To ask what you are supposed to do

[drspouse]

DS has an EHCP.
It's not very good and we have a tribunal coming up.
He has some challenging behaviour. We admit this and we are doing our best.
He moved school in Sept after we looked at 8 new schools, including 4 special schools.
The new school has just permanently excluded him. They have not tried all the suggestions of EP, OT etc and we know this is illegal but it doesn't help with the fact that he now has no school.
They are suggesting he goes to the PRU. I'm sure it's very nice but he has only just started to settle at the new school.
He's 8, in year 3, and loves to play with his teddies. We were told some of the older children at the SEMH schools we looked at had pulled knives on teachers. If there's any child like that at the PRU it will break him.
We both work, I've just been told I can't reduce my hours any further and DH has just started a secondment which will be for a year. The PRU has no after school club. We both have meetings at any/every hour of the working day. Giving up either of our jobs is not an option.
So we can't HE (and we don't want to, and we shouldn't have to, and it would be awful for DS).
What are parents of a child with SEN actually supposed to do? Is the idea that we are both supposed to sit at home with our child and keep him away from other children/schools/the public? Are we not supposed to work? Is the country going to pay us our (fairly high, which is partly why we aren't giving up work) salary for not working?
Note before you suggest it: yes we know we can look at out of area schools. We did, they are included in the ones above. We live quite rurally. We can't move (I have tried to move jobs for years). But we need school for DS NOW. Not in 6 months time after we've moved/fought for a private school place (there are none suitable anyway)/I've lost my job.

[drspouse]

@OrangeSamphire thank you. This is NOT a "tell me the law or tell me to give up work" post. This is a "people think they can just break the law and not educate my child" post.

[Mrshue]

www.ipsea.org.uk/permanent-exclusions

Ok. So here it says you can ask for an independent review? Have you done so?

So you’d of rather he hadn’t of played the computer games to start with? Just trying to understand

[mumwon]

the question as stated is why your son has problem & how can he be helped - ie diagnosis & (educational, social) treatment. Op has dc had problems like this from infancy or has he changed ie difficulty in school, playgroup or nursery or (& you have mentioned childcare issues) with nanny before school age. How did this become apparent? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to -this is because I am concerned & from my experiences with dc I cant help but wonder about him having difficulty with communication/understanding/hearing loss whether social/emotional consequences or frustration - I have seen some dc who have complex family backgrounds with issues & some with disabilities but ...

[drspouse]

@spanieleyes we know this. Read what I've said about our jobs and DS mental health.

[Fr0g]

Do you mean the school should have an attitude transplant or your DS? Sorry. I'm really not trying to be goady here. I am trying to understand.

Or the OP needs an attitude transplant.

[drspouse]

@Mrshue They chose to use the game as a reward. They really should have worked out how hard he found it to stop - it wasn't the first time.

[Stann86]

You haven't answered though a point raised by so many of us. Why do you feel the needs of your child take precedence over the other 29 students in the class? Clearly it is not the appropriate environment for your sons needs. I am a teacher. I have been hit directly (or been involved) by students on 3 occasions (mainstream) and my school (secondary) has called the police on each occasion and the child permanently excluded the child regardless of SEN status. Like your child I have rights too - the right not to be abused in my role and to be physically assaulted. If my head had not excluded these students I wouldn't have felt valued and would have certainly found a new job elsewhere.

[drspouse]

@Fr0g so that I'm not expecting schools to follow the law, you mean?

[twolittleboysonetiredmum]

How many hours does the EHCP cover? Is it equivalent to full time?

[10brokengreenbottles]

I'm sorry to hear the new school didn't work out. I don't have any additional advice, but I know how difficult it is. The lack of SEN provision is staggering.

We have spoken before under another name, I too have a DS with SEMH out of school with an EOTAS package because there aren't any schools that can meet his needs. Despite being at home not in his, other DC or my best interests.

[drspouse]

@Stann86 no, the way the school is handling him is not appropriate.
There is no other school that would take him. They said they could meet his needs and then failed to.

[Mrshue]

@Drspouse. Ahh got ya


Ok. The problem is. You’re going to HAVE to do something for the next 3 weeks. No amount of advice is going to get the school take back your child. You ARE going to have to go through the options. Unfortunately. The school have excluded him. Regardless of it being legal or not. It’s not going to get sorted immediately.

So you ARE going to have to sort this. For your child. All the options are good for you. So pick the least bad one and go with that.

He’s your child. If it means losing your job (which I agree. Shouldn’t happen). But your job or managers don’t seem overly keen to help either of you. Then that’s what’s going to happen

[drspouse]

@twolittleboysonetiredmum the current EHCP has no hours but he's had full time with whoever the school could find that day, basically. They knew he needed one consistent person yet didn't get one. The new EHCP has full time.

[Mrshue]

Drspouse

Problem is. REGARDLESS of whether the school has followed. Or hasn’t followed the law

This isn’t going to be immediately sorted. It just won’t happen by Monday.

[IndecentFeminist]

In the first instance one of you needs time off for the next say, fortnight. Rightly or wrongly, this is not going to be sorted by Monday and if you have no family etc to help then one of you has to be there.

[IndecentFeminist]

If the last ehcp didn't specify one to one there's no reason to believe they could have got one for him.

[twolittleboysonetiredmum]

When did he get the new one?
I’m asking (I’m a teacher on SLT in a mainstream primary with many SEND chn) as we’ve had similar chn to your son and our county aims to keep them in mainstream on a full time EHCP than PRU or Special school as it’s cheaper (they don’t say that but that’s why)
Normally if we get a revised EHCP package due to behaviour then there’d be a lot of time between trying that and exclusion. Permanent exclusion is a nightmare admin wise and awful for school and parents. It would normally take many suspensions and evidence too - have they got any of that?

[teachandsleep]

I'm a teacher in a PRU and yes there are knife incidents. However the positives of being in a pru is support with identifying another School and transition.
No teacher should have to put up with assaultsand abuse it's not on no matter what a childs needs are! If your child has an ehcp there should be an emergency review and a new placement identified. You appear to not to want another School and expect the staff to continue to be assaulted.! Mainstream Schools have limitations and other children are entitled to an education.

[Mrshue]

So the EHCP doesn’t have any hours?

[twolittleboysonetiredmum]

Also if he’s only just got funding they wouldn’t have been able to afford to employ a TA I’d think? Doesn’t make it right they didn’t but that’s the reality of education budgets

[TheMustressMhor]

Or the OP needs an attitude transplant

Well - maybe. But she sounds like a parent who is at the end of her tether.

Yes, children and teachers should not have to face violence from anyone.

But yes, I can see the OP's point. Her DS has some very challenging problems and telling her that her only realistic option is to give up work isn't very supportive.

I have a feeling that the OP knows very well that her giving up work is going to be the next disaster her family faces, and she is very upset about this, for many reasons. I would be. I would expect the LA to make provision for my child.

[Shockers]

I worked in a PRU until recently. We were highly trained in de-escalation and restraint (95% de-escalation/5% restraint for the safety of the child in question and other children).

The resources we had were second to none. The staff were brilliant. We were being up skilled in all areas.

You say that these are the areas in which your DS’s school are failing him? Perhaps you should give the PRU a chance. He will only be admitted for 6 weeks to start with. He will be given help to recognise his feelings and triggers, and Stratton how to deal with them. The PRU staff will liaise with his school to give them strategies too. He will gradually be reintegrated into his school, if he is responding well to the programme.

It doesn’t work for all children, but we had plenty of successes. We were also well placed to suggest alternatives to mainstream if need be.

In my 4 years there, I never saw a knife!

[Mrshue]

Above poster

The will though. They will find him education within 6 days.

[Shockers]

Stratton?? I typed strategies!

[DisgruntledGuineaPig]

OP- just reading the thread through, is there a reason a nanny would have to be live in? I can see why an au pair would need to be live in (as free room and food is usually a trade off for the low pay), but most people I know who use nannies dont have ones who live in.

Have you contacted local nanny agencies and seen if any have SEN experienced nannies on their books and how much theyd charge? It might at least be a temporary solution to enable you some breathing room to work out a longer term plan.

It does sound like something needs to give, I wouldn't dismiss the idea of moving house to close to a school you think would be a better fit for your DS. It does seem to be the lack of close provision is one of the bigger issues.

Good luck, it sounds like a shitty situation which is not your fault, but you have to try to fix with no easy solution.