Tell me it gets better, please

[Duggeeismysaviour]

I have a wonderful boisterous just turned 2 year old, and a 6 week old. I know I'm massively lucky to have two healthy kids.

It has been the day from hell. Dh incapacitated unwell, and I have been basically firefighting since 4am. Running from room to room, prioritising tasks that leave me (wee, drink, wash my sweaty self) at the bottom. I'm sick of the sound of my own voice as dc1 pushes the boundaries. I am trying so hard with dc1, to continue giving him the love and attention and opportunities he got before (and yes, he gets lots of tv time now too, I'm no martyr here!)

This isn't a poor me thread, as I know I have so much support and others have it way harder

But I have just had enough. I would never ever let any harm come to dc2, but right now I feel like I have nothing more to give and I resent her a little bit. She is EBF on demand (my choice) and bloody hell now I just cannot get away, even for a short while. Pumping is so far down the list as I can't ever get around to sterilising and setting it up. She is such an innocent little thing but she gives nothing back (of course) and along with her big brother, had taken every last drop of my reserves, both physically and mentally. Once dc1 is in bed, I feel like what's the point, I might as well go off to a dark room to try and get her to sleep as she is over tired and exhausted. I have no energy to even care that my day to day existence is currently shitty. I think its the 24h nature of it all, I want to scream as I will be feeding her every 2h throughout the night.

So tell me, AIBU to wonder why the hell we got ourselves into this situation? Honestly, I can't mentally take her back now I know she exists, but AIBU to wish I could go back in time and stop this much wanted dc2 from entering the picture before I even knew of her? I feel awful for saying this. I feel even more awful that I feel like grandparents all love her more than I do, they just come over and coo and idolise her (they help a lot too).

Tell me it gets better

(ps not PND, just exhausted and had a bad day)

My friend always said that if she’d been given a big red button after DC2 and had been told that if you press this button you’ll go back to one child and have no memory of the second - she’d have pushed that button on more than one occasion.

It definitely does get better. Much better. Just hang in there. Look after yourself as much as you can. Sleep EVERY SINGLE TIME you get a chance. And soon you will be out the other side. I promise.

It gets better, I promise. My two eldest are 18 months apart and best friends. They're 6 and 7 now, thick as thieves. They share the same interests going places is easy as it's usually age appropriate for both of them. They play together and while they fight like only siblings can, they love each other just as fiercely. Sleepless nights and nappies all out of the way at once (until DC3 came along!). They're both at school and it makes childcare for work so much easier and cheaper.

But when you're in the midst of it, it's hellish. It's the hardest thing I've ever done. DC2 was very unwell as a baby, which added to stress. As they both get older it will get easier. As DC2 begins sleeping for longer stretches you will be able to cope a little better. Just keep going, you're doing a great job.

(And before anyone tells you to be grateful for what you had - I went through infertility for three years and suffered many miscarriages before and after DC1 and 2. Just because it's bloody hard doesn't make you ungrateful.)

It does get better. 3 under 3 here. All you have to do at the minute is keep them alive. Keep number 1 entertained. Number 2 fed and changed and down to sleep. Get your partner to take over and rest if you can. Go easy on them and of course yourself

It does, I promise, it gets better. Do you have a sling for the baby? I found that a Godsend with my youngest that wouldn't be put down. Left my hands free to deal with everything else. That and a vibrating bouncy chair.

Don’t worry! It’s shit
Dd1 was about 18 months when dd2 came along.
From experience with friends I might have it a bit easier as I have girls, but still... it’s hard, it’s exhausting and I regretted it every day.
Dd2 is now 10 months and it’s a mix of harder and easier; they play nicely sometimes which is GREAT and they love each other so much. But sometimes dd1 is a bit rough and obviously now dd2 is into everything- ARGH!
People assure me within the next year it will be easier and continue to do so.
Do what you can, tv is still on A LOT here. Both are happy and healthy.
Going out is another level of anxiety, so take them to places you know and feel supported.
You will hear a lot of screaming and crying from whichever one you aren’t paying attention to, try to give the toddler as many “jobs” as possible and try not to stress if the baby is telling you off (impossible I know).
That first day in a few months time when you put them both to bed and enjoy a glass of wine is worth it!

Ahh give yourself a break, it hard so hard going from one to two it takes everyone time to adjust. Its so overwhelming trying to be there for both children and all their needs.

I remember it was like a hamster wheel for first while after dd2 was born, but slowly everything falls into place.

It gets better. Being so close in age they will be really good friends (mine are).

If you can do anything, do try to express as much as you can in the morning (that is when you have the most milk usually). Then ask your DH to give the baby a bottle around 11-12, just before he goes to bed. With any luck, it will give you about 4-5 hours sleep between 9/10pm and 1am/2am. Was an absolute life saver for me....

Small age gap is bound to be hard. Be kind to yourself and lower your expectations

It will get better.
This may sound weird, but try not to fight it, submerge yourself and I know it’s difficult but try to enjoy it.
It will pass very quickly.

It gets easier in some ways. But it changed. Mine are 4 3/4 and just 2. It's easier now because

Ones at school
No more night feeds or day feeds!
Past the needing to be held all day stage.

But now it's early starts and mischief.

My house is abit messier than I'd like. But other than that we cope.

Advice is get out for a walk. Take the toddler to a park even if it's for ten minutes. When you get back hopefully both will be calmer. Then you can have a coffee in peace. There is absolutely nothing worse than being home all day with kids. On the occasional day we don't go out, it's hell!!

Once baby feeds less I think you will feel better. It's hard having broken sleep. Mine was nearly 3 when her brother was born so slightly less mischievous. But I do remember feeling I couldn't give either enough. It's alot easier now they both play independently.

Keep going. Maybe some new activities for the toddler? Also spring gives us all abit more opportunity to go out. I for one can't wait to feed the ducks and go to the parks etc again! Winter's abit grim with little kids

Was where you are a year ago and honestly it nearly broke me. It (very gradually) got better. Honestly this is so tough and you have a bit to go but you're doing great. Any help you can get, take it don't say no!!!!!

For me it got better around 12 weeks when EBF newborn started stretching out gaps between feeds.
They're now nearly 3 and 17 months old and it is so easy and they are seriously cute together.
It will get better.

It gets better I promise. Mine are now 12 and 9 and tonight they cleared the kitchen up after dinner (not perfectly, but pretty darn good), then kissed me goodnight and took themselves to bed early as both were really tired. It honestly doesn't seem very long ago at all that they were babies and I felt exactly the same as you. And don't worry, it gets remarkably better WAY sooner than 9 and 12, but this was just my example! Hang on in there, the best times are just around the corner.

A small thing: she’s 6 weeks. Any minute now she’s going to give you something back and you’ll get smiles.

As for the rest, yes, it’ll get easier.

What's wrong with their father?

It does get better.
And it is worth it.

Mine (now 13yo and 11yo) spent most of the Christmas Holidays playing lego interspersed with the odd hour of mario-kart. Hours and hours just hanging out together.

It is hard at first but things improve quickly. All you can do is tough it out, you know this.

My children are 2 and 4 now and they are lovely most of the time. They even play together and leave me alone from time to time. I can see how much they each get from the other's existence and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. You'll get there

I have a 23 month old ds and an 11 week old dd, ebf too, so I completely get you! Ds needs so much attention, and entertainment, and dd just needs me constantly. Dh has been down with the flu this week, and by god it's been hard work. There are little moments that make it worth it though. Ds adores his baby sister, and shes brought out a kind affectionate side to him that we hadn't really seen before. Its lovely. She just lights up when she sees him too. I'm on my knees tired, but I'm sure it will get better! It has to, right?

It totally gets better. The first year with two is the worst. Can the grandparents have the eldest for a day a week? Even part of a day. Just having some time alone with the baby will make all the difference.
This stage was the absolute hardest of my life but I'd love to see them little again.

Mine are 2 and 4 now. It definitely gets easier! I was thinking back to January 2018, with a 2 month old baby and a 2 year old and I basically cried when my DH left for work every morning. Yes we still have good and bad days, and things are definitely chaotic, but it’s nothing like those early days!

It’s so hard in the beginning with two children, it will get easier and will get better. It is so hard adjusting two having two needy children. I hated the first six month of having two children but now I find it so much easier. Just imagine in two years time when you are at dreaded soft play you can sit and have a coffee while the two siblings play together without you traipsing behind them. It will get easier when your sick too they will play with each other while you sit and recover, it’s so hard now but things will get so much easier and much better.

It is relentlessly exhausting, just take a moment for yourself when you can (on good days) and remember on bad days that it does get easier.

3 years between our 2, they're 6 and 3. Certainly gets easier as they get older. They're watching TV whilst I drink wine, they are obviously way more autonmous.

How to get through it? Lower your standards, sleep when you can, don't try and be super mum and meet any Insta standards!

Even just standing outside breathing the night air on your own is a break and will do you good!

Brutal, I know

God yes it does get better. And easier. I tandem fed for eight months and it took me about 18 months to feel anything like myself again in some ways! Dc are now 7 and 9 and they are really joyful wee things to have around.