To ask what you are supposed to do

[drspouse]

DS has an EHCP.
It's not very good and we have a tribunal coming up.
He has some challenging behaviour. We admit this and we are doing our best.
He moved school in Sept after we looked at 8 new schools, including 4 special schools.
The new school has just permanently excluded him. They have not tried all the suggestions of EP, OT etc and we know this is illegal but it doesn't help with the fact that he now has no school.
They are suggesting he goes to the PRU. I'm sure it's very nice but he has only just started to settle at the new school.
He's 8, in year 3, and loves to play with his teddies. We were told some of the older children at the SEMH schools we looked at had pulled knives on teachers. If there's any child like that at the PRU it will break him.
We both work, I've just been told I can't reduce my hours any further and DH has just started a secondment which will be for a year. The PRU has no after school club. We both have meetings at any/every hour of the working day. Giving up either of our jobs is not an option.
So we can't HE (and we don't want to, and we shouldn't have to, and it would be awful for DS).
What are parents of a child with SEN actually supposed to do? Is the idea that we are both supposed to sit at home with our child and keep him away from other children/schools/the public? Are we not supposed to work? Is the country going to pay us our (fairly high, which is partly why we aren't giving up work) salary for not working?
Note before you suggest it: yes we know we can look at out of area schools. We did, they are included in the ones above. We live quite rurally. We can't move (I have tried to move jobs for years). But we need school for DS NOW. Not in 6 months time after we've moved/fought for a private school place (there are none suitable anyway)/I've lost my job.

[drspouse]

He is very isolated. He had to leave friends at his old school. He would see nobody for three weeks. He already has low mood and anxiety and when he's been excluded before he's refused to go to clubs, or even outside, so he'd sit indoors for 3 weeks. And then what changes?

And we can't just say "oh by the way we aren't coming in for the next three weeks". And what happens after that?

We want him to go to the school he's currently at, or to his previous one, with an attitude transplant.

I think he'd do well with a SEN nanny, as he does well with a good, experienced, TA. He learns well and is calm. We can't afford a live in nanny and the babysitters we can afford haven't got the right experience.

What's this "responsibility" I'm supposed to be taking that I'm not? Does this country only promise to educate nice children that sit down when told to and don't run off when someone is in their seat when they come into the classroom?

[drspouse]

@TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 the school told us, in July, that they could support the EHCP. Legally they must do this. Why should we and DS have to be the ones to bear the brunt of them not following the law?

[spanieleyes]

How many mainstream schools has he been excluded from?

[TheMustressMhor]

We want him to go to the school he's currently at, or to his previous one, with an attitude transplant

Do you mean the school should have an attitude transplant or your DS? Sorry. I'm really not trying to be goady here. I am trying to understand.

[Mrshue]

They have offered you an alternative school. You don’t want it

No suggestions are right. Nothing anyone will say is right.


Yes the school must follow it. But they haven’t. It doesn’t mean it’s going to be sorted in 48 hrs!!!!! A child doesn’t get kicked out for pushing a teacher once. No way.

The old school will without a doubt. Not have a transplant. No way. Human nature doesn’t get overrun.

No. The state doesn’t say only nice kids get educated. Yours had been educated. But had been excluded. So they’ve followed it. They’ve also offered you a place at another school. You don’t want this however

What are your options for the following week? You tell us. What are you going to do?

[Mrshue]

Your responsibility is to look after your child.

Simple. Your child has been excluded. Now it’s your responsibility to sort it. If it means losing your job. So be it. You chose to have a child. You chose to take on any problems of said child. Sometimes you’ve just got to do it.

[Stann86]

I think you're in a difficult situation and I sympathise for you, but also for the teachers and other students whose education is being severely affected by your child. Do you sympathise with them also? Regardless of whether your solicitor intervention is effective the school quite simply does not have the resources or expertise to cater for your child so why would you want to send them there. Surely the money you are using through the solicitor could be better spent providing support to your child. I do understand you are trying to put the needs of your child first, but so will the other 29 sets of parents in the class and the school cannot morally allow one very disruptive aggressive child hinder those and I as a parent of one of the 29 would be complaining to school and governers after every incident by your son as its not fair on my child in that situation.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

if you say you would get no work done if you took him to work, he 'broke' an au pair who was looking after him 1;1, then how do you expect a teacher to be able to teach 29 other children while she also looks after him?
He's been excluded from 2 schools?

Can you tell us something about his special needs? Does he have autism?

[StylishMummy]

Other children have the right to be safe in school, we had a child that sounds like your DS when I was in primary and he'd have a meltdown, it was utterly terrifying to be evacuated out of the classroom every few days when he started throwing chairs. I appreciate he's got an EHCP but schools have to keep children safe, your DC and others.

You'll need to pick another school with transport and pack sick bags/spare clothes. He'll get used to the drive. That's the only way I can see him back into school this term

[drspouse]

@mrshue PRUs aren't schools. The law says parents get a choice in their child's education. We aren't even being offered a school (and we don't even have a place. We MAY have a place.

@spanieleyes one. The previous one said they "couldn't teach him" and he "wasn't coping". He loved it there. They also weren't following NC (e.g. they weren't using phonics so he was struggling to read).
@TheMustressMhor the school - either this one or the previous one.

[Mamamia456]

OP - How many times has your son had fixed term exclusions before the permanent exclusion? What was the permanent exclusion for? I am not being judgemental but want to be able to advise you on what to do next. I have been through the school system with a child with SEN and an EHCP, who was excluded many times.

[mumwon]

not all nannies live in - does he have any diagnosis? ie PDA
www.autism.org.uk/about/what-is/pda.aspx
& yes it(loosely)comes within the Autistic Spectrum - if this is the case it might be worth contacting them for advice (do it anyway the advice they give & experiences of other parents will be relevant to yours & your ds)

[drspouse]

@StylishMummy the distant SEMH schools are unsuitable and as they are private, we'd likely have to go to tribunal (6 months) to get funding.

[Mrshue]

@drspouse

Right. So what is going to happen for the next 3 weeks then? What are you going to do?

[drspouse]

@Mamamia456 he was never excluded at his old school, 9 days last term (official) at this school.
The permanent exclusion letter says "because of his violent behaviour today" i.e. yesterday, if says he hit and kicked staff. He was in school for 90 minutes. As far as I know, he was aggressive when I came to pick him up, only, and they said "other pupils were at risk and had to be diverted"; I saw one child being told to go through a different door.
The trigger was almost certainly being asked to stop a computer game by an adult instead of with a timer because the TA couldn't work the timer.

[bank100]

Why should we and DS have to be the ones to bear the brunt of them not following the law?

As you say, he has been aggressive and physically HIT teachers and become physical with other children. Explaining the exclusion. Teachers and other children shouldn't be in fear of being hurt. Clearly wasn't a suitable setting for his needs and behaviour (poor teachers being assaulted, sounds as though you don't care about that at all, tbh).

[drspouse]

@Mrshue I have no chuffing idea. Lie to my boss, probably. Or send him to the PRU and watch him break down.
@mumwon he has ADHD, sensory issues and dyspraxia. All diagnosed, we have loads of recommendations from specialists, experienced 1:1s, sensory diet etc etc etc.

[Bigearringsbigsmile]

Do you think that it's acceptable that he started hitting members of staff because they gave him a verbal instruction?

[Mrshue]

So he kicked off because he was asked to stop a computer game from a teacher? And because of this. He was violent. So much so. That other children had to be diverted away from not only him. But out of the room?

And you think because of this. The schooling system is to blame? And they should transplant their attitude and take your child back

[drspouse]

@bank100 it's not legal to exclude a child with a disability even if they are aggressive if their needs are not being met. This is not a legal reason for exclusion. Rather like those who think maternity pay or installing a ramp are a burden on businesses, you can think this is daft, but it's the law.

[OrangeSamphire]

I hear you and I’m glad you posted this in one of the mainstream topics not hidden away in SN.

The truth is, most parents in situations where our children are being damaged by being in settings that don’t suit them, so end up taking a massive hit and one parent loses their career.

It happens to thousands of us. It’s wrong. And while no solution for your current challenges will present itself quick enough it is not unreasonable to talk about it here and share experiences.

[drspouse]

@Mrshue Like many children with SEN, he has triggers. They need managing. He shouldn't be allowed to do things in school that he finds tricky to stop, if they don't have a good way to stop him. Earlier in the week, a new TA he doesn't know shouldn't have been in his seat. If the school is told how to help him, they should do it.

[drspouse]

@Bigearringsbigsmile Of course I don't think it's acceptable. They knew how to help him but they didn't do it. Starting from "get an experienced TA" right down to "use a timer".

[XmasAandE]

I have a child with SEN who attends a special school 9am - 3pm. There is no before or after school provision we can access and no holiday clubs. I had to give up my job to look after him as there is no one who can have him when he is sick or in the holidays. This is the reality for parents of SEN kids, even when you find the right school placement finding childcare is like the holy grail.

op I sympathise with your situation but you seem to have unrealistic expectations, even with a school placement how will you manage before / after school and holidays if he has broken all your babysitters? You are going to have to compromise somewhere, be that jobs, moving, school............you need a long term solution.
`

[spanieleyes]

And you can appeal the exclusion, the review panel must hear the appeal within 15 days. The appeal can overturn the exclusion and In the meantime, the LA must provide education from the 6th day.