To think of ending it if he does this?

[Wejustdontknow]

Ds13 was talking about his birthday last night, it’s still a couple of months away but I said as it’s on a school night we could go out for a meal on the evening if he wanted to pick somewhere. He has chosen a chain restaurant and told dp when he came home who then said well enjoy but don’t expect me there as I don’t like that place.
Ds is upset by this and so am I, the restaurant offers a varied menu and there are plenty of options dp could eat but he says when we went 2 years ago for ds’s birthday the food was horrible and so he won’t go again.
I’ve told ds to leave it for now as it’s still a while away but tbh I am very angry, surely for one night if it’s where your dc want to eat for their birthday you would suck it up and go and enjoy it with them?
I do feel he has checked out of family life a bit recently so don’t know if this is clouding my judgment

Tbh he has openly admitted to feeling depressed, has been raising someone elses kids for 10 years... nobody can see why he might not be 100% happy with his life, you assume he was very happy with that situation. There's no mention that the set up might be hard for him, just "why don't you want to spend time with your child". I would wager that that in itself might be the problem. He is not his child and frequent reproaches like this may have made him resentful. It's not hard to see why he might have ended up depressed and despondent. Raising somebody else's children is not a walk in the park and it sounds like he may have just got sick of it.

You mentioned he seems to be avoiding your eldest, have there been any changes in your eldest's behaviour? If he is 13 it seems fairly likely that his attitude might have gone downhill in recent years. Just a thought, as his disposition isn't clear.

I have sympathy for you both, but given the total lack of sympathy for your partner on here, I'm not finding it hard to understand why he has ended up the way he has.

As 13 year olds go I have to say he is a good kid, he is very academic and enjoys study and school work, never been in trouble with school, yes he can have the occasional teenage strop but it doesn’t happen often and the ones he does have tend to be like quite low key.
He said last time we spoke hat he does struggle as they are chalk and cheese and don’t have any natural common interests, I suggested he maybe just ask him to watch a box set together every other night when I am doing younger ds’s bedtime as a way to get some quality time together but he hasn’t done that, in fact since we last spoke 6 months ago I can’t think of a single thing they have done together just the two of them. They do spend time together but only as a family unit with me and other ds

So you already know you will have the exact same conversation you had 6 months ago with your H

Tell us again why you have decided to keep flogging this particular dead horse