Am I being unfair to my community midwife?

[BeckQ]

I don’t know if I’m being unfair to my community midwife I see at my GP surgery. She is very snooty to put it kindly and I just feel like from day one she has no interest in me or my pregnancy. Now I know I’m just another woman in a long line of women she sees and one of millions of pregnant woman. But I feel as though considering this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea what to expect I have found everything out I need to know from google. I work in a GP surgery myself so I know the strains all to well and do feel for her and never complain when she runs hours behind, although I don’t know how she manages that, she’s always in such a rush and I’m never in there for longer than 5 minutes. She did a home visit over Christmas And after telling me she’d be there at 10M she turned up at 11.10am without so much as an apology! She also dropped my urine sample all over my floor, but that was an accident, I can’t really call her for that. But when I’m asking her questions I feel like she just shrugs them off. She seems to do nothing that my maternity pack says she should be doing, all she literally does is check my urine, measure my belly and say goodbye, I don’t think she has ever once asked how I’m feeling. I have mentioned on a few occasions I’m ridiculously tired (I have a history of being anaemic) to be told “yeah you will be at this stage” I asked her if blood test is needed for her to say “no, your bloods were fine last time (LAST TIME about 2 months ago) . But if you insist I’ll send you for one” when I said nah not if I don’t need one she wrote in my notes “patient declined blood test 😐” I have mentioned everytime I have seen her about excessive discharge and told “yeah that’s normal” turns out I have really bad untreated thrush (I have had no symptoms, no itchiness and no clumpy discharge) I only found out what it was after going to the hospital after my discharge turned green and watery and I thought perhaps my waters had broken. I am 38 weeks and she still hasn’t asked me about a birth plan. She didn’t give me my mat b 1 form. I had to chase her for weeks for it with work on my back. It’s impossible to get in touch with her. I have asked her to check if my thrush has now gone because I am still having discharge (although not green) and it is still very painful to have sex. I got told “we don’t check to see if things have gone the treatment you have been given should (SHOULD) have cleared it.” I don’t like her. But as I only have to see her another 2 times plus the couple of times after the baby is born, should I just put up with her of should I say something? Not sure if it’s the hormones raging, although my husband said he doesn’t like her either, and he likes everyone! 😂

I think I'd be asking if the possibility of seeing someone else. Sorry you've not had a good experience so far

At least at 38 weeks you aren't likely to see much more of her.

First time mums tend to expect a lot of handholding I think. This isn't a criticism at all because I was the same, but I think service cuts mean we get the bare bones of what midwifery has to offer and that means being treated like something that needs to be crossed off the list.

Nobody paid a jot of attention to my birth plan FWIW so I wouldn't worry too much about writing it all out!

best of luck with the baby.

She sounds crap. My experience of community midwives was really positive. Doesn't sound to me like you are being unfair, I've only had one baby so maybe I got lucky but I would have felt the same as you. The midwives when you give birth won't be like that, don't worry. Congratulations and I hope the next few weeks before you meet your gorgeous little one go well! X

Yeah I know what you’re saying about the birth plan. I’m not precious about it at all! It’s just the fact she’s never even asked what I’d like etc.. I just don’t get why it’s a thing if it’s not a thing if you get me 🤷‍♀️ if it’s in my pack that she should be discussing it, I feel like she should discuss it else don’t put it in there and I wouldn’t know any different.

Yeah that’s what I’m scared of that my expectations are to high and I’m coming across as being ridiculous over nothing. There was another midwife who covered her holiday once though and she was lovely. I never got this feeling from her.

And @giftponderings I don’t know how I’d do that! 😬

She sounds a bit crap, things like sorting your mat b is basic stuff. I never saw the same midwife twice and was grateful for consultant led care as the midwives were all rubbish. One really hurt me with her extremely long nails and many crystally rings and scratched and bruised my bump. Another, student, took my bp and said she “guessed” what one of the numbers was

The hospital ones were awesome, I’ll never forget Jude who was one the kindest most capable wonderful people I’ve ever met in my life. And the ones who came to visit me at home after the birth were fab.

Is there another one at your GP practise you can see instead for your last couple of appointments?

@Tillyfloss1 thank you! Yeah, I can’t fault the hospital midwives you know, when I went in about the potential green waters they were all lovely. I was in there literally all day while they did every test imaginable. Nothing was to much trouble.

That sounds awful. I was with my midwife for 30-40 mins each time, listening to the heart beat and checking on how I was, going through results and discussing any issues.
Speak to the senior midwife and ask to see someone else, if you go over you'll be reliant on her to manage things for you.

@AnneLovesGilbert no I don’t think so 😬.

That’s awful!

So would it not be the midwife I see in the community that comes out after the birth? I just assumed it would be? X

@maryberryslayers that’s what I’m worried about. And the home visits after the baby is born, I assume it would be here swanning up whenever she likes.

Yeah but there's a bit of that anyway and the days kind of blur when you first arrive home, plus you'll not be going anywhere anyway so it doesn't really matter! Honestly I'd be less bothered about her time keeping and not mention it, if someone has had a scare or an emergency there's not much they can do. Mine was scatty, always running late but incredibly lovely and took excellent care of me so I wasn't fussed.
Her lack of interest and poor level of care for you would be my main concern, just say you want to switch and be honest about feeling fobbed off ect. As a first time mum you need lots of support, which she should be giving.

I'm pg with baby number 3, and all my community midwife appointments have been exactly as you described. It is very disappointing but you get used to it, not that you should have to, but I think this is just another knock on effects of the nhs cuts

My GP surgery and the hospital I gave both in are part of different Trusts, just awkward due to where we live, and it’s community midwives from the hospital you deliver in who come to see you. Even if it’s all the same Trust I think they’re different teams. You could probably check.

The scratchy nail one told she did antenatal checks at the surgery and homebirths, you’d think someone who actually delivers babies would have short clean nails

I booked my antenatal appointments through the surgery reception, like seeing a doctor or nurse. You could ask if there’s more than one and if you could see the other one next time.

It sounds like a slight clash in personalities or she's just over stretched?

Some of the things she mentioned are correct, for instance routine bloods are only taken at booking and again at 28 weeks only. They wouldn't be checked at any other time unless there was a concern. If you were after 28/40 when you mentioned your tiredness she would have double checked your HB results (which is why she said they were fine/ normal) and it sounds like she offered to check them again but you did decline?

Also, if a woman if treated for thrush, BV or a UTI for example then there is no need to test/ screen again for that unless she was still symptomatic. It sounds like you need another HVS if you are still sore, especially with birth being in the next 4 weeks.

It is likely you will have her visit you postnatally but you can request an alternative if you explain you haven't felt supported by her.

Good luck with the birth

Yeah @maryberryslayers, of course I’d want her to see an emergency if one came about, I’d want her to do that for me. But she’s a community midwife with a set plan for the day, what emergency would she be called out to? And if that was the case a brief explanation would be nice, especially when my husband had delayed going into work so he could be there. I just found it rude. If she can’t keep to a rough schedule, she shouldn’t give a time 🤷‍♀️ she should just say sometime in the morning for example. I’m sure she’s have something to say if I just swanned up an hour and abit late to her clinic. Lateness is just my pet hate, I find it the height of rudeness.

I think I’m going to mention I’m not happy with things next time I go in, which is this Thursday. I spoke to her this afternoon on the phone so I think she knows I’m pissed off about this whole thrush thing. My friend had a case of thrush and her midwife had a little look for her while she was on the bed getting her bump measured etc because she was worried about it. Where as this one doesn’t feel the need to check. My argument is though, if it’s not gone, it’s a vicious circle because the doctor at the hospital told me that my husband would just end up giving me it back. So I’m destined to be riddled with thrush forever more because she can’t be arsed dealing with it.

Oh that does sound crap. Maybe she’s overstretched, burnt-out, tired or suffering compassion fatigue but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s rubbish for pregnant women to experience below average care.

I’ve had great community midwives during pregnancy- a big part of the care IS listening to you and taking your concerns seriously. Discussion of birth and birth plans are also important so you can go into it feeling well-informed and confident. Community midwives have such an important role so YANBU to feel miffed that your care hasn’t been up to standard.

She sounds shit. I don’t think I was ever asked about my birth plan (other than hospital or home) by anyone other than the NCT trainer; it certainly wasn’t referred to in hospital when I delivered 😂. But everything else you’ve mentioned was done. I do remember feeling a bit put out when I asked for a test for group B strep and she said no, but she explained the reasoning kindly.

@olivetreelane yeah it was last time I seen her and the time before that i mentioned my tiredness so both after 28 weeks. Luckily it’s improved now so that’s not really a concern anymore.

I asked for one for her to say you don’t need one. I made it really obvious I felt I needed one. She made me sound like I was being so dramatic I said well if you don’t think it’s needed for her then to say I declined it. The notes never read “patient mentioned tiredness, offered bloods but declined” it just said declined. Like she’d offered and I said no. Does that make sense? It was the way it was written.

Exactly and who is going to give me this HVS? She won’t take me on about it. Just keeps saying the pessary will have treated it and to carry on using the cream. I haven’t been given any cream because I don’t have an external symptoms!

Like I say I work in a doctors. I don’t want to waste their time with something she could help me with.

I think you are being unfair. She is doing exactly what she is meant to do, and being late is not ideal, but come your turn to have your baby you may just be grateful she stayed longer to help than she should of.

@olivetreelane I also didn’t mention my bloods where borderline on the last blood test. But on the side where nothing was needed to be prescribed

If you put yourself in the stretched shoes of community midwives for a day you’d cut her a bit of slack.
If you don’t like her, request another.

@OrangeLindt of course. But she works in the community. What baby exactly is she delivering?

BeckQ

She’d be on a rota to be on call for any home births.

I've had 5 dc, and the midwifes that came out to me at home after the birth were different everytime. In this area (and the one I was in before, and the 2 my sister has given birth in), theres one community midwife on each day doing the after birth home visits on a rota, so you'll just see whoever's on rota that day. And they don't give you a time, just a day.
After dc5, my community midwife came out on our first home visit, and I was amazed! She said it was amazing to see the end result of one of her patients too, and it was a rare occurrence, so don't worry that itll be her, because it probably won't.

Yes I understand what you mean and I can appreciate why it would be frustrating to read that. Although tbh anyone clinical would question why she would have written patient declined when there is no justification for it.

In regard to the HVS, the nurse or doctor at your surgery can do it. It needs to go off though, in case you do need any alternative course.

Oh and the part about her being late and there not being emergencies etc.. community mw's are often asked to divert to a possible jaundiced baby/ a worried mum that has phoned they aren't feeding etc.. and their routine appointments take a slight dip in priority. When you have your baby you may need a slightly more urgent visit in those first few days and you will then become priority.

@Pardonwhat, I take it you are a community midwife? Are you normally that rude also to your patients? Because if you speak to them the way you’ve just spoke to me. I don’t think they deserve any slack. You can be rushed and busy without being rude and unhelpful surely?