Am I being unfair to my community midwife?

[BeckQ]

I don’t know if I’m being unfair to my community midwife I see at my GP surgery. She is very snooty to put it kindly and I just feel like from day one she has no interest in me or my pregnancy. Now I know I’m just another woman in a long line of women she sees and one of millions of pregnant woman. But I feel as though considering this is my first pregnancy and I have no idea what to expect I have found everything out I need to know from google. I work in a GP surgery myself so I know the strains all to well and do feel for her and never complain when she runs hours behind, although I don’t know how she manages that, she’s always in such a rush and I’m never in there for longer than 5 minutes. She did a home visit over Christmas And after telling me she’d be there at 10M she turned up at 11.10am without so much as an apology! She also dropped my urine sample all over my floor, but that was an accident, I can’t really call her for that. But when I’m asking her questions I feel like she just shrugs them off. She seems to do nothing that my maternity pack says she should be doing, all she literally does is check my urine, measure my belly and say goodbye, I don’t think she has ever once asked how I’m feeling. I have mentioned on a few occasions I’m ridiculously tired (I have a history of being anaemic) to be told “yeah you will be at this stage” I asked her if blood test is needed for her to say “no, your bloods were fine last time (LAST TIME about 2 months ago) . But if you insist I’ll send you for one” when I said nah not if I don’t need one she wrote in my notes “patient declined blood test 😐” I have mentioned everytime I have seen her about excessive discharge and told “yeah that’s normal” turns out I have really bad untreated thrush (I have had no symptoms, no itchiness and no clumpy discharge) I only found out what it was after going to the hospital after my discharge turned green and watery and I thought perhaps my waters had broken. I am 38 weeks and she still hasn’t asked me about a birth plan. She didn’t give me my mat b 1 form. I had to chase her for weeks for it with work on my back. It’s impossible to get in touch with her. I have asked her to check if my thrush has now gone because I am still having discharge (although not green) and it is still very painful to have sex. I got told “we don’t check to see if things have gone the treatment you have been given should (SHOULD) have cleared it.” I don’t like her. But as I only have to see her another 2 times plus the couple of times after the baby is born, should I just put up with her of should I say something? Not sure if it’s the hormones raging, although my husband said he doesn’t like her either, and he likes everyone! 😂

BeckQ

No but have trained alongside them.
I don’t know how answering your questions is rude? I’m certainly not being rude! I’m not sure what the chip on your shoulder is but don’t take it out on me! You’re the one being rude here!

@olivetreelane ahh that’s fair enough. I didn’t think that would be her doing that. Especially as it would have been a normal clinic day for her just as the surgery was shut due to Christmas closures she did them at home instead. But again an explanation would be nice. Don’t give a time you can’t stick to 🤷‍♀️ simple as. I don’t think that’s unfair.

@Pardonwhat 😂 okay

@BeckQ I don't suppose you're based in West Sussex? Your midwife sounds like the midwife I had until I requested a new one at 36 weeks pregnant!

I also don’t see how @Pardonwhat was rude you sound a little precious OP. And your thrush isn’t the midwives fault. You’re a grown woman. Keep taking the treatment and abstain from sex for a bit. Your partner also needs to take the treatment. What exactly do you want her to do? Her checking you over won’t make any difference. Keep taking the treatment until the discharge subsides

@kittycat01 no, I’m in Lancashire. I understand everyone is understaffed, I work for the NHS myself! I spend every day apologising to people there are no doctors for them to see. I just feel like she doesn’t care and I don’t know if I’m over reacting. Even though this is my first pregnancy that’s made it this far. It’s not my first pregnancy. I think I’m just abit worried subconsciously that it’s all going to go tits up like the first 4 and I feel like because they deal with it on such a regular basis it’s not important to them when it’s everything to you.

Community midwives do deliver babies (including one of mine) and sometimes they have a patient who needs emergency care. It happens and there isn't a thing they can do to prevent it. I always treated my appointment times as a target rather than a set time (in my area they are all home visits unless there is a scan).

However, my midwives were mostly really lovely and couldn't do enough for me. Except for one, who was very bossy and tried to insist that certain tests were compulsory when I knew that they were not and I didn't want them, and she wrote things in my notes that were just plain wrong (like I hadn't had lunch yet because she was late, and she wrote "patient refuses to eat". I had a quiet word with the senior midwife and the one I had a problem with didn't do any of my appointments from then on.

Don’t give a time you can’t stick to 🤷‍♀️ simple as. I don’t think that’s unfair.

What area are you a GP in? I've never known an NHS GP surgery that has been able to give a time and stick to it?

Even when paying to see a GP there have still been times when there's been delays so I'm very interested to know whereabouts you're a GP if you don't mind sharing?
Thanks.

@Angeldelight68 thanks and I am well aware I am a grown woman and I don’t remember ever suggesting it was the midwives fault? I’m not sure how I can tell my symptoms have stopped when I’m not having any? Other than the pain on sex and white discharge. Which is considered normal in pregnancy anyway as the discharge I’ve been having isn’t normal thrush like discharge. And I’ve not been able to see sex through since 20 weeks as it’s been painful. So that’s probably how long it’s been there untreated for. So I’m sure your advice of abstaining for a few more weeks won’t be that hard for us. We’ve done the last 4 months or so.

@ItsReallyNotOk. I’m not a GP

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet that’s fair enough. I must admit I didn’t realise they would be the ones delivering babies in the middle of a set clinic. 🤷‍♀️

@Pardonwhat was not being rude.
I don't think it would be a community Midwife's job to check your thrush.
In my area you get given a 2 hour appointment window. Would be impossible for her to stick to a strict schedule, what happens if there was an emergency.
You sound precious

Fuck me she sounds horrific. My midwives were amazing. They actually came round every day for the next two weeks then every week for six weeks.

They have homebirths to cover(in my area at least), and the occasional surprise delivery- mine wasn't planned, there was just no time to get to the hospital. I've also had appointments delayed because someone had to be airlifted out following some sort of pregnancy complication, and because she midwife's brand new car was attacked by a stag!

Are you normally that rude also to your patients? Because if you speak to them the way you’ve just spoke to me. I don’t think they deserve any slack. You can be rushed and busy without being rude and unhelpful surely?

Your 4 word response was just as rude so right back at you Princess!

@littleduckeggblue fair enough. If that’s what you think. I’ve asked for peoples opinions and I’m getting them. Although I disagree. If the thrush is causing problems where I’m needing to spend the day in the maternity ward with suspected infection etc.. And the doctor in the ward has told me to follow it up with my community midwife.. I think it is her job.

I had this with all 3 DC. No birth plan, no asking how I'm feeling, whether I'm prepared for baby etc. I got measured once with my DC3 and that wasn't even recorded. Met some lovely midwifes at the hospital. It was different midwifes who came out after the births and I also struck lucky with the health visitor thankfully.

Oh I should add, they watched my iron levels drop over several months. My consultant had to order a transfusion in the end which they mucked up.

@ItsReallyNotOk sorry I didn’t think it needed any further response? I never said I was a GP. That’s been read wrong. 🤷‍♀️ I’m not sure what else I could say?

Contact the Director of Midwifery at your local hospital, they cover all midwives in your area, community or hospital. They will arrange for you to have a new community midwife. I had to do it with my third live birth and they made sure I didnt see her again during my subsequent pregnancies although I was warned it may be her or hospital for my planned homebirth for my last one. It was up to me to make the call and I decided that I would wait and see if it was her before deciding whether to go in. It wasnt, so I didnt.

She doesn't sound particularly professional. And if she is working for the NHS, she ought to have short nails and no rings with stones on to maintain infection control. That's a general rule for all patient facing clinicians, but particularly where they will be poking and prodding in various places.

I'd ask her manager if someone else can be allocated to you instead.

Sorry that should be "had to do it during my third live birth pregnancy"

@PyongyangKipperbang nah Thanks but apparently I’m being a princess and need to stop being precious 😂 I’ll just carry on seeing her and hope everything doesn’t go tits up.

@diydisaster I understand mistakes are made. We are all only human. But I think if from day one you’ve felt like they don’t care it’s not very reassuring is it

I'm a midwife and have worked in community. Obviously we only have one side of the story but she sounds totally crap to me, as if she just doesn't enjoy her job and is totally checked out. Even if you are pushed for time, you can still be kind to your patients and check how they're feeling for crying out loud! I'd hate to think this is what passes for standard care nowadays.