Am I right to be annoyed by this? (Cultural appropriation?)

[TheincredibleBookEatingManchot]

Or maybe I don't have the right to be annoyed?

A couple I know who are white British have named their dog a Sanskrit word, which is used in Hinduism and Buddhism. Also the woman wore a bindi at their wedding. Maybe it's just because I don't like this couple anyway so anything they do annoys me but I feel weirdly personally annoyed and kind of bitter about it.

I am ethnically half Indian but culturally completely white British and my Indian family were all Christians (and now atheists) so I have no claim on anything Indian/Hindu/Buddhist; it's not my culture they're appropriating.

But still I kind of feel like if I named my pet a word from an Indian language or started wearing bindis then my Britishness, my belonging in this country would be called into question, but this couple, with their pale skin and light hair are secure in their Britishness, no one's going to start questioning their identity or tell them to go "back" to India, so they get to use things from Indian culture to make themselves look interesting and exotic.

And I don't. But I don't want to. So am I unreasonable to be annoyed at them?

I don't think I've expressed myself very well but not really sure how to make myself clear.

Quite possibly I am unreasonable and this has nothing to do with me.

Could she have converted to Hinduism? Perhaps that explains the Bindi adornment.

Ok, my internet connection went down for a while and I've just got back online to discover a lot more replies than I expected and that most people have voted YABU.

The couple definitely aren't Hindus or Buddhists. The woman does have ancestry from elsewhere in Europe but not India.

Perhaps I am just looking to be annoyed at them because I don't like them. That's why I asked if I was being unreasonable.

I'm not sure why saying I'm culturally white British would be cultural appropriation. I probably didn't make it clear in my OP but as another pp said, I am half white British, half Indian, born and raised in the UK, with an upbringing typical of a British person with no links to any other country.

I totally missed the irony of criticising someone for naming their pet a Sanskrit word while I have a French word in my NN . But manchot means penguin and has no religious significance unlike the Sanskrit word.

Your statement is ridiculous, of course there is a white British culture (along with many other British cultures)

Not at all.
British culture doesn't fall into categories of white/black/Asian British culture.

I'm white British but as PP's have mentioned, white people in Scotland have different cultures to white people in England.

I wouldn't say the culture where I grew up is the same as the culture in Newcastle or London.

None of your business. When I was growing up our cats had Arabic names, none of us were Arabic but my parents had lived in the Middle East.

Is this really the biggest thing in your life that you need to worry about?
All cultures have appropriated from others - it all goes into the melting pot and we evolve. Mash with your British steak and kidney? It came from the Americas in the c17. Traditional Christmas pud? Those pesky Crusaders should have left the ingredients where they belonged. You don't even want to wear a bindi, anyway.

YABU, a bit, but justice is yours:
The bindi makes her look a twat.
I would say ‘Karma’ but.....,

Your views on ethnicity and attire are completely beyond my ken. Clearly you think there are some obvious rules but I don't see the distinction.

All I’ve said is that suits aren’t specific to one culture so hugely confused as to how you’ve figured out my ‘views of ethnicity’ from that. Which culture is psychic ability attributed to?

You do understand I mean a formal suit in the British sense? It's descended directly from cavalry attire and specific to European culture.

lol you just said suit, so no I didn’t immediately conjure up a ‘European descended Calvary suit’ in my mind from that single word.

I don't get it, if they were being openly racist yes I see that as wrong but I see the bindi wearing as embracing Indian culture, surely that is a good thing? damned if they do damned if they don't.
Aint it the same as white people going to notting hill carnival? a good thing!

I'm a sikh lady not that matters btw.

Is there a definition of racist that isn't bad?

The actual definition of racism is (concisely) someone who believes race, based on genetics, exists and is deterministic of character traits.

Race theory was discredited decades ago- humans don't have races (cabbages do).

People who treat people of other ethnicities badly are also called racists (because the two usually go together). I am not saying OP does this, but it's clear she's bought what the racists are selling, in terms of spitting humans into groups.

What I don't understand is how you can generalise white British culture when it's so diverse.

I get your point. Obviously I don't represent all British culture, but I mean I don't have many non -British influences.

She can wear what the fuck she likes to her own wedding.

She can also call her dog what the fuck she likes - it’s not offensive is it?

Tbh you sound like a really bitter jealous person who is questioning herself. Why the fuck should any would judge your Britishness if you called your dog an Indian name?

Bonkers

Personally I think it is nice to wear clothes that may be cultural to others. I love a curry. It all adds to loving all the differences that make up the world's population. As long as it is done with no malice, what's the problem? Should we not attempt to speak another language in case we are seen as snatching somebody's culture?

I think this is the point, though, @Sarcelle – you have the freedom and space to think it's nice because you've not been systematically disenfranchised on the basis of those things.

You love a curry. And that's great – but I'm guessing you and your family don't get spat at in the street and told to 'go home' because you 'stink of curry'. If you did, and you then saw people who were part of the same group as your attackers ALSO having a curry and posting photos of it on social media in order to look 'exotic', I imagine you'd be pretty pissed off, too. I would be.

It's great that you want to celebrate other cultures. But I think most people do things like this simply because they can – and when they 'can' do pretty much anything without backlash, it feels like an encroachment on the cultures of people who can't, and who historically haven't been able to for fear of abuse, or losing their lives.

I wonder how many people really wear native American headdresses as fancy dress in an attempt to 'celebrate another culture', and how many do it because they think it looks cool in photos, and because they can without getting abuse?

How many people wear a sari to a wedding in an attempt to understand another culture, and how many just because they can, and they don't have to think about what they do and say and wear in order to stay safe?

I'm not sure everyone has the same good intentions as you do when it comes to this stuff, and I think that's where the OP is coming from.

Strongly recommend the book "Why I'm No Longer Talking to White People About Race" by Reni Eddo-Lodge for anyone else interested in this conversation. Tough read for me, but an important one.

All I’ve said is that suits aren’t specific to one culture so hugely confused as to how you’ve figured out my ‘views of ethnicity’ from that.

You said you'd laugh at someone based on their skin colour not being 'correct' for their clothes. That was the start of this conversation.

so no I didn’t immediately conjure up a ‘European descended Calvary suit’ in my mind from that single word.

OK. So now you are clear I mean the type of suit 95% of people would wear in the UK. Do you laugh at them if they are the wrong colour? If not perhaps you could explain the distinction?

I'm not sure everyone has the same good intentions as you do when it comes to this stuff, and I think that's where the OP is coming from.

The OP has said twice now where she's coming from.

She just doesn't like them...

You said you'd laugh at someone based on their skin colour not being 'correct' for their clothes. That was the start of this conversation.

Nope, I definitely didn’t. Can you please quote or better yet screenshot where I said this please? Perhaps your reading comprehension has let you down.

To those people comparing wearing a sari to wearing a suit, people who are not European did not appropriate suits. Western attire was forced on them when we colonised basically everywhere and told them to dress like 'civilised' people.

ladybee28 Great post.

I'm not sure everyone has the same good intentions as you do when it comes to this stuff, and I think that's where the OP is coming from.

I don't think it's OK to assume bad intentions from someone over minor issues. I also don't think it helps address the real problems delineated in the rest of that post.

My husband is non white non English and sees it (when women wear things etc from his country) as cultural appreciation. However if he were American it would be appropriation based on the negative history his country's descendents had in America.

It seems you are only winding yourself up by taking such an interest in this couple's lives. I'd try to step back if I were you. Looking for more reasons to be annoyed with them is only hurting you, they are probably blissfully oblivious.
As an aside, how do you know that the couple didn't meet in India? Shared very spiritual experiences there, felt 'at home' there, fell in love there, encountered a wonderful person/experience/place that this word reminds them of? You really are accusing them of something quite foul and so far, it appears, unreasonably so.

But manchot means penguin and has no religious significance unlike the Sanskrit word.

Why is religion have this special status?

You can use words from other languages, but not if its religious?

It's amazing you take such interest in a couple you dont like.

I’m half Asian too

The name doesn’t bother me so much but when in India and Sri Lanka (less so) seeing the mainly middle class white English walking about in grubby sarees and wearing bindis annoyed the fuck out of me

You have money what’s the need to be a bit grubby and pretend you are poor

And the pretentious sh*t about feeling India/Sri Lanka in their soul wtf were they taking about - oddly didn’t get this nonsense in SE Asia

I call you out for cultural appropriation, just take a look at your user name - I assume you are part Jedi/part Spanish?

@bettybattenburg

Part Jedi Part Graphic Designer
I do do a DNA ancestry test once but alas no Spanish, though a bit of Ancient American Indian DNA apparently.

They didn't meet in India. I met them both at about the same time they met each other in the UK.

YABU

Your dislike of them is causing you to confuse cultural appropriation with cultural appreciation.