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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

YR 11 DD: boyfriend visiting ours

81 replies

Hennypenny95 · 11/01/2020 00:33

So my DD is 15 and not 16 until summer. She has a lovely boyfriend in her year at school (and also 15 until summer). He is a good friend to her and supportive. We like him and his family likes her. All good.

But when he visits ours, my DD takes him into our front lounge and shuts the door on the rest of us. They lie on the sofa and watch TV together, full length cuddling. Me, my DH and our other DD feel distinctly unwelcome in the lounge, to the point that I will go upstairs to watch TV in my bedroom and that my DH will take younger DD out of the house.

BUT: This is our home, so we have all started to make a point of going in there from time to time and sitting and chatting to them, but they never make an attempt to sit up and they both stay lying down on the sofa together. I find this awkward and weird.

We have a second sitting room that we designed for this eventuality when we had the extension for our house (figured DDs would bring boys home one day and didn't want them to go to their bedrooms to hang out, so created a private space downstairs for them). They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

Furthermore when she goes to his, they lie on and in his bed and chill for hours.

On the one hand I think they need some alone time together. But on the other, I think why do they need to lie on the sofa, spooning in front of us, monopolizing the family room and also, that it's a bit disrespectful?

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 11/01/2020 00:36

So, tell her they aren't to lie on the couch monopolising the family room.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 11/01/2020 00:36

Your house. Your rules. Put your foot down and tell them to go spoom on the less comfortable sofa.

Ilovecharliecat · 11/01/2020 00:36

You need to tell her nicely that she has her own space in the home and needs to use it, not monopolise they family space

ActualHornist · 11/01/2020 00:37

Stop being so wet and tell them to move!

They only get to monopolise the family living room if you let them.

Hennypenny95 · 11/01/2020 00:38

I've told her this. She resents me, lol. I guess, tough shit though.

OP posts:
Skagen · 11/01/2020 00:40

Why would you allow her to shut the door and monopolise the room?

She has the second lounge room to use and relax in. Whether or not the sofa is comfortable is irrelevant. I genuinely can't believe the brass neck of her shutting the door and your stupidity regarding letting her get away with it.

Hennypenny95 · 11/01/2020 00:48

Yeah, you are right.

OP posts:
ActualHornist · 11/01/2020 00:50

Of course she resents you she’s 15 Grin

Talk to her when boyf isn’t about, and tell her she can agree to comply or you’ll embarrass her in front of her boyfriend by telling her to shift.

Hennypenny95 · 11/01/2020 00:53

You echo my instincts. I just thought I was being inflexible. Thank you for reminding me of my moral compass.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 11/01/2020 00:55

They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

Tell them how much your heart is bleeding, whilst you sit in the middle of them and change the TV channel.

Honestly, they're taking the piss and you and your DH are letting them.

Retroflex · 11/01/2020 01:16

Alternatively, you and your husband can lie "spooning" the next time her boyfriend comes over. I'm sure she'll suddenly see how inappropriate it is... Grin

FelicityBeedle · 11/01/2020 01:17

I would just let them go upstairs to her room or sit in the other room yourselves tbh, no point making an argument out of it

DramaAlpaca · 11/01/2020 01:18

Yep, agree with everyone else. You are allowing yourself to be dictated to in your own house by a couple of teenagers. You need to put your foot down and direct them to the other sofa.

malmi · 11/01/2020 01:21

Can you and DH not just start copying them on the other sofa? The more enthusiastic the better. I'm sure this will effectively kill the mood for them and they will move elsewhere.

Marshmallow91 · 11/01/2020 01:32

I vote for doing what @Retroflex said!

Butchyrestingface · 11/01/2020 01:33

The fact that you built a second living room for the benefit of your daughter’s privacy suggests you are a most accommodating parent.

Far too accommodating, since madam apparently now sees fit to take the piss. I agree with you and hubz coming over all PG-cert amorous on the adjacent sofa in their presence. Nothing that would scare the horses, mind.

TooleyVanDooley · 11/01/2020 01:40

Tell them to move!

ILearnedItFromABook · 11/01/2020 02:03

Good grief. She's walking all over you. Too bad if the couch isn't as comfortable in the other room. I'm sure it's fine. I'd tell her they need to either use the other room or sit up and engage in conversation with the whole group.

I can't imagine being comfortable with your family seeing you lying on the couch with a boyfriend at that age... It was embarrassing enough just sitting together and holding hands with my parents in the room, tbh.

poppycity · 11/01/2020 03:12

I think you absolutely should nip this in the bud. It's a bit of a bigger issue - boundaries on many levels! Definitely stay firm!

hellcarryingahandbag · 11/01/2020 03:31

She isn’t in charge, you are. Be assertive and tell her to beat it!

1forAll74 · 11/01/2020 04:02

OH I would find this a trite difficult to deal with. It just reminded me of my own daughter,( now a happy adult with two children) when she was 18 and at uni, she came home for the weekend, with new boyfriend in tow.

WE all sat happily chatting in the kitchen, drinking some wine etc,. then my daughter,said, well me and Dave are going to bed now. so see you in the morning.

HEY WELL, This was the first time I realised, that my daughter was her own person now.

Monty27 · 11/01/2020 04:14

Oh good lord. I'm very liberal but get off my sofa. Cheeky mare.
Wouldn't have that. I'm shocked you all jump round to this. Not to mention they're 15 yo young people. Shock

DowntownAbby · 11/01/2020 04:25

She resents you for telling her she can't take over the room?

I'd get her told sharpish and make sure she brushes up on her manners and respect for the rest of the family.

Cheeky minx!

PositiveVibez · 11/01/2020 05:06

Alternatively, you and your husband can lie "spooning" the next time her boyfriend comes over. I'm sure she'll suddenly see how inappropriate it is... Grin

Yes - pleas do this 😂

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 11/01/2020 05:39

It’s upsetting that you don’t have a secure enough relationship with your DD that you can’t tell her that her attitude to you and your home is Disrespectful, let the kids rule and this is what happens. People appear so scared to upset their offspring these days.

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