I think we currently live in a time where in terms of rights, equal pay, freedoms etc a lot will say women have never had it so good as they have it now. However we are all aware that things are still not equal and that indeed we still have a long way to go for things to ever truly be equal.
We also live in a time when it has never been so easy as it is now for men to have a steady stream of women to meet. Online dating, hook up sites, webcam and porn....it’s a huge candy shop of casual sex possibilities. Because of this, there is very little motivation for a man to grow up settle down and accept responsibility, since it so easy to just meet someone else and on and on it goes.
The dynamics of life has changed so much for women, we are now expected to have a career, have a family, have a successful and equal relationship. For so many women it’s a nice ideal to have, but a hard reality to find in practice. We are told we can have it all, but having it all is hard to find especially in an environment of such competition and it is a competition. Your competing with a host of women who are just a click away who will accept less and put up with more, or who are just fantasy versions of sex goddesses dancing naked on the pages of some dodgy website. So now we are supposed to be independent and financially independent, be educated and earn a good living or have a career, be good mothers and caregivers, and sexy shaved minxes in the bedroom. That maybe an extreme but if you look at it in black and white, it’s a situation that definitely exists.
What has changed for men? Well they are now expected to share the domestic burden in the home and to take equal parental responsibility and do childcare, so settling down is less attractive to a man than it has ever been, and staying single or in serial casual relationships has never been easier.
I don’t for a moment doubt that there are wonderful men out there who want an equal and loving committed relationship, who want children and are willing to stick around and actually have more than just a hand in raising them. These men exist, but how many are there, they are certainly in the minority. When you compare the amount of these good men to the amount of women who want to find them they are definitely outnumbered.
So when you consider the above and the fact that at some point in most women’s lives we want a child, is it any wonder so many end up having that child with a man who is less than perfect. I’m not saying it’s right, but that it’s what happens.
Of course in a perfect world every woman would instantly dump any man who didn’t measure up, or who raised a red flag, or whatever. They would wait and hope to find that one good man, stay with him long enough to ensure he really is good and isn’t going to turn into and abuser, cheater, drug/gaming addict, alcoholic etc. Then settle down, get married (because we must do this to ensure we are protected), get to a point of being financially secure, own a house, have the children we’ve waited and saved for, make sure we can financially and emotionally provide for without expecting any benefits from the state. All the while we must also be saving into a run away fund to be on the safe side so we can ensure we are not screwed and can look after ourselves and our children if indeed for any reason the man turns out to be a bastard in the end anyway. Yes it’s sensible, and yes it’s always good to be prepared, but it’s a lot to expect of women, who expects it of a man???