To think of ending it if he does this?

[Wejustdontknow]

Ds13 was talking about his birthday last night, it’s still a couple of months away but I said as it’s on a school night we could go out for a meal on the evening if he wanted to pick somewhere. He has chosen a chain restaurant and told dp when he came home who then said well enjoy but don’t expect me there as I don’t like that place.
Ds is upset by this and so am I, the restaurant offers a varied menu and there are plenty of options dp could eat but he says when we went 2 years ago for ds’s birthday the food was horrible and so he won’t go again.
I’ve told ds to leave it for now as it’s still a while away but tbh I am very angry, surely for one night if it’s where your dc want to eat for their birthday you would suck it up and go and enjoy it with them?
I do feel he has checked out of family life a bit recently so don’t know if this is clouding my judgment

I'm assuming he is not your sons father.
If so, get rid.
Actually, get rid regardless. He cant put your child first on his birthday!
Who cares if he doesnt like the food?
He could eat the breadsticks and join in celebrations and get a takeaway on the way home

I find his response to DS harsh. I can understand someone not liking a restaurant and not wanting to go but has he suggested somewhere nicer to go with DS? My DH often tries to influence on our restaurant choices but he does want to spend time with us so always suggests somewhere else and often somewhere nicer so we can all go and enjoy some good food. To just brush your DS off like that was rude to say the least and does not look like he values the time with family.

That is appalling behaviour from an adult whether he is the biological father or step father.

He is being very selfish.

How else has he checked out of family life?

Yes your correct, he is not his biological father but had been raising him with me for just over 10 years now.
I would do anything my dc want on their birthday regardless of what I thought of the place, their enjoyment would bring enjoyment to me

Well if its where your DS really wants to go and still wants to go on his birthday. Then I'd be definitely going, whether his father did or not, maybe you can take a school friend instead.

This kind of thing can be the "final straw", but really you need to decide about your relationship in total isolation from this. The last thing you want is for your son to feel that your relationship failed over "going to Nandos" and its his fault.
Some counselling for you to sort out your thoughts might be helpful if you can afford it.

That's a horrible comment from your DP! Even if I didn't like the restaurant then I'd go to celebrate a child's birthday and do it happily and not comment (and I think the majority of people would). Depending on what he's like generally it sounds like it might be good to think of moving on.

He just doesn’t seem to want to do anything we do, doesn’t come swimming as doesn’t like to swim, won’t play a board game as doesn’t like board games and so on.
He did not suggest anything else he said how about for my birthday I choose for us all to eat at a mushy pea shop knowing only he likes mushy peas, obviously ridiculous as I pointed out if he wanted to go to a chippy I would go and choose something else from the menu and the place ds has chosen has pasta, pizza, chicken and so on

been raising him with me for just over 10 years now.

Has he really or was he just there while you did all the heavy lifting?

He sounds bloody horrible. If that's where your DS wants to go then he can go and just have a drink. If this is one of many things, I would be looking to get rid tbh.

He's too selfish to understand that for you the responsibility of being a mum comes before anything else.

That doesn't mean being a doormat for your kids obviously but it does mean having a reasonable expectation of your partner of 10 years going to a bloody restaurant that might not be your favourite because it's your sons birthday and he's chosen there.

Is he this much of a dick with other things?

Your DS deserves better

That's a horrible attitude and a horrible thing to say to your son. A parent should be able to walk over hot coals and jump through fiery hoops for their child and he can't sit in a restaurant he doesn't like for 2 hours?! On his birthday?!

Horrible attitude, very selfish. It’s your sons birthday not his, the sulk!

I had this with my ex over my dads birthday trip. I was close to telling him to do one. We didn’t last too long after that

*Dds birthday trip

Selfish.

That’s awful; my DSD loves going to a well known chain that I can’t stand but I go (and on her birthday wouldn’t even question it) as she likes it.

I think he needs reminding that not everything is about him; it’d be the same for anyone’s birthday

It is a selfish attitude from DP, but just to consider a different viewpoint was the food very bad last time?
If the food was horrible maybe he’s trying to steer DS to a better place in a clumsy way as he doesn’t want to waste money if the food is poor (clutching at straws).

He’s a selfish arsehole.

Wow your poor son, I feel so bad for him. He doesn’t sound like he is remotely interested in your son, but will tolerate him as long as he does things DP wants to do. Has this slowly started to happen? Not sure if this continues he will be a good person for your son to live with.

LTB

Your DP is a miserable arse who needs to grow up.

He sounds like a petulant child. Go and enjoy yourselves without him.

He's selfish
I'm sure there's something he can eat there and if it's not great then have a snack later. It doesn't sound like he thinks of your son as his family. Do they do anything together?

Bloody hell YANBU. He just doesn't like the food? Suck it up buttercup! Even if there was literally nothing there he could bare to eat he could have a sandwich before he goes and eat when he gets home. I'd have been really hurt at 13.