YR 11 DD: boyfriend visiting ours

[Hennypenny95]

So my DD is 15 and not 16 until summer. She has a lovely boyfriend in her year at school (and also 15 until summer). He is a good friend to her and supportive. We like him and his family likes her. All good.

But when he visits ours, my DD takes him into our front lounge and shuts the door on the rest of us. They lie on the sofa and watch TV together, full length cuddling. Me, my DH and our other DD feel distinctly unwelcome in the lounge, to the point that I will go upstairs to watch TV in my bedroom and that my DH will take younger DD out of the house.

BUT: This is our home, so we have all started to make a point of going in there from time to time and sitting and chatting to them, but they never make an attempt to sit up and they both stay lying down on the sofa together. I find this awkward and weird.

We have a second sitting room that we designed for this eventuality when we had the extension for our house (figured DDs would bring boys home one day and didn't want them to go to their bedrooms to hang out, so created a private space downstairs for them). They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

Furthermore when she goes to his, they lie on and in his bed and chill for hours.

On the one hand I think they need some alone time together. But on the other, I think why do they need to lie on the sofa, spooning in front of us, monopolizing the family room and also, that it's a bit disrespectful?

My younger brother used to do this (we had no separate lounge though) it made my mum really uncomfortable, especially when the gf would emerge from the bedroom in his tee shirt with tousled hair and come to get a drink or they would full on kiss, lying spooning in front of us while watching tv. SO RUDE!! Mum didn't want to rock the boat so I mentioned it but better coming from the homeowner. They were quite oblivious but it's really not on for the rest of the family. Makomg me cross remembering this! How dare they put the rest of the family in this position!

As everyone else has said, tell them that if they want to lie on the whole sofa, monopolising a room, then they have to do it in the spare room. Tell your dd before her boyfriend arrives and make sure the rest of the family are on the sofa in the family room.

I don’t see why this has become such a problem.

I’d go in and change the channel saying you want to watch something else and they can go into the other room if they want to

Alternatively, you and your husband can lie "spooning" the next time her boyfriend comes over. I'm sure she'll suddenly see how inappropriate it is...

Is the correct answer.

* They lie on the sofa and watch TV together, full length cuddling. Me, my DH and our other DD feel distinctly unwelcome in the lounge, to the point that I will go upstairs to watch TV in my bedroom and that my DH will take younger DD out of the house. *

Shocking. Really.

You’ve already “told her”, and she continues regardless?

Not a good sign of your relationship with her nor her personality

I'm pretty indulgent of young love but this would annoy me too - why can't they "chill" in her room or the other living room!

Can you not go in the other room?

@Itstheprinciple

Can you not go in the other room?

Seriously?

You’re the parent you know.....

I'd be shocked at a 15 year old doing this in front of parents! I suppose I was far too shy to show any display of affection to a bf then (still shy now about holding my husbands hand in front of my family! Probably me being weird though. Hate PDA)

I guess, tough shit though.

Yes, it is.

Wow...she really has zero respect for you, doesn't she?

If youve already told her not to do this, then next time go in, tell them to sit up, a d sit down in between chatting to them about the archers. Repeatedly. They are being very disrespectful.

I’d tell her the next time it happened would be the last time the boyfriend came over. Simple as that.

If you’ve told her and she’s carrying on with it and being disrespectful then her boyfriend isn’t to come over, it’s simple. You’re the parent be a parent. She’s 15 she will resent you no matter what anyway. Don’t let her walk all over you. Clear rules and boundaries and clear consequences for breaking them. You’re being too nice. I also second the lie on the sofa spooning your DH as well, so they can see it’s inappropriate that way 😂

You’ve already “told her”, and she continues regardless?

Exactly! She’s 15!

Have you no control over what happens in your house at all??

Just talk to her and lay the ground rules out

I voted YABU because you are unreasonable to have let it get this far!

I have a daughter the same age, if I walked into my own lounge and found 2 teenagers sprawled across my sofa (assuming they didn’t jump up and move as soon I walked in) they’d be told to sit properly and stop smooching!!

What other things does she get away with? I find it strange that she’s assumed this is ok? My 15 year old wouldn’t dream of doing this, because we have boundaries in place.

I am dreading that age with DD it is a minefield of emotions.
I love the idea of you spooning with DH on their spot. 😂😜

Haven’t read the previous posts but I’m uncomfortable with the fact you don’t feel comfortable talking to her about it?

I think you are lovely and accommodating if you have created a space already and you need to assert yourself and tell them to use the other room forthwith.

We don’t have a separate space and we have two teens with partners and sometimes it’s downright uncomfortable but it’s my home too so I tell them to sit on the sofas and if they want to lie down or get touchy feely they can go upstairs to their own rooms. Usually they are quite happy to behave and we can have a laugh and watch tv or play games together. If they’re grumpy I snog their Dad and they soon get the message. Time and place and family living room is just that.

She’s 15. Fifteen. Surely you can tell her Not to do that etc etc? Good grief.

Wow, sounds like you've been so desperate for your daughter to like you you've allowed her to walk all over you with zero respect! Time to get a grip, square your daughter and her equally disrespectful boyfriend up and start maintaining a bit of control in your own house!
Re your dh taking your other dd out....words literally fail me. Apart from 'spineless'.

Still children, both of them. There should be no closed doors, for starters! Have 'that talk' and lay down some ground rules for him being welcomed in your home. You can't control what happens in his home, though.

I would definitely be asking her how she'd feel if her parents carried on like that in front of her bf. Do it if you have to! Get to 'their' sofa first and be full-length entwined with tongues down each other's throats...