Should I just walk out of here?

[Rayray118]

Okay, long story short I'm a writer who's been offered the exclusive use of a friends apartment abroad so I could spend two weeks writing. I dived on it of course. I've just begun a major project and will be enormously busy with my day job (I have one of those unfortunately!) for the rest of the spring and summer. Aside from weekends this is the only chunk of time I have to focus on this and if I don't get a decent 20,000 words written in these two weeks there's just no point in my being here.

20,000 words is easy going for two weeks and I left it at that as a plan because I wanted to spend a night or two at the weekends with my friend who owns the apartment. She lives about twenty minutes drive from here and lets out this apartment in short lets most of the year but of course in January it's quiet. I had expected, and made very clear, that I need solitude to write. I arrived here on Friday and so far solitude has been no part of this experience.

My friend stayed here Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I really wasn't expecting her to stay last night and thought that was pushing it, so I reminded her that as I'd said I need solitude to write. She seemed rather shocked and appalled when I suggested that she come back next weekend and leave me on my own till then. This morning she came up with some bizarre excuse about needing to stay tonight also. To me it's just getting ridiculous at this stage. To clarify, she is not lonely, nor is there any other reason I can see why she'd be so inconsiderate. She knows exactly what I came here to do and why it's so important that I be left alone to do it. She lives twenty minutes away in a very large comfortable home with her husband. She is also in a very happy and loving marriage. It seems to me she's just wilfully oblivious to how important it is to me to be alone to undertake this task, however clear I was about it before I arrived.

I can imagine some people may think I've little to worry about but if I don't get this done in the next ten days I won't get it done before late summer. I am wondering to myself if I should just pack my bags and rent an Air BnB somewhere else while I've still got ten days left? I don't want to do anything to damage my friendship but I cannot say how important or irreplaceable this time is to me. I am also getting increasingly frustrated, another few days and I'll be extremely resentful - honestly this about the most boundary-less behaviour I've experienced in a long time!

Any opinions would be most welcome.

I'm kind of fascinated to hear how the friend reacts when you leave OP.

I know it sounds silly, but is it worth you giving her a 'timetable', allowing a couple/few hours for free time.

In this time, say between 4 and 6, you can both grab something to eat, engage her, go for a walk or take a shower, etc. I dunno. All the while, making it clear that you are just having some respite and will have to get back to it.

I know it's not the same, but it reminds me of when I was doing GCSE revision.

My pals would turn up & try and get me to go to youth club with them. Or they'd want me to go over to theirs, to revise. The one time I did go over; I was greeted with diamond White and a spliff

It's too late for that. The OP will never relax for fear her friend will pop in any minute.

I wonder if "providing the writer's retreat" is not quite enough to satisfy the fascination about what you're doing, and she wants to really, really participate in it!

falling over her sleeping directly outside my bedroom door

Of all the intrusive things she's done to you since you arrived there Rayray this has to be the most weird.

It's one thing wanting to be close to an arty friend and spend time with them despite not understanding they NEED solitude to be able to work on their latest creation , this is in another league entirely.

Although it's a great plotline if you're writing a psychological thriller about a friend who becomes too close and you want to test the waters for readers' reactions to the increasingly strange antics of the friend, see how many come back and say 'nah, no-one would do that'

I'd leave tonight before she arrives in case she locks you in with her

I suspect that she simply doesn’t recognise your writing as a serious endeavour or income earner.....more of an optional hobby. That’s her problem not yours really. Pack up first thing, head off to wherever, reassure her no hard feelings and fix to have a coffee or something in a few weeks time.

Although it's a great plotline if you're writing a psychological thriller about a friend who becomes too close and you want to test the waters for readers' reactions to the increasingly strange antics of the friend, see how many come back and say 'nah, no-one would do that'

I was thinking this had the bones of novel or screenplay.

she wants to really, really participate in it!

She needs to know that she cannot job shadow whilst writers do things like this:

Playing devil's advocate here... I'm thinking she's invited her old friend from home and was looking forward to catching up and hanging out, otherwise "what's in it for her?". She's clearly got the hide of a rhino but, short of changing the locks, I think all you can do to salvage your writing time is leave. Shame.

I think it's a case of crossed wires tbh,as you went abroad to write why not hire a cottage in a lovely rural place in the countryside if you really do need to be alone of course.As the apartment is hers she's using your time as a catch up holiday,so really I can see both sides here.I think this is not working for you and I would make an excuse by tommorow if she's still hanging about and run

@Grumpelstilskin Ah no, I really don't think that sort of nastiness is at play. l think she just hasn't got a boundary to her name and refuses to acknowledge other peoples.

I hope I am wrong. But little surprises me these days when it comes to envy among supposed friends. Her behaviour is rather toxic though and for an outsider looks like a really unpleasant form of sabotage. Thing is you are judging her based on your own moral code and sense of decency. At best, it is really disrespectful and she is being quite passive-aggressive, invading your privacy, very much marking her territory despite her initial invitation as a private place.

I suspect she is a bit lonely normally and has seen this forenight as a chance to have a friend to hang out with. She doesn't understand how writing works so doesn't realise that by solitude you actually mean exactly that.

Totally unhelpful post but I would go absolutely insane at this happening to me, hope you manage to organise alternative accommodation and she doesn't get upset. But if she does it's entirely her own doing.

Definitely tell her tonight you're leaving first thing as you been to be alone to write, then go. Even if she leaves and then promises she won't come back, she'll probably only last a day.

Is her house twenty minutes away empty then?

I honestly think that, unless you do a creative art yourself, it can be hard to appreciate the alone time needed. I am continually asked why I can't 'just do' my (usual) work while looking after a 3 year old because I am home.

OP, your friend is knowingly sabotaging you. In your place I think I would have to ask her why. After all, she can't claim ignorance, as your need to be alone was made clear from the start and has been repeated since. It's bizarre that she has been sleeping outside your door every night since you arrived, especially as she only lives 20 minutes away and as you said, is happily married. It is very perverse behaviour.

Hope you get to salvage your second writing week without too much trouble booking flights or long term damage to this friendship (if you still value it).

@Vanhi that is so very accurate. Especially the stationery choices

Frustrating and sounds like she's using you for a mini holiday which is the last thing you need.
Hope you manage to salvage some of the break. X

This is irrelevant, but I feel a bit reading these. I'm a writer and I actively seek bustle in order to write- cafes, pubs, libraries. I had no idea that so many writers had to have complete silence!
She is BU, OP.

I’ve had similar writing projects around day jobs to tight deadlines and to get them done have had to do similar (3,000 words a day each day of the weekend around my regular working five day week, with the finished project taking eight weeks of effectively no days off). If a friend or my DH had pulled this kind of shit I’d have gone off the deep end. I understand the rising panic and that feeling of ‘fuck, I’ve not done anything today, so now tomorrow I have one day left and therefore my word count has gone up 500 words for every other day to offset it’.

If you’ve got flights already booked what cost is involved in changing them around? Would it be cheaper to book into an Airbnb or cheap hotel nearby? You could check in tomorrow and start immediately.

One day less not one day left.

Hooray for editors eh? ;)

Vanhi

Ditto "studying".

Stay up all night writing (or trying to). Refuse to wake up and provide her with any company tomorrow. Bore her into leaving you alone.