This isn’t normal is it?

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I have a very good friend. Our husband’s work together and we just hit it off. We have been friends for about 3 years. We text all the time and see each other about 3 times a week. We text good morning and good night every day. We send around 20-30 messages every day, even if we see each other.
At the weekend I was talking to my sister in law and mentioned some of the above. She said that it’s not normal and my brother would be worried that she was having an affair if she had a friend like that! Having thought about it, she’s right, isn’t she? I can’t explain why it started or who started it but I know we both rely on each other being there. Any thoughts?

Good grief text madness

20-30 messages EVERY day?

Wow.

I don’t think it’s full on if it works for you

It's a lot, you're in an intensive emotional relationship with this woman, even of you aren'y in love with her BUT if it works for the two of you then that's okay isn't it?

It's your choice - if it is not harming anyone then what's the problem?

It would be far too full on for me, I had a friend when I was much younger who tried to start this sort of incessant texting/calling, and I had to cut it right back. But if you're both happy enough with it, and it isn't annoying your husband/family, I can't see that it's doing any harm.

Way too needy for my tastes but if you're happy and your friend is happy and your husband is happy I don't see the problem. Normal is entirely subjective.

I have a few friends like that, we have an ongoing online conversation.

we don't live in the same country though, a couple are not even on the same continent. That's how we stay in touch.

We don't say good morning or good night though. I do love internet, it would be so much harder to have to write long letters, wait for the reply, and so on.

I am the same with DH. There's no set number, but when we have something to say, we whatsap each other - no disruption, the other one replies when they're available. Some days it might be 30 messages. Others, 1.

It's just the same as FB or instagram, but private.

Not unusual for me.
Me and my friend chat for most of the day every days

I have friends that I can easily bat back and forth messages with, just random nonsense. I don't have the good morning/good night thing with any of them though, and it tends to be more sporadic and linked to something current than a thing that happens every single day - for example, watching a TV programme "together" on a Saturday night.

My DP and I can have similar if not at work, plus all the usual will you pick up milk/has the cat been out type stuff.

I'd find that unbearably smothering but other people are different, obviously. I'm more of a meet-up-every-few-weeks kind of person. I have to really make a conscious effort to stay in touch with other people as often as they seem to expect me to. I think the word "normal" covers a huge range of human behaviour.

I’ve just looked at my messenger and actually 20-30 messages a day is not that bad. It’s your friendship, you don’t need to modify it for anyone else.

I do the school run everyday with my friend and we ring and message sometimes too. That's because we share random stuff together. Then I message two ladies every day. One lives an hour away from me but we just click from meeting once. We have gone through a pregnancy at the same time. We have had another pregnancy each at seperate times. We just send messages back and forth everyday. Only a couple some days. It's rare for us to to go more than two days without talking in messages. She is like my bestie from far away. We have so much in common. We can't drive. Our birthdays are the same day. Our kids were born in the same months. If you are close then so what. Don't worry. Do what makes you happy lol xx

If you're both happy, I don't see what the problem is. I chat loads to some of my friends over text/WhatsApp and yes I do confide stuff in them that I wouldn't to my husband - that's what friends are for! No need to overthink it!

The thing is, it makes absolutely no difference if it’s too full on for me or any PP; we don’t have your life.

The fact you are asking seems to indicate you’ve been fine with it up to now but maybe you want to change it. If so, just do so. Tell her the texting is getting in the way of your real life and you need to cut back. Or don’t as the case may be. If you are completely happy with it, then it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks 🤷‍♀️

If it's not at the expense of sharing with your DH id not be concerned.

I have a female friend and we text multiple times throughout the day, and see each other once a week minimum (our kids do club together).

When I was in crisis s few months ago we'd be upwards of 100 messages a day back and forth. Now things are calm it's about 20/30.

That being said, I don't have the type of relationship with my mum where is ask her advice. So it's a child problem or something, I'll often reach out to my friend.

So yesterday for example, something came to a head with my DD. My friends been aware of the unfolding of it, and knows the other child and their mum. I brought her up to speed, took 50 messages.

I also never call people on the phone. So that feeds into the messaging.

I only speak to my DH, work colleagues and my boss on the phone. I'm odd.

OP, my only worry about it would be if it takes away closeness with DH.

For example if something important happened to you (getting that promotion / winning the lottery/ having your handbag stolen) who would you instinctively want to tell first?

Or if you had a chance to do something that both of them could enjoy (weekend away without kids; film you saw an advert for; party to go to), who would you instinctively want to do that with?

I think for certain activities or events, it might be natural to answer your friend, but if consistently, your answer is your friend, then sounds like your point of gravity has shifted a bit too much?

20-30 texts a day..!! how do you have time to go to work and live your life?

That sound very odd to me.

If it works for you, who cares?!

Unless your interaction with her is interfering with your other relationships, I can't see the issue at all. There are days where I message my close friends 20-30 times a day (admittedly not every day). It's lovely to have a friend like that! I have a really close female friend and I tell her stuff I don't tell DH, but only because he wouldn't be all that interested!

How long does it take someone to write a text? It took me 10 seconds to write these two lines... 20 texts a day, even longer ones, you're talking about 10-15 mins spread across an entire day. If you can't take 15 mins across a whole day and also have a job and a life, something is up!

It makes me a bit sad that this is unusual. I don’t have this, and I wish I did.

Just an ongoing conversation in the background, sending funny things I just thought of as well as having an actual text convo - sounds nice. Like having a real friend.

I think in these days of social media this is how people communicate ,in days gone by you would chat over the Garden fence go round for coffee etc ,but people have busy lives ,in my chat group it's often just every day chit chat , in jokes ,Mild teasing ,sometimes more serious stuff.

Sounds like your having an emotional affair (just kidding).

It's unusual (imvho) but if you're both happy, I don't see the problem.

We have such amazing and instant forms of communication now and yet we often find ourselves more distant from friends and family. If this works for the two of you, I think that's great.

I think it's absolutely lovely! Some people are just texters and chatty. I easily send 10 texts a day to about 10 different people! Very normal in my circle.