YR 11 DD: boyfriend visiting ours

[Hennypenny95]

So my DD is 15 and not 16 until summer. She has a lovely boyfriend in her year at school (and also 15 until summer). He is a good friend to her and supportive. We like him and his family likes her. All good.

But when he visits ours, my DD takes him into our front lounge and shuts the door on the rest of us. They lie on the sofa and watch TV together, full length cuddling. Me, my DH and our other DD feel distinctly unwelcome in the lounge, to the point that I will go upstairs to watch TV in my bedroom and that my DH will take younger DD out of the house.

BUT: This is our home, so we have all started to make a point of going in there from time to time and sitting and chatting to them, but they never make an attempt to sit up and they both stay lying down on the sofa together. I find this awkward and weird.

We have a second sitting room that we designed for this eventuality when we had the extension for our house (figured DDs would bring boys home one day and didn't want them to go to their bedrooms to hang out, so created a private space downstairs for them). They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

Furthermore when she goes to his, they lie on and in his bed and chill for hours.

On the one hand I think they need some alone time together. But on the other, I think why do they need to lie on the sofa, spooning in front of us, monopolizing the family room and also, that it's a bit disrespectful?

We have two living rooms too, one used to be the watching films with friends room, and is now the sitting on the sofa cuddling room. I didn't give DD any choice - if she wants him over, they go in the other living room, door ajar. Absolutely no need to go upstairs. 😂

My dd is the same age. No boyfriends yet but when we do get to that stage I suspect hell would freeze over before she would loll around on the family sofa smooching. Me and dh don't get away with it, the dog jumps in the middle of us, ds jumps in the middle of us, teen dd walks in and tuts dramatically and says 'get a room'.

Don't evict them. Just go and sit with them. Lift legs up and squash on the end, change the tv channel and offer some popcorn. They will soon slouch off to the playroom.

You’re not being unreasonable, but I don’t know why you’re all pussyfooting around them and actually leaving the house, and were from the get-go.

I’d have been in there the first time lifting feet up, making myself comfy on the settee and telling them to budge up.

Family space is shared space, they don’t get to monopolise it.

Definitely put a stop to it. I’d also be asking the boy’s parents to ask them to stay downstairs at his house. But maybe I’m just very old fashioned.

Brilliant @retroflex!

@Hennypenny95 my first boyfriend from around the same age as your daughter, still to this day treats my mum like a second mum! She always made him feel welcome, and I've always had a great relationship with her. 23(ish) years later, the "first love" and I are still friends, but any romantic inclinations wore off within a few years, and we realised that we were better as friends. My sister is still with the guy she was with when she was 15 about 22(ish) years later. My point is, nobody knows how this relationship will play out, and you're quite right to set the ground rules now.