My children are wrecking my mental and physical health.

[Boredbumhead]

I'm a single mum with no help or support where I live. Their dad lives 2 hrs away. We split because of his controlling nature and mental and financial abuse.

However my two boys are 8 and 4 and they are grinding me into the floor. They won't sleep before 9 and bedtime involves endless stress and fuss. Tonight for instance the youngest refused to wee before bed. They often fight with each other. I work full time but never get to go out to an excercise class or socialize. Unless I'm constantly on it with on tap activity and entertainment, they just want to watch shitty YouTube clips of loud Minecraft gamers (the oldest) or Peppa pig (the youngest) and wake me with that shit blaring at 7am. They won't just sit and play with toys. They don't respect my authority and constantly test my boundaries. They refuse to get ready for school on time in the week. I have to dress them both like babies. Their dad is little help. I feel like going to get ill at this rate. They moan and tantrum if they don't want to do something or as soon as I turn off the tech. I love them to bits of course. But I'm tolerating them and not enjoying them just now.

Bless you, you sound utterly frazzled

Do you have any options that would work within your financial/ support network? You basically sound like you need headspace above anything else right now but I don’t want to suggest anything that’s just impossible for you to achieve.

Turn off wifi overnight. No tv or youtube before school. When do you start bedtime routines? Are they getting enough sleep?

I take my hat off to you. Single parenting is hard. I'm currently on my bed waiting for my almost 5 year old to sleep. It's a nightmare most nights if she hasn't been at school. On a school night she does sleep but her two year old brother is another story!

I often dress my eldest for school purely because she's lazy in the mornings. It's frustrating and slows us down massively.

I often get told by the older generation they wouldn't of got away with that. It makes me feel like a lazy shit mum.

I honestly think kids are all to an extent the same. Yes I know some are good. But I think the authority is no longer there. Most mums I know say the same. The kids never bluddy listen. I just want to say you are not alone! X

The Incredible Years course is offered by most local authorities and can help address a lot of this. I did it, and while it was hard, DH was on board and we changed our whole relationship with our DD in 3 months.

Thanks Fuzzyhair89 it makes me feel better that I'm not alone x

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment. I am afraid I don't have anything wise to say as I am a SM so didn't have all of what you are saying constantly, but know you will get lots of good advice and support on here. If I knew how to send those flowers I would. But I don't so I can't. Have a virtual hug instead x

Try this book

How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1848123094/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_M3JgEbA937EFC?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I’m sure you don’t have much time to read but it’s worth giving this a go and it might help. I was wincing within pages about how I could have handled things better in the past, still haven’t had time to get even half way through but I’ve made small changes that have made a difference already.

@Confrontayshunme how do I find that course in my area?

@Boredbumhead I think it depends on your area but I know here school can refer you or health visitor.

It's shit and your not alone.

Another recommendation for the how to talk so kids will listen book. It turned my relationship with my eldest right round, and by changing how I spoke and reacted really improved her behaviour and attitude.

You have my sympathy OP. I found my ds now 16 and 14 very difficult when they were younger. Every day I would be determined that I wasn’t going to lose my cool with them and every day I did. It gets b

Thanks @Bornlazy what's your relationship like with them now? I worry that I've ruined our relationship by losing my shit too much... Usually at bed time when Im on my knees and just want to sit downstairs alone.

Sorry posted too soon.... it gets better eventually. Hang in there.

Turn off WiFi

Only give code if they do what you ask,

Being a single mum is so exhausting and insanely difficult. I was the same with my 2 when I was on my own with them for 6 years.

You are also recovering from an abusive relationship, as I was, and you don’t get any space to heal. It’s TOUGH.

Can you afford a babysitter for an afternoon every weekend? You need a break. The rest will be much more manageable afterwards.

I’m in the same boat OP I feel like a wreck. Things do change - you should have some relief at some point as they grow- I hope.

Echoing all of above ( I had that book , and my 2 are in their 20 s now , another good one is raising boys , but I don’t remember the author )
Turn WiFi off at 6pm
In the morning it’s either radio 2 or bbc breakfast news

Op I feel your pain, my 2 are 4 and 7 and still up crying and winging about sleeping on their own, it's like musical fucking beds and I've tried EVERYTHING, sorry no help but your definitely not alone 🍷

Can you get any help from a children's centre or other organization? Something like Home Start, but for older children? It could always be worth chatting to social services - they won't do anything like take your children; they'll just talk you through local support services or groups for single Mum's etc. Don't struggle on with no help.

Hi first, huge amounts of , it is so incredibly hard and exhausting. I would totally recommend what Confront says about the Incredible Years - or some other similar structured parenting programme that you can follow to give you back boundaries, a sense of parental authority, some sense of yourself in amidst the chaos etc, hopefully with proper support to help you put it into practice (because it's really hard to do on your own). On the very big plus side - you're recognising it now when your kids are (relatively) little, we had to do it later (struggled on for longer stupidly) and it's harder every year they're older and have got used to it being their way. It doesn't sound like you would be able to get their dad to back up any changes you make which will also make it harder but it would still be worth doing I think - they'll hopefully get used to the fact that there are golden rules at your house regardless of what dad says. Also, setting firm boundaries around wifi is so much easier at this age - you can negotiate later or they can earn more etc but it'll be so much harder to set that up in a few years time. Lots of good wishes, parenting is beyond difficult now I think, comparatively it must have been a breeze before phones, tablets, round the clock tv, social media etc!!!

Raising boys by Steve Biddulph

I have three under six and am a single parent in similar circumstances
It is unrelenting and overwhelming

Hang on in there
For the first time in a month all of mine have been asleep by 9pm so I feel your pain.
Someone told me that they are so naughty for me because they know how much they are loved. I try to remember that but it is hard and I have cried many tears silently and alone while trying to settle one of them.

Nothing good to add sorry but you are not alone 💐

I have boys the same age and they drive me crazy too! The only thing that works for me is restricting screentime. Put passwords on so they can't use it or lock the room unless they do their chores and get ready without fussing. I know it's supposed to be bad parenting to use screentime as a reward but it works and just get through the day?

Also, some kids are easier than others! I know this because my other child is well behaved and reasonable! So don't think it's because you're a bad mum. You just got two fiery ones. Hopefully it'll pay off in later years when they use that energy for good somehow.

You’re awesome. My husband will be away for three nights this week and already I’m dreading it. Looking after kids at that age is SO hard by yourself. So start by realising you’re s a amazing.

I don’t have any advice, because I’m clueless. But just to sympathise.

I guess.....it does sound like you might have to brace yourself and let it get harder for a few days so that you can make it better? Screen time is so tempting, but it does always end up making life worse. I think you might have to take other people’s advice and limit it. We don’t allow it between 9-5 here, but even so my 6-year-old is grumpy and hard work at 7.00 after 2 hours.

Lock the room with the screens I mean, not lock the children in their room!