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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to still be really annoyed by this absolute rankness

89 replies

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:07

My colleague kindly offered to go out to get me lunch today. He’s very big on environmental protection, for which I applaud him. However, he sometimes takes it a bit far IMO e.g. he washes out the cardboard food container that his lunch is served in and takes it back to the shop to use again. I’m a bit of a neat freak and I find this absolutely disgusting (how do you clean cardboard properly in a work sink with lukewarm water), but it’s his life and he’s hurting no one, so whatever.

Anyway, today I specifically asked him to get me a fresh container and not reuse one of his for my lunch. He agreed, and came back with two lunches. I ate most of mine and then he told me that mine was in the reused cardboard container. He hadn’t realised in the shop but did realise when he got back to work but decided not to tell me until after I’d finished eating.

I still feel icky about it now, and told him that he’d behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing his own views on me without my agreement. He got a bit huffy that I was ‘bringing gender into it’ as apparently he’d do the same to a man.

AIBU to think this was rank and to still be a bit annoyed?

OP posts:
FairyBatman · 08/01/2020 19:10

Grim.

You can’t wash cardboard hot enough to be food safe! Far better to use one plastic or silicone container for several years.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2020 19:11

I still feel icky about it now, and told him that he’d behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing his own views on me without my agreement. He got a bit huffy that I was ‘bringing gender into it’ as apparently he’d do the same to a man.

Sorry but that's hilarious! Grin Grin

How would you have replied if your colleague owned a vagina?

YANBU to feel a bit sick about using someone else's container, especially if the food was different.

LochJessMonster · 08/01/2020 19:13

You lost me at
’ told him that he’d behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing his own views on me without my agreement.’

That’s when you lost the moral high ground

ArchieStar · 08/01/2020 19:13

Gender issue aside you are sooooo not BU!! That’s grim!

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:13

How would you have replied if your colleague owned a vagina?

worra - no way would a woman have done this!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/01/2020 19:15

worra - no way would a woman have done this!

What a load of sexist shit.

You have no way of knowing that OP.

ahhRats · 08/01/2020 19:16

worra - no way would a woman have done this!

slightly sexist view there...
I wouldnt like what he did, but it had nothing to do with gender.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/01/2020 19:17

I told him that he’d behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing his own views on me without my agreement. He got a bit huffy that I was ‘bringing gender into it’ as apparently he’d do the same to a man

You did not?! No one speaks like that in real life so they?!

Why didn’t you just thank him for getting you his lunch and then move on?

Very very weird

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:17

That was slightly tongue in cheek, but aware this is AIBU..Blush

OP posts:
QueenOfTheFae · 08/01/2020 19:17

worra - no way would a woman have done this!

What a load of sexist shit.

Total bollocks

ArchieStar · 08/01/2020 19:18

Bull. I can think of a few women that would do this. What a bad view to have.

WorraLiberty · 08/01/2020 19:20

You've behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing your own views on me without my agreement.

You seriously said that to him while munching the last of your sarnie?

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:20

I mean, you can be patriarchal and paternalistic without being a bloke right?

OP posts:
Janaih · 08/01/2020 19:22

Surprised the food outlet allowed such skankiness.

I would not have trusted him to get my lunch.

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:23

worra I think I said: ‘that was actually a patriarchal way to behave’. Not in a particularly confrontational way, but in a ‘dude, I specifically asked you not to do that’ way..

OP posts:
recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:24

Also, not a sarnie but a full salad bar, so all of the rankness would have got mixed up in there Envy not envy

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 08/01/2020 19:24

Oh right, well no wonder he got pissed off with that accusation. As he said, he would've done the same to a man.

Plumbus · 08/01/2020 19:25

I still feel icky about it now, and told him that he’d behaved in a paternalistic and patriarchal way by imposing his own views on me without my agreement.

Genuine LOL.

ShirleyPhallus · 08/01/2020 19:27

If that’s how you speak to people then I wonder if he really did it “by accident”

gamerchick · 08/01/2020 19:28

Well you know not to let him get you lunch again.

recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:28

I bet he wouldn’t have actually done it to a bloke, despite what he says. He was banking on me not to make an issue of it. It’s pretty bad to sit and watch me eat the lunch knowing that I’d be grossed out by it, no?

OP posts:
recreationalcalpol · 08/01/2020 19:29

Shirley to be fair, I then told him I’d charge him for lost earnings if I got food poisoning, to which he responded ‘good luck proving causation’ so we’re both dicks

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 08/01/2020 19:31

to which he responded ‘good luck proving causation’ so we’re both dicks

Actually, he sounds great!

billy1966 · 08/01/2020 19:31

Absolutely disgusting.

I would be well pissed off to have found I had eaten food from someone's rinsed cardboard box.

Not impressed with where you bought it from either.

Really grim.

He's a dick. I wouldn't trust him to get me a glass of water.

Elieza · 08/01/2020 19:40

Spit in his tea tomorrow when he’s not looking and feel smug Grin

He’s disgusting. Hope you don’t get sick OP. 🤢

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