Sounds a bit more like a personality clash to me (and I sort of get it as I didn’t like my first one).
But you also sound like you want a lot of handholding from someone who is undoubtably stretched in terms of time and resources. A lot of things here you could be proactive about, therefore minimising their issues to address with her,
You’ve already admitted you’ve found a lot of answers out for yourself. You must be bright enough to research queries and also have a support network to ask. I got most of my information this way so found I didn’t have much to ask her.
You’ve been given lots of reasons as to why she might have turned up late - I have not once had any nhs medical appointment (nurse, midwife, hv, gp or consultant) actually ever be on time, pregnancy related or not. It’s not right, but it’s normal for the nhs and she probably thought you knew this and would understand. An apology would have been nice, but meh.
In terms of care, the appointments are generally basic checks for those that are classed as low risk. Seems like she carried this out. And in relation to the blood test, it was discussed, offered and you did decline. Her notes were factual. If you were that worried you should have accepted it.
Discharge is normal in pregnancy and you’ve said yourself it didn’t present like thrush, so I’m not sure what you wanted the midwife to say to this. It was tested for when symptoms worsened and you were treated. What else did you want her to do ?
We were also given our notes to carry round and it had a birth plan in it - like a tick box to fill in. Why not just fill it in ? What do you want her to say about your preferences, which is what it is meant to contain ? I was told many women just fill theirs in themselves.
My first go round I had a dreadful midwife - never on time, never there (on holiday) and generally dismissive. I measured big and when I wanted to discuss the midwife unit was asked why as “you’ll never deliver there, you’ll need drugs ... which I didn’t btw). But then I wasn’t that bothered as I didn’t actually “need” much from her beyond those basic checks. However, if I wanted something doing, I made sure I asked / pressed for it. If you wanted the offered blood test, you should have taken it. If you wanted your thrush checking, you should have insisted.
I think you were / are both unreasonable here. You in terms of your expectations from an overstretched service (and I’m not saying that is right but it’s not her fault she has no time / resources) and her for how it appears she’s handling it.