Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH lost his job - again

91 replies

Iamboudicca · 12/01/2020 12:19

and I can’t bear to look at him I am so pissed off with him.

For context DH has had a very up and down working career and to be honest his attitude to working sucks. For the lat 10 years or so he has been self employed. He works contracts in a well paid sector and so has managed to maintain a reasonable income despite frequent periods of not working, but there is no long term security.

Finally, he decided to get a permanant job last autumn. It was well paid and as my job finished in December I had hoped to take a few months out to complete a project before looking for something else. Also I was taking on full responsibility for the kids pick ups, drop offs, childcare and the house to give him time to focus on the new job.

He has just been sacked, with 1 weeks notice in lieu. The reason he gave me is that the company have decided not to continue with the project he was hired for... however I can’t get over the fact that he spent most of December deciding to ‘work from home’ - not something he agreed with his manager first - due to some local public transport issues.

For clarity - we don’t live in the sticks. There are other means of getting from home to the office - just ones which are more inconvenient and a bit slower. It was still possible. I even offered to drive him to the other station, but he refused. My concerns (and those of his Dad who he listens to) that this was not going to be acceptable when he was so new in a role, were dismissed and eventually after I was accused of nagging I let him get on with it.

I also think thst he isn’t going to find it easy to get another job - he is 49 and has a whole list of jobs that have ended abruptly... I am also very concerned about his mental health - which he won’t admit is a problem.

I am now suddenly having to try and find the first full time job that comes along - which won’t pay half of what he was earning ( public sector)- putting my plans on hold and potentially putting my very young children into 12 hour a day child care 5 days a week. ( obviously he can look after them whilst at home but if he does get another job they will just have to manage ) i have been working part time since the youngest was born but I can't bear the uncertainty of relying on DH anymore.

I also don’t believe that our relationship has any long term future so I need to regain my financial independence.

Thank you if you made it this far, apologies for the general incoherance but I guess i really just need to rant. There are only a few people ai can sound off to IRL...

OP posts:

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 12/01/2020 12:22

It sounds like this one wasn't his fault though, I've recently been let go for similar reasons.

I can understand why you're stressed but if they didn't need him for the job they hired him for then I can't see how this is his fault.

Weffiepops · 12/01/2020 12:29

Sounds like he needs to hit rock bottom to really sort himself out. I would squirrel away some cash and get that job in preparation for leaving

Butchyrestingface · 12/01/2020 12:41

If he was sacked on the grounds of not turning up for work, surely they would have done so back in December?

letmebefrank · 12/01/2020 12:45

It sounds like he's lied about why he's been let go, as you and his own father suspect based on his behaviour and refusing to actually go in to work.

Think you're doing the right thing getting your own financial ducks in a row since the relationship seems doomed. Sorry, OP. Good luck.

category12 · 12/01/2020 12:54

Was he genuinely working in December or was he covering up losing the job? Seems very odd to refuse to travel in any other way/lifts to the station, etc.

VirtualHamster · 12/01/2020 12:59

I know tens of people who were laid off last week with 1 weeks notice due to uncertainty over a particular project they were working on. So his reason is feasible.

Remember we've just had a new government and a lot of projects now have an uncertain future.

NearlyGranny · 12/01/2020 13:02

I, too, suspect he was finished at the end of November and didn't tell you. If it turns out to be true, it will have been not to worry you in the run-up to Christmas or some such.

All your plans up in the air again. So sorry you're going through this. There's not even a lot of hope of him sticking with any job he finds next, I'd there? You may find yourself better off for not carrying him, too.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/01/2020 13:02

Lots of people get let go in the run up to year end. I don’t think this was his fault really. You know all the reports have said that the economy today is one where work/jobs are less secure. It is common for businesses to let people go when business is down. In the past they’d sacrifice profit and ride out low business out of loyalty to good employees. That doesn’t exist now. There are so many people willing to work that everyone is very very replaceable.
Stop being martyr saying you have to take the first full time job that comes along paying peanuts and putting children in 12hrs/ day child care. Really!
Just sit with DH go over your finances and both do some job hunting.
(My DH and our neighbour both lost their jobs in the run up to Christmas for similar reasons. My DH because the business combined offices into hubs and he could not travel to new hub. My neighbour because a project they had bid in did not get awarded to them so they had to let go of a sr project manager and team).

eminencegrise · 12/01/2020 13:03

Best to get a FT job and end the relationship. He won't change.

VirtualHamster · 12/01/2020 13:07

he is 49 and has a whole list of jobs that have ended abruptly

If he has been a self employed contractor, then turnover of jobs shouldn't really be an issue in finding a new one.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/01/2020 13:09

If he has been a self employed contractor, then turnover of jobs shouldn't really be an issue in finding a new one.

Excellent point. That’s how it goes when self employed. Too, by the time you reach 49 even if you never were a self employed contractor, anyone who has worked consistently as an adult will have a list of jobs that ended abruptly. That just comes with having worked 30+ years.

Moreisnnogedag · 12/01/2020 13:10

I think the ‘not required anymore’ was an excuse WhenISnappedAndFarted as the OP had previously warned him that this would be the outcome so he bullshitted some excuse that wasn’t his fault.

I can well imagine it would take a few weeks to get a replacement in situ and to then fire him. I can well imagine his manager gave him plenty of warning this was likely

I think the only thing you can do is get yourself in to a position that you can go it alone. It’s shitty though

motherheroic · 12/01/2020 13:12

@WhenISnappedAndFarted Well we can't be sure can we because he decided he would work from home when that wasn't the agreement with his employer. They could have just hired someone who could be bothered to show up for all we know.

VirtualHamster · 12/01/2020 13:13

Jeez, I hope some of my soon to be ex-colleagues have more understanding partners. Some were only taken on fairly recently, but the decision of who got notice was dependent entirely on the project they were hired for no longer going ahead, not performance at all.

Postmanbear · 12/01/2020 13:13

Sounds to me like they got fed up with him and fired him. I can see why you are so stressed and upset. 💐

Original poster

Iamboudicca · 12/01/2020 13:20

virtual I have been pretty understanding - for the last 10 years... ths is the final straw. DH has been let go more times than not in that period. Including quitting his best ever contract once I was pregnant.

Had he made the effort and still been let go I would be dealing with it very differently.

As to being a matryr for having to use full time child care. I know lots of people don’t have a choice. But also the reality is my 4 year old struggles with wraparound childcare and my profession involves long hours...

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 12/01/2020 13:26

My husband lost his job on Monday. Fuming isn't the word - but with his new employer, not him. They knew before Christmas but didn't want to ruin it, so let him know on his first day back....AFTER we'd enjoyed a lovely Christmas, spending a little more than we should because he was due to to a tonne of overtime in January.

He was given the same reason.

I think you're a bit out of order to be blaming him.

KatherineJaneway · 12/01/2020 13:26

Time to move on OP

Junie70 · 12/01/2020 13:33

Given the comments you made about him working from home in December, I'd say he was let go before Christmas.

I think you're very right to start looking for some independence. He sounds unreliable and a source of stress rather than comfort.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 12/01/2020 13:34

Has he failed probation?

It's difficult to tell whether you're being a bit unreasonable here, because he could be right, it's not unusual to be sacked in January sadly. Many companies hire in Q4 and then cut back in Q1. I take your point about the working from home in December, but he'd have been fired then if it was for not turning up, unless he has failed probation due his attitude and failing to come in, and that meeting was held last week.

I also don’t believe that our relationship has any long term future so I need to regain my financial independence.

That's the crux though.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/01/2020 13:34

As to being a matryr for having to use full time child care

That wasn’t what I said. It’s the my husband usually earns twice what I can, but because he keeps getting let go I’m forced to get the first full time job that comes along making half what he does and put the children in 12hr/day childcare five days a week. The whole picture you painted that is playing the martyr.

If he makes twice what you can on an hourly basis, even if he only works 6mos of the year, he’s making as much as you would in your FT job. It’s not smart to tell the high earner to just stay home and raise children so you can get a low paying FT job because you can’t stand the insecurity of him being a contractor. Being a self employed contractor means you get paid a higher wage in return for the jobs being less secure. That’s why you have savings to cover the time between jobs.

You won’t be any more financially secure going the way you want to. Unless he was working less than half the year, every year.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 12/01/2020 13:37

I think this would be a deal breaker for me.

Partly because I find a work ethic attractive.

But mostly because when you have children you have a responsibility to provide for them and it's pretty rubbish to continually put yourself in a position where the other parent has to pick up all the slack.

I know most people make mistakes but most people also learn from them. Continually getting sacked suggests a victim mentality / a personality where he blames everyone else for things that to wrong. Again, very unattractive

Original poster

Iamboudicca · 12/01/2020 13:37

plan that’s exactly why I have been the one doing part time/staying hime with the kids. It means I don’t have a pension ( and due to his contant ‘downtime’ neither does he) at least if I go back full time I can build that up and hopefully increase my earning potential inthe next 5 years

OP posts:

cuddlymunchkin · 12/01/2020 13:37

If you go full time working and he is full time carer for the kids, when you break up he will have a very good chance of getting the kids full time as he will be regarded as primary carer.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 12/01/2020 13:44

I work in HR and people can be let go for absolutely sod all particularly if they don't have long service.

I was recently asked to 'let someone go' because they refused to attend the christmas dinner with the directors, which seriously p'd them off. (other things too but that was the deciding factor) He had just under 2 years service.

I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that it was due to home working. If they didn't want him to work from home at the time they could have said so.

Flip

1 2 3 4