To be permanently skint, despite being on a good salary?

[cherriesandapplesandberries]

On paper, we have a good combined income of around £85,000, although it varies slightly and can even go up to around 90 on a good year.

But we seem to be permanently skint, and I don’t mean not much money, I mean absolutely nothing in the bank accounts, scrabbling round for loose change, stressing about how we will get to work, skint. This isn’t a begging thread by the way, I know sometimes people post on MN wanting others to offer them money and I don’t, I’m just trying to explain how it is.

We do have debts, loans and credit cards plus obviously the mortgage, childcare fees, cars which cost then obviously the needs of a growing family.

I know back when I was a young ‘un I’d have fallen about laughing at the idea my current salary isn’t enough to live on, but I just seem to be struggling all of the time!

Great to ask 30 people if you can afford everything else and sleep well when thinking you might neeed to replace your boiler or roof.

However if it’s 30 people at the party and that means you worry about finding an emergency......well it’s not worth it is it.

There’s a difference between celebrating a birthday and giving a child a great time and 30 people to an expensive party. We all know that. And we all know that even if we are invited to such things we don’t reciprocate invexactly the same kind when we can’t afford it and it puts us in a weak position.

Only a wally who is totally swayed by what people think and are sure we are only judged on what we spend does this. Only a wally can’t see there is a choice to be made.....that we choose the party for 30 when we have enough put by for the end of month and for that period of no job or ill health which could happen, and if finding things right have a party for 8 and make the car last another year.

But I don’t think you’re a wally and do think you know the difference.

Disorganised Then you need to complain to their parents if they do that. DS never had a whole class party

Then Disorganised you console your child and say that not everyone is invited to all parties ..like the rest of NORMAL society

If you have a spare room have you thought of hosting students? It's a fairly decent amount of pay and you can choose how often you have them. You could also consider a Monday to Friday lodger.

It's a bit of extra income that could help pay off a chunk of debt, and friends who host language students really enjoy it and say the children benefit.

You don’t have to have a birthday party for your child just because they go to a few . That’s madness . My son didn’t have a birthday party last year . He was still invited to his friends’ parties. I don’t think you understand party etiquette.

It never happened from preschool until currently y3. Maybe because they got used to the fact that she has always had small parties.

Haven't read the thread but check out Dave Ramsey on insta and elsewhere b..very American but shows many examples of massive debt reduction ..worth a look

Don’t make yourself poor trying to look rich .

@purpletigers fantastic comment. Super to quote.

I don’t think Disorganised seriously thinks she has to host 30 kids because some others have.

We know that as adults we choose and spend within our means and teach our children the same. We know our value and theirs doesn’t come from how much we spend on others don’t we Disorganised?

I think Disorganised is enjoying doing what Op did in a more blatant way. She probably won’t directly answer what I say but make general remarks to fuel the shock she creates and not engage in genuine discussion.

Or if its true, not a great future for those kids with big parties, expensive hobbies but no money at end of month or money for a new boiler.

Don’t make yourself poor trying to look rich totally agree. Too many people not happy with the lot they have, too bloody busy trying to be something they are not

one thing that we noticed from keeping track of the spending was how going to the shop for a loaf of bread never ended up being just a loaf of bread - other things 'fell into' the basket on the way round, and we'd spend a fiver instead of a pound - and that adds up.

This is so true! We never spend less than a fiver in any supermarket, even if we've only popped in for milk. I reckon it would be cheaper to go to the corner shop and pay more for the milk, tbh.

And going food shopping when I'm hungry is really bad for the budget. I come out having spent £50, and only have 2 dinners to show for it. The rest of the money goes on snacky things that just look appealing because I'm hungry.

Ok then Wombat, to reply to you specifically, yes I do think I have to host 30 kids. As I have said repeatedly. What I think is awful is having a party for say 15 kids then having to explain to the other 15 why they didn’t get an invite. Value doesn’t come from how much you spend but it does show that you don’t value a friendship if you don’t bother to invite someone to a party. Have a big party or none at all. Plus siblings always want to come and I am not going to be the shitty person who says no.

I have a few friends who have been completely screwed when their boiler breaks and have had to add it on to their credit card.

Hobbies provide transferable skills for adult sports etc that if they don’t learn now will be ten times harder to learn as adults. I am by no means the only mum at my kids’ school who thinks like this.

"Having" to invite 30 kids is ridiculous, just like when people cite "work collections" as a necessary expense!

You know you don't HAVE to put money in those envelopes when someone leaves? I put money in about 5% of the time, when it's my close friends leaving. Stop trying to keep up with what you think other people's expectations are.

You really, really do have to put into work collections! Unless you want to look like an evil person.

You really, really do have to put into work collections!

I'm sorry but that is stark raving mad. Most of the time no-one even sees what you do with the envelope. You seem to care far too much what other people think of you, and want to provide for people because it's what you "must" do.

It's not rude and no-one cares. I sign the envelope and pass it on. Clearly many people do, because usually reception say the collection only got about £5 and they have to top it up with petty cash.

*sign the card

No disorganised doesn't see the difference between choice and essentials because items are described as extravagances but also essentials. A pub lunch every week is not needed if you're in debt nor are expensive birthday parties. £450 is just ridiculous (the only think I spent that much on was my wedding dress!).

It’s actually really sad that people have been conditioned to think like disorganised

You don’t have to keep up with the the Jones’ all the time

You don’t have to reciprocate in kind to every kids party

You don’t have to have expensive hobbies

People like her and the OP seem to just want some kind of group validation thread that it’s perfectly fine to do all this

If you can’t afford it, it’s just really stupid

Can people not read? I posted about the birthday party, not OP. And yes, I do view it as essential. £15 ish per head for a party is standard. Have to reciprocate all invitations so a huge number of children.

This is just madness imo. What on earth do parents on really low incomes, eg min wage + universal credit, do? Do their kids not go to parties, or do they just not reciprocate?

Still laughing at the fact it's "evil" to not put £5 in a card for someone I've never even spoken to who's moving on to a better paid job than mine!

Lucky I don't care what people think of me, or I'd also be up to my eyeballs in debt - I used to work at a company where someone left every 2 weeks.

LakieLady they aren't trying to live champagne lifestyles on house white budgets.

@DisorganisedOrganiser

1 you don’t have to put into leaving collections
2 you don’t have to have the whole class to a party
3 £15 is not normal.

OP has had a hard time here. Can she say if she's had any help at all from this thread?