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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This isn’t normal is it?

90 replies

LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 09:12

I have a very good friend. Our husband’s work together and we just hit it off. We have been friends for about 3 years. We text all the time and see each other about 3 times a week. We text good morning and good night every day. We send around 20-30 messages every day, even if we see each other.
At the weekend I was talking to my sister in law and mentioned some of the above. She said that it’s not normal and my brother would be worried that she was having an affair if she had a friend like that! Having thought about it, she’s right, isn’t she? I can’t explain why it started or who started it but I know we both rely on each other being there. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
MonstranceClock · 13/01/2020 14:34

Me and my best friend speak everyday most of the day and see each other most evenings.

MonstranceClock · 13/01/2020 14:37

Some people don’t have a best friend, which is fine, but they don’t get that difference.

LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 15:56

To answer some of your questions- I don’t have a close relationship with my mum and neither of us have sisters.
I don’t think it impacts on family life - she has no DC and my two do their own thing most of the time. DC1 is 15 and mainly on his PC when he’s not studying or at Theatre group with me and DH. DC2 does sports which take a lot of Saturday. DH does that with him. When friend and I go out for dinner the boys (inc DH) have a curry night as I don’t eat spicy food.
DH doesn’t seem to mind - he jokes when she texts and calls her ‘Her Majesty’ as she has a Royal connected name.
I think I only questioned it because of the reaction from SIL. I had a chat about it with work colleague today and she thinks SIL is jealous??

OP posts:
LittlePinkHandbag · 13/01/2020 15:59

I haven’t posted about this before and I’m not sure what a reverse is?? (I’m not the SIL if that’s what it means)

OP posts:
msmith501 · 13/01/2020 16:01

Sounds perfectly fine to me. If you both enjoy each other's company / chats etc I don't see it's anyone's business but yours and your friend. Most people would like to have a friendship that could be relied on.

IckyIsAFuckingStupidWord · 13/01/2020 16:31

There was a post recently from someone who had a very very intense friendship with another woman. It got deleted in the end. That’s probably why people are asking if it’s been posted before etc.

Urkiddingright · 13/01/2020 16:34

I have had friends like this, never really seen an issue with it tbh. We just message each other about our issues or day to day goings on, never thought much about it before.

honeyloops · 13/01/2020 16:39

My two oldest friends and I are like this - some days if I'm busy and haven't messaged I'll come back to 40-50 unread messages, but it's WhatsApp so one individual idea might be over a few messages if you know what I mean? Like:

So
I just got Hannah from nursery
And you'll never guess who I saw

Rather than all as one message? I think this is a generational thing maybe... And for the people saying 'how do you get anything else done?!' - the three messages I typed above as an example took me... 15 seconds? So if you times that by 3 to get 30 messages, you're still only looking at a matter of a few minutes, or maybe ten minutes if you include reading replies. Hardly like she's hand carving messages on stone tablets and letting her children starve while she does it...!

Butterflyflower1234 · 13/01/2020 16:41

I don't think it's full on. If it works for you both then so be it. I've been part of what's app groups that send hundreds of messages a day.

Providing there's no issues if one of you are busy and can't respond then I see no harm.

CarolinaPink · 13/01/2020 16:44

Closer than my friendships but I can't see anything weird about it, from what you've said. I wish I had a friend as close as that. Carry on, ISTM. Doesn't matter was SIL thinks Smile

SilverySurfer · 13/01/2020 16:45

It sounds extreme to me but then I don't use social media and the last text I sent was two months ago.

I think you're right honeyloops it must be a generational thing. I'm in my 70s and would hate it.

ineedakickandagin · 13/01/2020 16:56

Sounds like a sisterly type thing, my sister and I would go through phases of this much messaging etc. You are lucky to have someone that gets you and you can be yourself to, other than dp.

Stifledlife · 13/01/2020 17:03

Before texting, an exchange of 20-30 statements was a 15 minute chat.
Would anyone think "I have a 15 minute chat with my friend every day" odd?

Mabelface · 13/01/2020 22:22

It's normal. Your normal.

stepitupjuan · 13/01/2020 23:08

This is highly excessive in my opinion but I'm an introvert who'd rather chat to the cat most days. When I do speak to friends it's deep or funny and always nourishing but very infrequent compared to your level of contact. Horses for courses.

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