says more about your friend's relationship than anything else! Why would her husband assume she was having an affair with a female friend because they chat lots?

DesLynamsMoustache · 13/01/2020 09:15

Sorry, meant SIL, not friend

HolesinTheSoles · 13/01/2020 09:15

It's definitely full on, it sounds like you rely on each other a lot and are very involved in each other's day to day lives. Are you codependent at all? Is the constant texting a distraction from family life? Do you feel possessive of each other? If not I think it's probably fine.

Yeahnah2020 · 13/01/2020 09:16

Waaaaay too full on.

ohwheniknow · 13/01/2020 09:16

It seems a bit full on to me, but so does your SIL's reaction!

x2boys · 13/01/2020 09:17

Is it just normal chit chat?I have a group that friends we have a group chat thing and we chat constantly.on it throughout the day .

DesLynamsMoustache · 13/01/2020 09:17

Also we have a WhatsApp group made up of four mum friends and we each send at least 20-30 messages to it throughout the day and usually more. It doesn't take very long to send a message!

bananajelly · 13/01/2020 09:18

Sounds like a close friendship to me? My best friend and I text everyday and I've never even thought it was too full on?

NoSauce · 13/01/2020 09:18

People in relationships don’t have that much contact!

Fancynancy01 · 13/01/2020 09:23

Friends speak a lot but I personally wouldn't say good morning and goodnight to a friend religiously every day, maybe did with my best friend when i was a teenager ,that's me though I suppose every friendship is different

Original poster
LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 09:23

It doesn’t interfere with family life - my husband jokes about it. One of the weekly occasions we see each other is a social group which we go to with our husbands. My husband and I run a Youth Theatre which our children go to and I always don’t text her while I’m doing that. Yes, it’s just normal chit chat.

OP posts:
BorissGiantJohnson · 13/01/2020 09:26

Yes that's really really full on. The goodnight and good morning and can't leave each other alone eyes open til eyes shut, bloody hell. Then again, if you're both female and straight, there's probably not much concern about an actual affair, but it still must come between you and your dh in a way because to have that much contact, she must be first and foremost on your mind all the time, more so than your dh. If anything happens you think "I'll tell friend" not "I'll tell dh" so you two get closer and closer at the expense of you and dh getting less so.

Joloh · 13/01/2020 09:27

Me and my two BFFs chat most days. We have our own chat channel and have full on text conversations or just random drive bys with interesting links or a 'good morning' or whatever.

Also have a family group chat that chunters on the same.

WorraLiberty · 13/01/2020 09:27

An affair wouldn't cross my mind but yes, that's really full on.

Have you posted about this before OP?

JasonPollack · 13/01/2020 09:28

Do you fancy her?

Emmelina · 13/01/2020 09:32

I’d wonder where you found the time to meet up in person that often! Though I have a self-created small army and coordinating that much free time around that is more effort than I have energy for Wink it’s great you have a close friend, but try not to get too reliant on each other. I don’t think I even text/saw DH as much as that even when everything was shiny and new!

Insaneinthemembury · 13/01/2020 09:35

Sounds like a close friendship to me! I have text my best friends that much. Especially if there's something going on in their lives they need to talk about

Original poster
LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 09:36

No I haven’t posted about this before.
No I don’t fancy her. I don’t think I’ve ever fancied a woman apart from the odd girl crush on celebrities when I was younger.
But the comment about telling her stuff rather than DH strikes a chord. Not that we have secrets but just female stuff I guess

OP posts:
IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 13/01/2020 09:40

Na me and my best friend are like this but we see each other more that you see your friend. We’re just like sisters really.

Ponoka7 · 13/01/2020 09:43

How would one of you react if you were too bust to text morning or night? Do you spend time on your phone at the expense of your children, or with DH?

Having seen so many too close friendships end and over sharing being used against one of the parties, I'd say just be aware of how much you share and as said, how it impacts on how emotionally open you are with your DH.

howabout · 13/01/2020 09:43

My DH is grateful I have friends to gossip about "female stuff" with. It saves him having to appear remotely interested. Grin So not weird imo but would be if you were keeping secrets or excluding family to maintain the friendship.

BigusBumus · 13/01/2020 09:46

I dont but my DH and his best mate speak about 3 times a day on the phone and text about 10 times. Silly memes and viral photos mainly. Doesn't bother me, I think its ok.

Didkdt · 13/01/2020 09:55

30 x a day with good morning and good night everyday is a bit much
If a friend was going through a crisis then maybe especially checking in and checking out each day
Sometimes you end up with a day when you're texting several times a day
But doing that every day just because seems a bit full on to me.

bobstersmum · 13/01/2020 09:56

Texting every day is fine but the saying good morning and goodnight seems a bit weird to me sorry. I've only ever done that with men I've been in a relationship with. Is it like, anyway I'm going to sleep now goodnight (at the end of a text conversation) or Goodnight special friend, I will text you as soon as I wake up xxxxxxxx?