To not want people to say this

[Armadilloboss]

So in 2017, after months of FTC, I got pregnant. Unfortunately at 12 weeks we found out that there were a lot of complications, the main one of which being Edwards syndrome, but also heart conditions, exomphalus, transverse blood flow etc. We’re were advised it was almost certain he would not survive the pregnancy, and in the very tiny chance he did, he would not live more that a few hours. So we made the heartbreaking decision to end the pregnancy.
My aibu is that I regularly have people refer to ‘my abortion’ and I really hate that they say this. It’s not that I have any opinion on anybody who has had one. But I hate it being used to decribe our situation. When I had my surgery they called it a surgical top or a tfmr (termination for medical reasons) and just that added fmr made me feel less awful for the decision we made as this was a very very wanted pregnancy. I had a doctors appointment today and I could see my patient history on the screen. It literally broke my heart seeing termination on there. I know, essentially that’s what it is, but aibu to hate this being referred to by people as ‘an abortion’
I do generally refer to it as ‘when the baby died’ or ‘when I had my surgery’ I can not bare to say ‘when I had the abortion’

So sorry for your loss 💐

Also someone may say I had to terminate on medical grounds when someone else may say actually no you chose to. (For instance you can abort a child for a cleft palate and say it,s medical grounds.) So to me it opens more painful questions and judgements.

I totally get what you are saying but can also see why others use that language.

Could you perhaps, repond with something along the lines off "we don't see it as an abortion, it was an early/late pregnancy loss"

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand what you are saying completely and in your situation I would have done exactly the same thing.
People can be so tactless and if they keep bringing it up you have every right to stop them in their tracks and say you don't want to talk about it or explain the way in which you want to refer to it.
Take care of yourself xx

Sorry for your loss. I completely agree.

When I lost my baby to a miscarriage for unknown reasons (as they usually are) I was handed a leaflet on the subject titled "Spontaneous abortion" because that was the technical term for miscarriage. Like you, that word made it seem so much more upsetting. What happened to you was not really a choice. Whilst there is nothing wrong with abortion itself and I believe it should always be our choice, I understand your feelings here.