Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

DH lost his job - again

91 replies

Iamboudicca · 12/01/2020 12:19

and I can’t bear to look at him I am so pissed off with him.

For context DH has had a very up and down working career and to be honest his attitude to working sucks. For the lat 10 years or so he has been self employed. He works contracts in a well paid sector and so has managed to maintain a reasonable income despite frequent periods of not working, but there is no long term security.

Finally, he decided to get a permanant job last autumn. It was well paid and as my job finished in December I had hoped to take a few months out to complete a project before looking for something else. Also I was taking on full responsibility for the kids pick ups, drop offs, childcare and the house to give him time to focus on the new job.

He has just been sacked, with 1 weeks notice in lieu. The reason he gave me is that the company have decided not to continue with the project he was hired for... however I can’t get over the fact that he spent most of December deciding to ‘work from home’ - not something he agreed with his manager first - due to some local public transport issues.

For clarity - we don’t live in the sticks. There are other means of getting from home to the office - just ones which are more inconvenient and a bit slower. It was still possible. I even offered to drive him to the other station, but he refused. My concerns (and those of his Dad who he listens to) that this was not going to be acceptable when he was so new in a role, were dismissed and eventually after I was accused of nagging I let him get on with it.

I also think thst he isn’t going to find it easy to get another job - he is 49 and has a whole list of jobs that have ended abruptly... I am also very concerned about his mental health - which he won’t admit is a problem.

I am now suddenly having to try and find the first full time job that comes along - which won’t pay half of what he was earning ( public sector)- putting my plans on hold and potentially putting my very young children into 12 hour a day child care 5 days a week. ( obviously he can look after them whilst at home but if he does get another job they will just have to manage ) i have been working part time since the youngest was born but I can't bear the uncertainty of relying on DH anymore.

I also don’t believe that our relationship has any long term future so I need to regain my financial independence.

Thank you if you made it this far, apologies for the general incoherance but I guess i really just need to rant. There are only a few people ai can sound off to IRL...

OP posts:

LIZS · 12/01/2020 16:52

If he was wfh without permission he could have breached all sorts of conditions and policies of employment. He would probably have been given warnings and had meetings. Public sector rarely dismiss immediately unless gross misconduct, even in probationary period.

Original poster

Iamboudicca · 12/01/2020 17:01

Sorry I am the public sector person. DH is private...

OP posts:

lostsoulsunited · 12/01/2020 17:04

by the time you reach 49 even if you never were a self employed contractor, anyone who has worked consistently as an adult will have a list of jobs that ended abruptly. That just comes with having worked 30+ years.

Not necessarily, why would permanent jobs end abruptly? Permanent, contracted jobs usually only end when you hand your notice in.

lljkk · 12/01/2020 17:30

Permanent, contracted jobs = what is that?
I am always on temporary or fixed term contract jobs. I feel these are far more secure than being in a so-called permanent job. You know the money is allocated to you until a definite date.
I know people on 'permanent' jobs. They seem to have swords hanging over them as part of business as usual practices (ie, constant restructuring, cull of the unproductive b4 they get to 1 yr employed, business model redesigns, etc.)

What is a "permanent, contracted" job ? What does that mean?

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/01/2020 17:31

Not necessarily, why would permanent jobs end abruptly? Permanent, contracted jobs usually only end when you hand your notice in.

The context I was using was that “abruptly” includes the jobs that end where you hand your notice in as well as being made redundant orbthe business folding. This is because the OP was including the jobs her DH quit (including best ever contract when she was pregnant) under the umbrella of her list of abruptly ended jobs.

I tend to average a new job/company and office every 2yrs. If I extrapolate that over 30yrs...that’s a list of 15 jobs. And I have a great work ethic and am usually promoted at least once during those 2yrs.

Kay896 · 12/01/2020 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PlanDeRaccordement · 12/01/2020 17:33

Illjkk

I agree

I assumed when they wrote “permanent contracted” they mean a “permanent contract” because there is no such thing as a contracted/contractor job that is permanent.

But then people have been confusing permanent contracts with self employed contractor the whole thread through so no surprise there.

LadyLightning · 12/01/2020 17:50

It is hard to want to understand someone if you feel the relationship is over. So, you already have a challenge in that. He could be legit and this could be all not his fault, but you say there is a long pattern of him having a terrible work ethic. And I find people like that are often hard to be around for other reasons too. Take care of yourself, plan your exit strategy and encourage him to get some MH support - he may be depressed or something which is interfering with his ability to work.

EggysMom · 12/01/2020 17:57

I am now suddenly having to try and find the first full time job that comes along - which won’t pay half of what he was earning ( public sector)

I don't get why YOU have to do this, why can't HE try and find the first full-time job that comes along? If he has these skills and experience, then his 'first job that comes along" will pay at least the same if not more than yours.

coconuttelegraph · 12/01/2020 18:04

My DH has been a Contractor for 4 years and has never been let go or struggled to find a new contract

Contracting is just a way of working though it's not a type of job in itself, you can't possibly compare for example an IT contractor with a building contractor and assume that the availability of jobs and job security will be comparable.

I totally understand your frustration OP, is it a relationship deal breaker for you?

Didiusfalco · 12/01/2020 18:30

@Iamboudicca you’ve posted about him before? This sounds familiar. Is this the dh who keeps alienating people in his industry? If it is then absolutely get a full time job and leave him. He’s a nightmare and it won’t get better.

SweetPetrichor · 12/01/2020 18:57

Could you work full time and have him do part time and cover some of the childcare, then you wouldn't need to have your children in childcare for so long, and with you in the prime earning spot you have more confidence in home income. Having the man in the primary income earner spot doesn't necessarily work for everyone.

RealBecca · 12/01/2020 19:05

If you genuinely think he's been sacked again through his own fault then kick him out. At least you'd get benefits

elessar · 13/01/2020 09:48

OP I understand your frustration although it's hard to completely judge without having his side of the story.

Do you have to stay public sector? Would your skills not transfer to a better paid private sector job?

HolesinTheSoles · 13/01/2020 10:01

A job ending abruptly clearly indicates that it was unexpected not when the contract expired. People are deliberately nit picking. Clearly OP has picked up issues with her DH's work ethic and his ability to maintain employment.

bgmama · 13/01/2020 11:05

Why are you saying that you've been working part-time since your youngest was born while in another thread you said that you were a SAHM up until a year ago? If you 've been a SAHM, you can go full-time now and take full financial responsibility for your family while your DH becomes a SAHP. You both may be better in your new roles.

Flip

1 2 3 4