YR 11 DD: boyfriend visiting ours

[Hennypenny95]

So my DD is 15 and not 16 until summer. She has a lovely boyfriend in her year at school (and also 15 until summer). He is a good friend to her and supportive. We like him and his family likes her. All good.

But when he visits ours, my DD takes him into our front lounge and shuts the door on the rest of us. They lie on the sofa and watch TV together, full length cuddling. Me, my DH and our other DD feel distinctly unwelcome in the lounge, to the point that I will go upstairs to watch TV in my bedroom and that my DH will take younger DD out of the house.

BUT: This is our home, so we have all started to make a point of going in there from time to time and sitting and chatting to them, but they never make an attempt to sit up and they both stay lying down on the sofa together. I find this awkward and weird.

We have a second sitting room that we designed for this eventuality when we had the extension for our house (figured DDs would bring boys home one day and didn't want them to go to their bedrooms to hang out, so created a private space downstairs for them). They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

Furthermore when she goes to his, they lie on and in his bed and chill for hours.

On the one hand I think they need some alone time together. But on the other, I think why do they need to lie on the sofa, spooning in front of us, monopolizing the family room and also, that it's a bit disrespectful?

Aa she hasn't listened to you i would speak to them both every time, will be too awkward for boyfriend to ignore you.

"Sit up please, I dont want anyone lying on this couch"

@Stonerosie67 have you met a teenager? They are known to be self centred. Doesn't mean the OP is a useless parent.

DD did this with her first boyfriend. It kind of crept up on us (we also had another room). Just as we were getting really fed up with it they broke up. I think it's partly a showing off thing "look how grown up I am, I've got a boyfriend", when if course it's quite the opposite. Fortunately DD has never done it since.

She’s 15, just tell her, I don’t know why this is even up for discussion as no child of mine will ever dictate how I move about in my house. Threads like this stress me because the entitlement/selfish thoughtless behaviour we see increasingly see in adults stem from situations like this where parents just allow their kids to do whatever and get away with showing no respect or manners

Is this real?!!

'Sit up properly please. We'd like to watch something'

I think there are parts of this where yabu and others where dd is. Ultimately though just tell her that's what the other sitting room is for and get some more throws and cushions to make it more comfy.

I agree with hoxtonbabe. The fact that the dad leaves the house as he finds it so uncomfortable is beyond my understanding. I mean words fail me.

Sally yep, quite a few actually. I stand by what I said.

@Stonerosie67

Totally agree with your

Thanks for your responses. I'm actually not a shit parent but a really decent one with a great relationship with my child, as some of you seemed to realise, so thanks for that. I would have appreciated more support than judgement, but hey, this is mumsnet and if we can judge other mums and make them feel shit, then let's do it! That's the take home on this for me.

Thanks for those who were genuinely supportive and helpful though.

For the record, I have made my feelings very well known to my daughter over the last few days.

They don't want to go in there as the sofa isn't as comfortable in their opinion.

FFS who is the parent here?
Jeeze - DD has benevolent parents who have provided her with her own private spooning room, & instead of being grateful for your tolerance & thoughtfulness, she's acting like she owns your house.

Kick her arse into the other sitting room asap.

I also second the lie on the sofa spooning your DH as well, so they can see it’s inappropriate that way

Me too, but this is the DH who, rather than tell his DD to stop behaving inappropriately & disrespectfully in the family sitting room, takes his other child out of the house to avoid parenting his DD. I don't think he'd be up for that level of assertiveness.

I don't think you're a shit parent at all, but why have you not gone in and said to them both to go to the other room
At that age my Dd and her bf were in her room which was fine, if they'd been taking over my living room, not fine at all.

I think it's partly a showing off thing "look how grown up I am, I've got a boyfriend"

Yes. Power play & territory claim as well. This DD has her parents really well trained.

For the record, I have made my feelings very well known to my daughter over the last few days.

But Henny, what's going on with DD that a simple request not to spoon in the family sitting room needs to be reinforced over a few days? How is it that she simply ignored your initial request?

The point is I don't want them in her room! That's an absolute no for me.

She will do what I say at the end of the day. I was just asking whether my request was UR or not. They cannot use her room. They should not be monopolising the lounge. They are left with a shitty sofa in the playroom, and that will have to do.

I wasn't ready for this, lol. Boyfriend has come out of the blue.

Yep! Do not waver.

OP glad you have made your feelings clear with your daughter and have got your living room back but can't help feeling a tad cheated out of an - so youngest DD was sent to stay with a friend and after dinner Speaker DH and I rushed to the nice sofa stretched out, out our favourite you tubers on the TV (TOTPS 90s) whilst spooning, snogging and giggling. My DD has said we are the most embarrassing parents ever and we have ruined her life.

@Hennypenny95 nobody has said you’re a rubbish mum. It must be hard going through that for the first time, particularly if it out of the blue.

However you asked for opinions by posting on Aibu so please don’t get cross if people say you are!!

" hey guys, can you budge up, or go to the other room please? I want to watch Netflix,
Thanks"

Why don't you just sit in the second sitting room? I don't think this is a big deal, I wouldn't make a big deal of it, if you do you might find her spending more time at her bf house, how would that make you feel?

This thread really made me laugh. Lot of killjoys who don’t remember what it was like to be a teenager and in love. I know it’s cringe but ‘disrespectful’? Come on, they’re just kids. They will learn and you can tease her about this when she’s older.

OP, if you’re worried your daughter might be having sex / thinking about it then talk to her about it honestly and without judgement. That would be my first priority if I was you. Stopping them from shutting their bedroom door at your house will absolutely NOT prevent them from having sex, I can assure you of that.

As for monopolising your living room, just tell her firmly to go into the other room where they can spoon in private to their hearts content.

And OP, you’re not a shitty parent and sorry people have made you feel that way!

Your daughter is behaving in an odd way because she’s 15 and is filled with very intense hormones for the first time in her life. We all lose our heads a bit when we have a first boyfriend / girlfriend. I think it’s more a case of being completely carried away by those feelings rather than ‘how can I piss Mum off today’.