Tell me it gets better, please

[Duggeeismysaviour]

I have a wonderful boisterous just turned 2 year old, and a 6 week old. I know I'm massively lucky to have two healthy kids.

It has been the day from hell. Dh incapacitated unwell, and I have been basically firefighting since 4am. Running from room to room, prioritising tasks that leave me (wee, drink, wash my sweaty self) at the bottom. I'm sick of the sound of my own voice as dc1 pushes the boundaries. I am trying so hard with dc1, to continue giving him the love and attention and opportunities he got before (and yes, he gets lots of tv time now too, I'm no martyr here!)

This isn't a poor me thread, as I know I have so much support and others have it way harder

But I have just had enough. I would never ever let any harm come to dc2, but right now I feel like I have nothing more to give and I resent her a little bit. She is EBF on demand (my choice) and bloody hell now I just cannot get away, even for a short while. Pumping is so far down the list as I can't ever get around to sterilising and setting it up. She is such an innocent little thing but she gives nothing back (of course) and along with her big brother, had taken every last drop of my reserves, both physically and mentally. Once dc1 is in bed, I feel like what's the point, I might as well go off to a dark room to try and get her to sleep as she is over tired and exhausted. I have no energy to even care that my day to day existence is currently shitty. I think its the 24h nature of it all, I want to scream as I will be feeding her every 2h throughout the night.

So tell me, AIBU to wonder why the hell we got ourselves into this situation? Honestly, I can't mentally take her back now I know she exists, but AIBU to wish I could go back in time and stop this much wanted dc2 from entering the picture before I even knew of her? I feel awful for saying this. I feel even more awful that I feel like grandparents all love her more than I do, they just come over and coo and idolise her (they help a lot too).

Tell me it gets better

(ps not PND, just exhausted and had a bad day)

I've never seen a thread that describes my situation any better than yours! DC1 is 18 months and DC2 is 3 months! Physically I'm not finding it too stressful as both sleep through the night but mentally I'm still finding it hard to adjust I sometimes wish I could turn back the clock.. I know that's an awful thing to say!

OP, you’re not alone in feeling the way you do. I have a 4 year old and 18 week old also EBF as has an allergy and refuses the bottle with prescription formula. It’s so very tough and relentless! I, actually we, after we had DS2 kept saying to each other “what have we done?” I also have friends who have had their second child around the same time as me and we have all said that if we knew it was going to be THIS HARD we wouldn’t have tried for a second. I don’t feel that way now as much now, we still don’t have a routine as such, but I’m kinder to myself and think you should be kinder to yourself too - you had a baby six weeks ago! You’re still recovering, probably don’t know what day it is and you’re in survival mode.

I’m not sure about your financial situation and I know you mentioned you’ve got support, but would finding a nursery or childminder at least one day a week for your two year old help? Or a family member having him once a week/fortnight to try and take some of the pressure off? It’s something I was going to do, nursery a day a week, but as I’m the only one who can feed him we’ve not been able to do that. I wanted a day where I can rest, not necessarily sleep when baby sleeps, but watch TV, read a book, have a coffee etc.

Other things I’m doing which help:

1. Buy everything prepared if you’re cooking (chopped carrots, frozen chopped garlic, onions, boxed salad, cooked chicken etc ).
2. Kids ready meals. Annabel Karmel do some you can whack in the microwave.
3. Adult ready meals - doesn’t need to be unhealthy. Also a company called Cookfood.net do home made frozen ready meals and new parents get 10% off. We’ve had them before and ordered again. Really easy and they do kids versions too. I find portions big, so one meal would do your 2 year old twice it an adult meal for two would also do your 2 year old. There’s also nothing wrong with egg or beans on toast!
4. Online shopping
5. Use a travel mug for coffee or tea as stays hot for longer.
6. Hide in the toilet for 10 mins when partner is home reading mumsnet. My downstairs loo is my favourite place 😂

I agree with a poster about finding a mobile hairdresser, it’ll help you feel more you.

Don’t forget, 6 weeks, it’s new to you all. Good luck x

I feel you. I've got a 5 YO and a 7 month old and I've just joined a gym with a crèche for the sole purpose of getting alone time for a few hours a week. I may not even do any exercise

Oh goodness, I get this completely! My oldest was 2 1/4 when our youngest came along and the first few days/weeks/months were just awful. I hated myself for wondering what an earth we'd done, and I loved them both so much but we were all just walking disasters. But it really does get so much better. By 4 months things were looking up. By 10 months I felt like we'd started to find our (chaotic!) groove and have some fun, and now we're at 16 months, I've suddenly realized that I feel like a bit of a weight has lifted. Our youngest boy is getting more and more enjoyable, he's giving so much more back these days and the days no longer drag. They play together a lot (not always peacefully ) and for the first time in a while I truly feel just so happy. But it is so incredibly, incredibly hard in the early days, feeling so spread thin and in my case, so lonely and overwhelmed. But you're doing it! And in no time at all you won't regret this at all, I promise. The early days are an investment. Just keep swimming. It will get better